Why can’t I just be honest and tell my daughter that living as a fat woman is hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't think she knows? You think nobody's ever made fun of her for having a fat mom, or the clothes you wear or how they fit you? You think she's never seen you hesitate before you sit down in a delicate-looking chair? You think she's never noticed you heave your body up from a sitting position?

This is all obvious. She doesn't need to be told.

Gosh, you are cruel.

No, I'm the child of an obese mom and dealt with all these things. I pushed my mom's fatness aside to buckle her into her seatbelt. I helped her shop for clothes because she was too embarrassed to tell salespeople she was a 26/28. I got made fun of all the time for having a fat mom. I felt my face go red when my friend giggled watching my mother rock back and forth to get the momentum to heave herself up from the couch. I went through all of this and a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't think she knows? You think nobody's ever made fun of her for having a fat mom, or the clothes you wear or how they fit you? You think she's never seen you hesitate before you sit down in a delicate-looking chair? You think she's never noticed you heave your body up from a sitting position?

This is all obvious. She doesn't need to be told.

I’d rather have a fat mom than you for a mom. In fact, I’d rather BE the fat mom than be someone close to you. Wow.

+1 What a cruel poster.

I've been fluctuating between thin and fat the past few years and I haven't met anyone in real life who was as nasty and vile like that poster. No one has made fun of my kids for my weight.

I was very close with my mom and absolutely never told her that kids made fun of her fatness to me. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Why would you think your kids would tell you?

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree you don't have to spell it out for her. I also agree that on the other hand, it's okay to share your emotional experience of living as a fat person.

However, please do listen to those posters saying that they were influenced by their mother's self esteem. I've known some fat people who seem to have great self-esteem and live comfortably in their bodies. Is it possible for you to work on your own sense of self-esteem and learn to believe in your own worth? It doesn't mean you have to love that you're fat, but you shouldn't feel embarrassed to exist in public. You have intrinsic value, and you can convey your sense of this to your child.

I have a different struggle. I am struggling with depression, which can also influence my children. I'm working on myself for their sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't think she knows? You think nobody's ever made fun of her for having a fat mom, or the clothes you wear or how they fit you? You think she's never seen you hesitate before you sit down in a delicate-looking chair? You think she's never noticed you heave your body up from a sitting position?

This is all obvious. She doesn't need to be told.

Maybe when you were young. But >70% of adults are overweight now. So most kids have “fat moms”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't think she knows? You think nobody's ever made fun of her for having a fat mom, or the clothes you wear or how they fit you? You think she's never seen you hesitate before you sit down in a delicate-looking chair? You think she's never noticed you heave your body up from a sitting position?

This is all obvious. She doesn't need to be told.

Maybe when you were young. But >70% of adults are overweight now. So most kids have “fat moms”

To add...the average women in the US is a size 16-18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't think she knows? You think nobody's ever made fun of her for having a fat mom, or the clothes you wear or how they fit you? You think she's never seen you hesitate before you sit down in a delicate-looking chair? You think she's never noticed you heave your body up from a sitting position?

This is all obvious. She doesn't need to be told.

Gosh, you are cruel.

No, I'm the child of an obese mom and dealt with all these things. I pushed my mom's fatness aside to buckle her into her seatbelt. I helped her shop for clothes because she was too embarrassed to tell salespeople she was a 26/28. I got made fun of all the time for having a fat mom. I felt my face go red when my friend giggled watching my mother rock back and forth to get the momentum to heave herself up from the couch. I went through all of this and a lot more.

There is a big difference between 14-18 size and size 26/28. Both are likely considered obese but there is a large amount of range in weight/body fat/mobility/etc between those two sizes.

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you think you can prevent your daughter gaining weight just by telling her not to? That’s obviously not how it works. If it’s that easy to just not be fat, then it should be easy for YOU to not be fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am fat and have been my whole life and don’t want my daughter to experience this. So I just want to come right out and tell her - whatever you do, do
Not get fat. Cause the world is rough on fat people.

I know we are supposed to emphasize health and movement and body positivity but I can’t help but feel
I am not telling her the whole truth.

She is 14. And not fat at all - yet.

Yes! Tell her now. Precisely because she is not. Are your relatives genetically heavy set? Or is it a diet/work out thing? Talk about it now, when it’s not a personal issue for her. You’re a good mom!

I totally agree. Modeling heathy eating, exercise, cooking, good food habits isn’t enough- because you are overweight. If you were enough, she will be wondering then why are you STILL overweight even though you don’t eat junk, exercise, etc. Truth is, and she needs to hear it, not becoming overweight in the first place is the most important thing. Once you get to be overweight it is too late. You will likely be overweight always. Most people never lose it or gain it back after a while. She should at least be aware the odds are against you once you gain too much weight, of ever maintaining a healthy weight.

[Anonymous]

Im gonna be real and say that instead of telling her that living as a fat woman is hard that living as rich and/or beautiful makes life easier. If you cant be one be the other.

It isnt about life being hard. Its about some things making life harder or some things making life easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im gonna be real and say that instead of telling her that living as a fat woman is hard that living as rich and/or beautiful makes life easier. If you cant be one be the other.

It isnt about life being hard. Its about some things making life harder or some things making life easier.

Just want to point out I know several beautiful women who are rich and also fat. Being fat doesn't make you ugly or preclude you from being wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im gonna be real and say that instead of telling her that living as a fat woman is hard that living as rich and/or beautiful makes life easier. If you cant be one be the other.

It isnt about life being hard. Its about some things making life harder or some things making life easier.

Just want to point out I know several beautiful women who are rich and also fat. Being fat doesn't make you ugly or preclude you from being wealthy.

Well that is what PP is saying…if you are going to be fat, than at least try to be rich (or beautiful) to offset the hardship obesity causes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im gonna be real and say that instead of telling her that living as a fat woman is hard that living as rich and/or beautiful makes life easier. If you cant be one be the other.

It isnt about life being hard. Its about some things making life harder or some things making life easier.

Just want to point out I know several beautiful women who are rich and also fat. Being fat doesn't make you ugly or preclude you from being wealthy.

Well that is what PP is saying…if you are going to be fat, than at least try to be rich (or beautiful) to offset the hardship obesity causes

“At least try to be rich or beautiful”….. Do you think everyone in the world can be rich and/or beautiful just by “trying”?

[Anonymous]

If she asks you answer honestly. But she won't for a long time. I think it is perfectly fine to admit you feel you could have done better in certain areas. I do that with my kids -- the fact that others do not shame me for my anger control problems and bouts of emotional instability do not mean that I should not strive to improve and share that striving with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Life is really hard when you are a miserable c**t no matter your size. So many of you posting of being ashamed of your mothers/making fun and ostracising overweight people are exactly that.

[Anonymous]

I’m really curious as to what people are considering as “fat”? I feel like that could mean a range of BMIs depending on your perspective, where you live (different norms in different parts of the country), etc.

I’m 50 years old, about 10 pounds overweight according to the BMI index, would like to lose the weight. My weight loss and my effort (I’m being honest!) have been slow going as we’ve started come out of the pandemic. I’ve been consistent with weight training but I’ve got a squishy middle for sure. What is fat?

And, separate but related, I 100% agree with people that say you should never ever ever put yourself down in front of your kids. You shouldn’t be doing it in your own head ideally but certainly not allowed in front of your kids.