Ever regret having the third child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't regret the third. I'm beginning to regret not having a fourth. I wonder if it's really too late.

I'm in the same boat. Pregnant with #3 at 40 but thinking I'd like a fourth, which might not be in the cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never regretted having a third but my husband has. Our lives have become significantly more chaotic with a third and we both lost most of our last remaining free time. I'm okay with that because I always wanted three kids and I LOVE young children. My husband was perfectly fulfilled with two kids and so he's more aware that the chaos that now rules our lives was completely optional and while he makes the most of things and is a great dad he wishes we had stopped at two. Life would have been much, much easier!

I know this is exactly how my husband would be---so I am stopping at 2.

Same!

[Anonymous]

TOTALLY. I try REALLY hard not to take it out on the third, but I am sure he knows he is not wanted or enjoyed. It is so obvious that I really DID start a therapy fund for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TOTALLY. I try REALLY hard not to take it out on the third, but I am sure he knows he is not wanted or enjoyed. It is so obvious that I really DID start a therapy fund for him.

Was he an intentional pregnancy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TOTALLY. I try REALLY hard not to take it out on the third, but I am sure he knows he is not wanted or enjoyed. It is so obvious that I really DID start a therapy fund for him.

The other children will need therapy too, you realize. They all see that your love is not total and unconditional. The older ones are afraid they could lose your love, I promise you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TOTALLY. I try REALLY hard not to take it out on the third, but I am sure he knows he is not wanted or enjoyed. It is so obvious that I really DID start a therapy fund for him.

Was he an intentional pregnancy?

Yes, but it was a huge mistake. I wish we'd never had him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TOTALLY. I try REALLY hard not to take it out on the third, but I am sure he knows he is not wanted or enjoyed. It is so obvious that I really DID start a therapy fund for him.

Was he an intentional pregnancy?

Yes, but it was a huge mistake. I wish we'd never had him.

Do you think it's b/c he's the third, b/c he's challenging in a particular way? Is he still really young? Does your DH feel the same? Maybe you should use the therapy money for yourself--not being snarky--it might help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TOTALLY. I try REALLY hard not to take it out on the third, but I am sure he knows he is not wanted or enjoyed. It is so obvious that I really DID start a therapy fund for him.

Was he an intentional pregnancy?

Yes, but it was a huge mistake. I wish we'd never had him.

Do you think it's b/c he's the third, b/c he's challenging in a particular way? Is he still really young? Does your DH feel the same? Maybe you should use the therapy money for yourself--not being snarky--it might help.

It's a lot of things. I like having daughters, don't really like having a son. Two felt like plenty, three is too much. I've been told by others that he's a very sweet boy, well-behaved, very bright, etc. I just wish he wasn't around. A family of four is easy, but five is not. I just think having the third was a big mistake.

[Anonymous]

15:26, I'm sorry for your pain but you really need to see someone about this. How does your DH feel about your attitude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:26, I'm sorry for your pain but you really need to see someone about this. How does your DH feel about your attitude?

I did see someone. I was told it was PPD, but he's 8 now and I'm pretty sure it's not. DH knows and agrees that a family of 5 is harder than a family of 4, and in retrospect we should have stopped at 2, but thinks DS is a very cool kid and loves him to pieces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:26, I'm sorry for your pain but you really need to see someone about this. How does your DH feel about your attitude?

Agree. I'd consider seeing someone-you sound really down and this might help and help you figure out how to bond with your son. And try to figure out tools to help you deal with the challenges of three so it's not taken out on the child (use that therapy money for housekeeper/babysitting etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15:26, I'm sorry for your pain but you really need to see someone about this. How does your DH feel about your attitude?

I did see someone. I was told it was PPD, but he's 8 now and I'm pretty sure it's not. DH knows and agrees that a family of 5 is harder than a family of 4, and in retrospect we should have stopped at 2, but thinks DS is a very cool kid and loves him to pieces.

Could it just be regular ole' depression? Sorry for your struggle--I really hope you can find a way to work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15:26, I'm sorry for your pain but you really need to see someone about this. How does your DH feel about your attitude?

I did see someone. I was told it was PPD, but he's 8 now and I'm pretty sure it's not. DH knows and agrees that a family of 5 is harder than a family of 4, and in retrospect we should have stopped at 2, but thinks DS is a very cool kid and loves him to pieces.

Please see someone new. For your sake and his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15:26, I'm sorry for your pain but you really need to see someone about this. How does your DH feel about your attitude?

Agree. I'd consider seeing someone-you sound really down and this might help and help you figure out how to bond with your son. And try to figure out tools to help you deal with the challenges of three so it's not taken out on the child (use that therapy money for housekeeper/babysitting etc).

I already did see someone after he was no longer a baby. We do have regular babysitters and a cleaning lady who comes twice a week. I'm not overwhelmed with the work of having 3. It's hard to explain, it's more like the tables in a restaurant are made for four, a non SUV is most comfortable for four instead of five, the girls have to share a bedroom unless we choose to get a bigger house or give up our office/guest room. Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15:26, I'm sorry for your pain but you really need to see someone about this. How does your DH feel about your attitude?

Agree. I'd consider seeing someone-you sound really down and this might help and help you figure out how to bond with your son. And try to figure out tools to help you deal with the challenges of three so it's not taken out on the child (use that therapy money for housekeeper/babysitting etc).

I already did see someone after he was no longer a baby. We do have regular babysitters and a cleaning lady who comes twice a week. I'm not overwhelmed with the work of having 3. It's hard to explain, it's more like the tables in a restaurant are made for four, a non SUV is most comfortable for four instead of five, the girls have to share a bedroom unless we choose to get a bigger house or give up our office/guest room. Stuff like that.

But that is all true for all families of five and not everyone regrets the third. I'm not blaming you. I have a lot of sympathy and wish it could be otherwise for you. There must be a way.