College results broke my heart

[Anonymous]

This is one of those decisions, assuming you can afford the option, that is up to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

WOW!!! Majority of 18 yo are ready to spread their wings and go more than 500+ miles from home for college. Some are not, and yes, they should choose a college location closer to home. Both of my kids will be 2-3K miles from home. Oldest is graduating this year and guess what, staying within 2 hours of where Dc attended college. While I wish DC was closer to home, I am THRILLED that DC has a meaningful job, friends and will thrive not being close to home. Ultimately, that is the goal---I didn't raise my kids so they would stay at home or 1 mile away forever. I want my kids to explore the world and do what makes them happy.

If you kid isn't ready for that, then perhaps you haven't prepared them. My kids have had progressively more freedoms each year, letting them grow up and make choices (mostly good) and learn from any mistakes while at home, so they will be ready to be in college and on their own wherever life brings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

WOW!!! Majority of 18 yo are ready to spread their wings and go more than 500+ miles from home for college. Some are not, and yes, they should choose a college location closer to home. Both of my kids will be 2-3K miles from home. Oldest is graduating this year and guess what, staying within 2 hours of where Dc attended college. While I wish DC was closer to home, I am THRILLED that DC has a meaningful job, friends and will thrive not being close to home. Ultimately, that is the goal---I didn't raise my kids so they would stay at home or 1 mile away forever. I want my kids to explore the world and do what makes them happy.

If you kid isn't ready for that, then perhaps you haven't prepared them. My kids have had progressively more freedoms each year, letting them grow up and make choices (mostly good) and learn from any mistakes while at home, so they will be ready to be in college and on their own wherever life brings

It has nothing to do with readiness. It would be incredibly rude to miss a family reunion, a baptism of a family member, a funeral, etc all for “studying.”

[Anonymous]

Kids are all different. My DD is at UCLA and having the time of her life! But she was the type of kid who wanted to go to sleep away camp from age eight and went every summer for two to four weeks. I look at it as a positive cuz DH and I get to visit California regularly now. We spent holidays there as DD didn’t really care about coming home.

I fully expect her to stay out west after graduation and that’s fine with us. It just makes my heart sing to see her so happy.

But she has friends who wouldn’t consider going to college far from the east coast. And a roommate freshman year from the east coast who transferred out of UCLA because she missed home too much and is now at another university close to home. As I said, they’re all very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

WOW!!! Majority of 18 yo are ready to spread their wings and go more than 500+ miles from home for college. Some are not, and yes, they should choose a college location closer to home. Both of my kids will be 2-3K miles from home. Oldest is graduating this year and guess what, staying within 2 hours of where Dc attended college. While I wish DC was closer to home, I am THRILLED that DC has a meaningful job, friends and will thrive not being close to home. Ultimately, that is the goal---I didn't raise my kids so they would stay at home or 1 mile away forever. I want my kids to explore the world and do what makes them happy.

If you kid isn't ready for that, then perhaps you haven't prepared them. My kids have had progressively more freedoms each year, letting them grow up and make choices (mostly good) and learn from any mistakes while at home, so they will be ready to be in college and on their own wherever life brings

It has nothing to do with readiness. It would be incredibly rude to miss a family reunion, a baptism of a family member, a funeral, etc all for “studying.”

Incredibly rude??? Many people do NOT live within 2 hours of their Family. If the college kid is fine with missing these events, then it's time for the rest of the family to adjust and learn that kid may not be at every single family event. And that is OK.

For family reunion, perhaps the family should plan it in the summer or over winter break. For a funeral---the kid would obviously come home if that is important to them.
Part of growing up is realizing that most families do not remain in the same city/general area. I would NEVER want my kid to feel forced to take a job/attend college in order to stay within 2 hours of where I live. That means having to plan and travel for important events and also means missing some events.

My own oldest kid will start first real job 2 weeks after college graduation on a Monday, 2K miles from home. A Wednesday HS graduation for younger sibling will happen that same week, without oldest in attendance. Oldest will watch the livestream and FaceTime sibling after. Oldest's company starts new employees on first Monday of each month and DC doesn't want to wait another month to start working (and company doesn't really want that either). So DC will miss sibling's HS graduation. Life will go on---youngest will still graduate HS and have a great celebration. They will have seen each other for 4 days at oldest's graduation 2 weeks before. We will celebrate both graduations after the HS graduation for our kids.

Basically, many families are still close, loving families but don't all live in same town and cannot always be in attendance at every event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

WOW!!! Majority of 18 yo are ready to spread their wings and go more than 500+ miles from home for college. Some are not, and yes, they should choose a college location closer to home. Both of my kids will be 2-3K miles from home. Oldest is graduating this year and guess what, staying within 2 hours of where Dc attended college. While I wish DC was closer to home, I am THRILLED that DC has a meaningful job, friends and will thrive not being close to home. Ultimately, that is the goal---I didn't raise my kids so they would stay at home or 1 mile away forever. I want my kids to explore the world and do what makes them happy.

If you kid isn't ready for that, then perhaps you haven't prepared them. My kids have had progressively more freedoms each year, letting them grow up and make choices (mostly good) and learn from any mistakes while at home, so they will be ready to be in college and on their own wherever life brings

It has nothing to do with readiness. It would be incredibly rude to miss a family reunion, a baptism of a family member, a funeral, etc all for “studying.”

I fervently hope my kids never enter into a relationship with your kids. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it is about my DC’s choices, but now the top options are so so far away (because the results didn’t work out the way we had hoped). It is so heart to imagine my DC being so so far away.

I'm so sorry. Yes, I feel your pain. My older DD went to college at the other end of the country. It truly broke my heart, but I got used to it. We found excuses to go out there, so that was a bit of a relief, but still, it's hard to have DD so far away. Luckiy, social media and facetime and zoom make communication easier. My DD shows me around campus with her phone and asks for help deciding what to wear (on occasion), so that makes the distance a bit shorter. But it's hard. I wish she were nearby, but things didn't work out. She's happy, and that's what counts. It's hard to let go of our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

I’d be willing to bet your 18 yr old “babies” will never be ready to function on their own. So you’re in luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

I’d be willing to bet your 18 yr old “babies” will never be ready to function on their own. So you’re in luck.

I’m the one who originally wrote that sending kids too far away causes “rugged individualism.” And I do believe that and don’t get the whole “don’t come home before thanksgiving thing” since most kids don’t go far away anyway.

But I think the “communal thinking” poster is a troll!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Is that the sound of helicopters I hear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Is that the sound of helicopters I hear?

No it’s the sound of not hating your kids.

[Anonymous]

This is a very strange thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

I’d be willing to bet your 18 yr old “babies” will never be ready to function on their own. So you’re in luck.

I’m the one who originally wrote that sending kids too far away causes “rugged individualism.” And I do believe that and don’t get the whole “don’t come home before thanksgiving thing” since most kids don’t go far away anyway.

But I think the “communal thinking” poster is a troll!

"Don't come home before thanksgiving" is a real thing. If you want your kid to get settled at school, make friends, and learn to adjust to new situations. It's hard to make friends if you are going home most weekends and everyone else remains on campus. At college, weekends are where more of the socialization happens. For some, the goal is to keep their kid near home forever, for others the goal is to have our kids flourish and grow into independent adults who make their own choices. If a kid moves away, that's just an excuse for me to visit a new area several times per year