Does your mom find "surrogate" daughters she gushes about?
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Anonymous
I’m a NP but this is a ridiculous response. “The PP didn’t frame it as she didn’t get invited on vacation,” - - it’s her parents! And she doesn’t come across as entitled. PP, just ignore this petty response. |
Anonymous
And there you go. We are afraid to talk about these things because someone comes on and says you are entitled when you say your parents left you with someone disturbed and cared more about their own pleasure and leisure than the safety of their children. I am not the poster, but I relate to her or him. If you don't like it, find another thread. |
Anonymous
| Oops, I put the open quotation mark in the wrong spot, but you get the idea. |
Anonymous
| When I was in 4th grade, super awkward with no friends, my mom said my bully was the most beautiful child she had ever seen. In fact she still mentions it! |
Anonymous
My mil does that about my husband’s bully-we get regular updates abt his (mediocre!) career. It’s bizarre. |
Anonymous
Thank you sharing this. My mom defends anyone over the years who was ever cruel to me. Luckily I have a good support network of friends, maybe in part because my mom never had my back. One of my siblings-older sister was a horrible bully to me. It went beyond sibling rivalry and even teachers expressed concern about how toxic her behavior was with people who she considered threats at school. Well because she never got help my sister struggles with relationships. Any intimate relationships went up in flames. She only has one close friend and the rest of her network is people who are paid (nanny, housekeeper, people beneath her at work). Anytime she confides in mom about yet another issue where she is the victim my mom totally has her back and is consumed with indignation. She wants me to comfort my sister too. (She doesn't even bother trying to drag my brother in). |
Anonymous
You are the same women that tear apart others when they post about their mean SIL and spin it to be their fault. Please. 
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Anonymous
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This has been so interesting to read and has really made me reflect. I think my grandmother - my mother's mother - was like this.
She died with I was 11, so I think I never really felt many of the impacts, and my mother is very private personally so it wasn't until I was in my 30s, I guess, that I found out my grandmother was an alcoholic. When I was born my parents had to tell her that she could not watch me alone when she was drinking, for example. My grandmother stayed in Girl Scouts long after her children were grown and done, and pre grandkids. She was always "adopting" troubled girls from Girl Scouts who would stay with her. (Heck, actually she (and my grandfather) legally adopted a young girl whose mother couldn't take care of her - my mother was an older teen when a toddler came to live in the house as her sister). Once, my father had a terrible death in his family, and my parents had to travel to the funeral. It was in the middle of school, and we had no money, and it was a difficult, emotional loss (a cousin of mine - my father's sister's child - had died from childhood leukemia) and so my parents left me and my two years younger brother with my grandmother. I was 8 and brother was 6. My grandmother packed my brother and me up and along with the latest random teenage Girl Scout living with her and drove us to a city 4 hours away, where we spent a day going to museums. In my memory, it was a fun, but weird, trip. My grandmother was just kinda fun but weird was how I always thought of her. Anyway, decades later somehow this comes up and my mom and dad tell me how upset they were with her and how it was a huge blow up and they could not believe she would have taken us on this getaway. I think it's a true testament to my mom (and dad) and to their ability to break the cycle that I knew something was weird when I was a kid, but it never impacted me and I had a good relationship with my grandmother. I have wondered on and off if she had lived into my teenage years if things might have been different between us, but for me now, it's easy to see that she was a difficult, troubled woman and my mom really overcame a lot. |
Anonymous
Yup. Mom's surrogate daughter is praised and admired for being a "strong, independent woman" - career oriented, single, childless, doesn't want a husband or kids. But if I'm anything other than a 100% devoted housewife and SAHM, I'm ripped apart. It's a weird dynamic. I know my mom sees a lot of herself in surrogate; mom was career oriented and went from extreme poverty (like, house with dirt floors level poverty) to making $500k a year. But she's always pushed me to marry a rich man, become a SAHM, and never work. I know she wants me to have an easy life, but it sucks she relates to and fawns over surrogate more than me. |
Anonymous
| I could have written your post. My mom was a college professor and favorited my only other sibling, my younger brother. I was her scapegoat and became an overachiever to try and win her approval. Nothing ever worked, she compared me and fawned over her favorite female students. I can’t count the times she would say’why can’t you be like so and so?’ To this day even after she’s retired she’s focusing her attention on her bonus daughter and still barely notices me. Therapy helps but it will still always sting. |
Anonymous
| No. But then she already has 4 daughters…that’s quite enough |
Anonymous
| Giving you a virtual hug OP (and to anyone else whose Mum did this). This is utter bullsh!t and you deserved better. Your Mum's poor self esteem should never have been made your business/affected you. Very manipulative of her. |
Anonymous
Daughter of a teacher here. My mother fawned over certain female students too. I heard about them constantly. It almost makes me feel creepy thinking back to how obsessed she was them and the pedestal she put them on. |
Anonymous
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I'm the poster who always agrees with my toxic mom by sayingat her "adopted" daughter sounds amazing. What really shut her up was when I said "she sounds amazing! She must have had an incredible mother!"
No mention from toxic mom since. LOL. TM not very bright. |
Anonymous
That is awesome! 
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