OMG. Faux pas of the century here...

[Anonymous]

New poster. Can also confirm that there are social circles where people don’t make fun of their friends’ foibles behind their backs. I hope the baking friend knows that it is an option for her to find friends who don’t behave like this. I mean, maybe she really doesn’t mind, but if she does…

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:That’s not a faux pas. That’s you being really, really mean about someone who took the time to bake for you. I would NEVER talk about my friends like that. And I wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it either. You are toxic.

With respect, most friend groups have silly side jokes about their friends. You seem judgmental about this. I think it's super common.

No. It’s not common. It’s immature, middle school, mean girl behavior. Adults don’t behave like that.

Yes, they do. I have no fashion sense and it's a common joke. Adults definitely tease each other about their foibles.

Yes, they may tease their friends to their face but not behind their back. Grow up.

This. I dont talk about my friends behind their backs to other friends.

Nor do I. To my husband, sometimes. To mutual friends, never.

[Anonymous]

Well, you’re not going to be subjected to her cooking/baking in the future, so I guess you solved that problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's super cringe, OP, but no you are not a horrible person. Don't listen to all the harpies.

This sounds like it was written by a 12 yr old. Which explains the emotional maturity of the content as well as the word choice.

[Anonymous]

What was your husband’s reaction when you told him that you accidentally told friend how his birthday cupcakes were received?

[Anonymous]

A lot of people think the problem with some behavior isn’t the behavior itself, it’s getting caught. This is not the case here. It’s not okay to have a running joke like this where you make fun of somebody behind their back. You all are laughing at her, not with her.

Pleas acknowledge your mistake and apologize in person. She’s probably going to be really hurt that her friends have been laughing at her behind her back for so long, but I think it’s worth trying to make amends.

[Anonymous]

Can you just add a "totally kidding...thank-you so much for baking!"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think the problem with some behavior isn’t the behavior itself, it’s getting caught. This is not the case here. It’s not okay to have a running joke like this where you make fun of somebody behind their back. You all are laughing at her, not with her.

Pleas acknowledge your mistake and apologize in person. She’s probably going to be really hurt that her friends have been laughing at her behind her back for so long, but I think it’s worth trying to make amends.

We seem to be going off the topic of food, so I'll just ask: Do the people who say they never make fun of people behind their backs have no foibles they would be OK with their friends joking about? I have friends who drive me nuts in one way or another but overall, I think they rock. The ones I'm closest to are self-aware enough to know their minor flaws (which I consider being a bad cook to be), and while I wouldn't want them to harp on mine, I wouldn't care if they did. The truth is its own defense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think the problem with some behavior isn’t the behavior itself, it’s getting caught. This is not the case here. It’s not okay to have a running joke like this where you make fun of somebody behind their back. You all are laughing at her, not with her.

Pleas acknowledge your mistake and apologize in person. She’s probably going to be really hurt that her friends have been laughing at her behind her back for so long, but I think it’s worth trying to make amends.

We seem to be going off the topic of food, so I'll just ask: Do the people who say they never make fun of people behind their backs have no foibles they would be OK with their friends joking about? I have friends who drive me nuts in one way or another but overall, I think they rock. The ones I'm closest to are self-aware enough to know their minor flaws (which I consider being a bad cook to be), and while I wouldn't want them to harp on mine, I wouldn't care if they did. The truth is its own defense.

The difference is being upfront about it. Perhaps if OP teased the friend at the time "did you mix up the salt and sugar again?" it would be funny and lighthearted. But to accept the cupcakes and then snipe about them behind the baker's back is different. And yes, I can and do laugh about flaws with friends - weight, bad with money, terrible taste in boyfriends, procrastinator, etc. Nobody is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Had anyone just said anything to the bad cook? Like “Jane, it’s so thoughtful of you to bake. We’re just so overly picky and don’t want you to spend time or money on baking for us! It’s too much work and we can just run over to the grocery store. We feel too guilty taking up your time.” Or would that kill the running “joke?”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:That’s not a faux pas. That’s you being really, really mean about someone who took the time to bake for you. I would NEVER talk about my friends like that. And I wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it either. You are toxic.

With respect, most friend groups have silly side jokes about their friends. You seem judgmental about this. I think it's super common.

No. It’s not common. It’s immature, middle school, mean girl behavior. Adults don’t behave like that.

Yes, they do. I have no fashion sense and it's a common joke. Adults definitely tease each other about their foibles.

Yes, they may tease their friends to their face but not behind their back. Grow up.

I have to say that people shouldn't be distributing rock-hard cupcakes. That's mean too!

Listen to the PP. you and your friends are immature b@tches. Most people Stop being mean behind peoples back’s in middle school.

You were wrong you got caught own up to it

You sound like the most un-fun person on the planet.

This exchange explains so much about you, OP. You're the drunk one at all the parties, aren't you? I hope your group drops like you and shuns you, you horrid b1tch.

That was not OP - it was me. And you also sound delightful!

Seriously. "You horrid b1tch"? Over teasing someone about cupcakes? Good gravy.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, if you're going to talk sh*t about someone behind their back, be sure you check who the message went to...you said something really mean OP and you should contact your friend directly and apologize (profusely).

[Anonymous]

I am torn about this. I have a friend who is an awful cook. My husband and I do talk about it, but I would never joke about it with our other friends behind her back. I don’t think what OP did is the same.

I have also made it pretty clear to her that I hate her cooking without outright saying the words “I hate your cooking.” At Christmas dinner she had the epiphany that I have a craving for Indian takeout whenever I go to her house. She made a big joke out of it and we all had a good laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s not a faux pas. That’s you being really, really mean about someone who took the time to bake for you. I would NEVER talk about my friends like that. And I wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it either. You are toxic.

Same. You were meanly gossiping about her. That isn't a faux pas. That is you being a mean gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think the problem with some behavior isn’t the behavior itself, it’s getting caught. This is not the case here. It’s not okay to have a running joke like this where you make fun of somebody behind their back. You all are laughing at her, not with her.

Pleas acknowledge your mistake and apologize in person. She’s probably going to be really hurt that her friends have been laughing at her behind her back for so long, but I think it’s worth trying to make amends.

We seem to be going off the topic of food, so I'll just ask: Do the people who say they never make fun of people behind their backs have no foibles they would be OK with their friends joking about? I have friends who drive me nuts in one way or another but overall, I think they rock. The ones I'm closest to are self-aware enough to know their minor flaws (which I consider being a bad cook to be), and while I wouldn't want them to harp on mine, I wouldn't care if they did. The truth is its own defense.

The difference is being upfront about it. Perhaps if OP teased the friend at the time "did you mix up the salt and sugar again?" it would be funny and lighthearted. But to accept the cupcakes and then snipe about them behind the baker's back is different. And yes, I can and do laugh about flaws with friends - weight, bad with money, terrible taste in boyfriends, procrastinator, etc. Nobody is perfect.

Agreed, plus, there is a difference between a one-time “is it just me or is her food kind of bad” and what OP and her friends were doing. It’s apparent they have bonded over the bad cooking and that they have been hiding it. I don’t think they are mean girls but this is mean girl behavior .