Ever regret having the third child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My third child is my ab

[img] osolute favorite of the three I have.

how can you say that silly awful woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never regretted having a third but my husband has. Our lives have become significantly more chaotic with a third and we both lost most of our last remaining free time. I'm okay with that because I always wanted three kids and I LOVE young children. My husband was perfectly fulfilled with two kids and so he's more aware that the chaos that now rules our lives was completely optional and while he makes the most of things and is a great dad he wishes we had stopped at two. Life would have been much, much easier!

I know this is exactly how my husband would be---so I am stopping at 2.

My husband as well. Sometimes I think about a third, but I know he'd be completely overwhelmed. In all honesty, I probably would be too at first, but might be willing to suck it up for a few years, but not him.

[Anonymous]

I’m regretting my third. Finances, and joy of living has disappeared.

[Anonymous]

My mom told me once, long ago, that she no longer regretted having her third (my younger sib). I can’t remember how old I was, maybe a young adult. The implication was she had regretted it for a long time. The sib has significant special needs and i think it took her a long time to come to terms with how much that changed her life.

[Anonymous]

We don't regret our third at all. In fact, we're expecting a fourth.

[Anonymous]

We love our 4. Yes its work and we won't be rich but so what. Life isn't all about money and vacations.

[Anonymous]

I dont regret my third, but I often think how easy/more fun things would be with two, especially during the pandemic.

They are 3, 9, 11 right now. Projects my older ones want to do such as advanced crafts, sewing, baking, building, etc are very difficult, frustrating, or nearly impossible with a 3 yr old in the mix. Same goes for outdoor stuff such as long hikes, skiing, ice skating, sledding is all harder and different when you have a 3 yr old too. Same goes for the part-time homeschooling we are doing. Trying to help with advanced concepts (and figure them out myself if i need a refresher) is really hard with a much younger child in the mix.

We don't have family help and DH works long hours. Tag teaming is often not an option right now. But I do the best I can to meet all their needs and make sure everyone is happy and thriving- which they are. I don't regret the third, she enhances our life in many ways, but this particular phase, which I would say started around 18 mon and will likely last until 4-5 is really hard with a big age split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont regret my third, but I often think how easy/more fun things would be with two, especially during the pandemic.

They are 3, 9, 11 right now. Projects my older ones want to do such as advanced crafts, sewing, baking, building, etc are very difficult, frustrating, or nearly impossible with a 3 yr old in the mix. Same goes for outdoor stuff such as long hikes, skiing, ice skating, sledding is all harder and different when you have a 3 yr old too. Same goes for the part-time homeschooling we are doing. Trying to help with advanced concepts (and figure them out myself if i need a refresher) is really hard with a much younger child in the mix.

We don't have family help and DH works long hours. Tag teaming is often not an option right now. But I do the best I can to meet all their needs and make sure everyone is happy and thriving- which they are. I don't regret the third, she enhances our life in many ways, but this particular phase, which I would say started around 18 mon and will likely last until 4-5 is really hard with a big age split.

I think it’s more about the big age difference. We have 3 but they are super close in age (5, 4 and 1). It’s hard but easier if you understand. Similar stages in life for all 3, more or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My third child is my abosolute favorite of the three I have.

Please dont have favourites. Your older children willresent them.

[Anonymous]

I'm the third of four and based on my experience I wouldn't have four kids, for sure, probably not three. I love my siblings but it is not the life I want for myself as an adult. On one hand I had to be self sufficient which served me well as an adult. On the other hand, sometimes it was all a lot sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Only when I was very very tired with a newborn.

My fourth was born yesterday. I haven’t slept in more than 24 hours. I regret it.

I’m sure I won’t after some sleep.

[Anonymous]

I should note as someone from a big family, you shouldn't ask moms of young kids this. The chaos didn't really get into full swing until my oldest brother was a teen.

Even now, I kind of dread holidays with my everyone because it's always so loud. But this is also a fun combo of a large family and multiple people with ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should note as someone from a big family, you shouldn't ask moms of young kids this. The chaos didn't really get into full swing until my oldest brother was a teen.

Even now, I kind of dread holidays with my everyone because it's always so loud. But this is also a fun combo of a large family and multiple people with ADHD.

Huh. Coming from a family of 4, I thought that’s when it got super fun!

[Anonymous]

I am from a large family (third of four kids) and I wish my parents had stopped at two. I think they would have been happier, but I especially think their kids would have been happier. More kids means fewer resources per kid. And because of age differences, it's actually impossible to allocate the resources equally. Impossible. You can never give your younger children the same amount of parental attention as the old children because there are simply more people around. People will say "oh, but they get attention from the older kids." Okay, in some families maybe that's good attention. In mine, it was not good attention because the older children were resentful towards the younger children. That's not love and care.

Also, having four kids took a serious toll on my parents' mental health while also zapping them of the financial and time resources they needed to address both these mental health issues and others that would have arisen no matter what (their own messy childhoods, middle age stuff, etc.). There was simply not enough resources to go around, to anyone. And we were relatively well off. But four kids is so many mouths to feed, so many educations to tend to, so many inner emotional lives to monitor and feed.

I think this only works if you have additional adults around. A very involved (or preferably multiple very involved) grandparents. A full time nanny. And even then, you are going to have to manage these complicated schedules. Plus, those extra adults have their own needs. What happens when your parents need end of life care. What happens when your wonderful nanny wants to move home to be near her own grandchildren. You need resources upon resources. Modern life is hard and complicated.

Don't have more kids just because you "love little kids" or "always dreamed of a big family." It's frankly selfish. Think what life will really be like for your children. Ask yourself if your fantasy of what life with a big family will be like is worth potentially having kids who resent their childhood and their siblings forever because they just did not get the love and support they needed as children. Really think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My third child is my abosolute favorite of the three I have.

I am from a big family. My mom also had/has a favorite. That favorite sibling (not me) had a great big family with lots of kids, just like our parents did.

All the other siblings have either one or two kids and zero interest in more.

My parents regularly lament that so many of their children don't seem to like them much.

Make your choices, reap the consequences. Have fun!