husband and daughter missing christening due to sports

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your husband not want this newest baby, OP?

OP here. Husband wanted the baby! And to reiterate, he is.of the same faith and was involved with picking the date!

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s bad they are missing this. The best way to get your parents to back off is like a PP said - acknowledge that yes they are right, but unfortunately there isn’t more you can do besides make your feelings clear to your husband and son. This isn’t just your call to make and their pressing the point is hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your 15 year old go to the tournament with another family?

This has been suggested but husband not agreeing.

[Anonymous]

U14? This tournament is not important at that age. By u15 or u16 u 17, no one will know or care or ever think about that tournament. The christening is more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

This is so weird.

You're not picking which kid to support. It's not like each member of the family is an autonomous being. It's the family unit, which includes every member of the family, that needs to sometimes be prioritized.

I know you'll disagree but you're the odd one out and there is a reason for that.

I agree that a family is a unit. But why then would you schedule a date optional family event for a date when there is a likelihood that significant members of the unit might not be available. I never said what I’d do - except that I’d schedule better. But i do think there’s a problem when you ignore 40% of your family’s priorities when scheduling and then choosing outsiders (yes they’re grandparents, but not part of the family unit) needs and desires over your husband’s and son’s when deciding not to reschedule.

If you never know when a sporting event is going to happen, should you just not schedule any family events? Or just blow off people who are traveling to attend the family event and reschedule it to a time when they aren't going to be there?

Again I know you're going to dig in your heels and say that the dad is being totes reasonable in blowing off his child's once-in-a-lifetime christening and extended family gathering, but OP is totally justified in being firm about keeping her husband home. Maybe it's for his own good, nobody lays on their death bed and says "I wish I had been hyper-involved with my kid's sport instead of attending my other child's christening."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can your 15 year old go to the tournament with another family?

This has been suggested but husband not agreeing.

This is obnoxious. Now that I know the kid is 15, he should absolutely go to the tournament with another family. We take other people's kids all the time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

OP here. The son we are baptizing is also my husband's son and just as important. He was involved with choosing the date. The fact that you are making this all about me is just plain weird.
Also, all kids are biological kids.
No way to change the date this late in the game. Read my earlier comment. Church reserved and booked solid. Restaurant reserved. Guests are attending. Flights booked.

OP you're right, PP is being plain weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

OP here. The son we are baptizing is also my husband's son and just as important. He was involved with choosing the date. The fact that you are making this all about me is just plain weird.
Also, all kids are biological kids.
No way to change the date this late in the game. Read my earlier comment. Church reserved and booked solid. Restaurant reserved. Guests are attending. Flights booked.

Majority wins in this case.

[Anonymous]

Soccer is not important. Religion and family are important. This would have gone very differently in my family because I wouldn't marry a guy who put sports before family/religion.

[Anonymous]

The dad and son need to cancel the soccer. Be with the fam. I think everlasting life and moral upbringing trumps any sport. The kid isn’t heading to the Olympics. They should be with the fam and the grand parents.

[Anonymous]

I think this is really insulting to your church/priest. It’s very clear you’re just doing this as a party and photo op if your husband isn’t even observant enough to attend his own son’s christening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is really insulting to your church/priest. It’s very clear you’re just doing this as a party and photo op if your husband isn’t even observant enough to attend his own son’s christening.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:U14? This tournament is not important at that age. By u15 or u16 u 17, no one will know or care or ever think about that tournament. The christening is more important.

U16. OP said her older son is 15. OP has not told us what level her son is playing at or whether he hopes to be recruited. If not, they should both skip the tournament, and if so, I think it’s fine for the son to go with another family.

OP, do you usually have a good relationship with your DH? I just can’t fathom how a parent could make this decision. We’re a sports family too, and there is nothing my DH enjoys more than watching our kids play, but neither he nor any other hardcore sports parent I know would skip out on a significant family event like this. Is he maybe just trying to avoid your parents or his extended family?

Also, where is this tournament? Seems like he could likely see at least one of the older son’s games and also attend the christening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:U14? This tournament is not important at that age. By u15 or u16 u 17, no one will know or care or ever think about that tournament. The christening is more important.

Go back and read. The kid is 15 so this can’t be a U14 tournament.

[Anonymous]

Unless this is a literal college scouting event and your child absolutely will get scouted for a scholarship if and only if he plays in this particular tournament, your description of it as "important" shows a serious problem with priorities.