Reply to I love my kids but I’m also jealous of anybody who doesn’t have kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a full time single mom. During the pandemic I definitely envied my childfree friends who were taking long walks and long naps. I also envied my divorced friends who had 50% custody who got a little reprieve during the pandemic when I was working nonstop through the night to make up for lost time during the day.  Obviously, each has it's own set of issues but yes, I do harbor jealousy. It's really hard to be on your own with no help. [/quote]

+1 Almost all of my envy is pandemic based. And thus it's not really childfree people in general I envy, but specifically DINKs. I think the pandemic has been almost fun for professional couples without kids. Working from home without kids in the mix, but having a partner to keep you company and do things with, seemed pretty nice. I don't think parents of young kids were the only people struggling (I had single friends who really struggled with loneliness before vaccines, and friends with health and immune issues for whom the entire pandemic has been incredibly hard), but I think DINKs were uniquely well set up to enjoy Covid, and of course that makes me jealous.

As a general matter I don't envy people without kids because I love being a parent. I think my DH does though. He has found the loss of freedom pretty hard. I think for me I see something else -- the constraints of parenting are liberating in a different way. I am more myself since becoming a mom, more confident in my choices, and more comfortable with my life. I find having a kid really clarifying. Either something is worth time away from her or it isn't, and I find it easy to prioritize my life that way. Becoming a parent helped me walk away from a job I probably should never have taken, and find one that suits me better. It has also forced me to thoughtfully assess my friendships and part ways with a couple people who really were a toxic presence in my life. I feel more free since becoming a mom, even though it's harder for me to hang out with my friends or go on vacation. I'm free in a psychological sense, which to me is more valuable. I'm sure there are people without kids who find this kind of clarity through other things. But for me, parenthood has liberated me from old, self-imposed obligations, by creating a more immediate and fulfilling obligation in the middle of my life. A lot of stuff I used to care about I don't anymore, and that's been awesome.[/quote]

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