Reply to Does your mom find "surrogate" daughters she gushes about?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]  My whole life my mother has done this and she gushes about the person until mom is dumped by her new found daughter or mom does the dumping.[b] What I came to realize is usually the person had many qualities and life choices she would rip to shreds if they were from me.[/b] I used to take it so personally and wonder what was wrong with me that she could not appreciate what I did for her or who I was. Now that she is older and far crueler to me, I am just glad to hear she still finds people willing to spend time with her since some of her friends are fading away/ disappearing and not due to death or illness. Now that I don't say anything, but "that's wonderful!" and I guess I don't get any anxiety or hurt in my voice, she ups the ante and does an actual comparison for me of why my peer is better better than I am. I don't react and just make an excuse to get off the phone or I don't return the text. Does anyone else's mother do this sort of thing? [/quote]

Yup. Mom's surrogate daughter is praised and admired for being a "strong, independent woman" - career oriented, single, childless, doesn't want a husband or kids. But if I'm anything other than a 100% devoted housewife and SAHM, I'm ripped apart.

It's a weird dynamic. I know my mom sees a lot of herself in surrogate; mom was career oriented and went from extreme poverty (like, house with dirt floors level poverty) to making $500k a year. But she's always pushed me to marry a rich man, become a SAHM, and never work. I know she wants me to have an easy life, but it sucks she relates to and fawns over surrogate more than me. [/quote]

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