OMG. Faux pas of the century here...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think the problem with some behavior isn’t the behavior itself, it’s getting caught. This is not the case here. It’s not okay to have a running joke like this where you make fun of somebody behind their back. You all are laughing at her, not with her.

Pleas acknowledge your mistake and apologize in person. She’s probably going to be really hurt that her friends have been laughing at her behind her back for so long, but I think it’s worth trying to make amends.

We seem to be going off the topic of food, so I'll just ask: Do the people who say they never make fun of people behind their backs have no foibles they would be OK with their friends joking about? I have friends who drive me nuts in one way or another but overall, I think they rock. The ones I'm closest to are self-aware enough to know their minor flaws (which I consider being a bad cook to be), and while I wouldn't want them to harp on mine, I wouldn't care if they did. The truth is its own defense.

Buuuut OP's post isn't about food. It is about her being a rude and mean gossip. There is nothing about food in OP's post except that it is the straight man to her cruel text to someone who did something nice for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well she replied laughing and saying she knows she's a bad chef but tries and suggested we do chinese takeout on Friday.
I'm actually not a horrible person either ....

Yeah right

+1

[Anonymous]

I bet you all an Hermes bag that OP is raising at least one mean-girl DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet you all an Hermes bag that OP is raising at least one mean-girl DD.

+1 and I double down by saying op’s claim that the friend replied with an lol saying she knows she’s a bad cook is a lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well she replied laughing and saying she knows she's a bad chef but tries and suggested we do chinese takeout on Friday.
I'm actually not a horrible person either ....

You're not a horrible person- there's a lot of drama on this thread...but you said something that wasn't nice and you got caught. I'm sure her feelings are hurt. Offer to pay for her dinner and sincerely apologize. Don't bring up her cooking again as a running joke or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The difference is being upfront about it. Perhaps if OP teased the friend at the time "did you mix up the salt and sugar again?" it would be funny and lighthearted. But to accept the cupcakes and then snipe about them behind the baker's back is different. And yes, I can and do laugh about flaws with friends - weight, bad with money, terrible taste in boyfriends, procrastinator, etc. Nobody is perfect.

Agreed, plus, there is a difference between a one-time “is it just me or is her food kind of bad” and what OP and her friends were doing. It’s apparent they have bonded over the bad cooking and that they have been hiding it. I don’t think they are mean girls but this is mean girl behavior .

All we know is that OP made a reference to "almost broke a tooth" -- a cliche exaggeration -- and said they should get her a GrubHub gift card. It doesn't sound terrible to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster. Can also confirm that there are social circles where people don’t make fun of their friends’ foibles behind their backs. I hope the baking friend knows that it is an option for her to find friends who don’t behave like this. I mean, maybe she really doesn’t mind, but if she does…

This. Maybe this is the way your friend circle rolls and you are ok with people making fun of you behind your back. But there are other ways of doing things out there. This would never be a faux pas in my world because I would never have sent the original text. And if I lost my mind and did, it would land with a thud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The difference is being upfront about it. Perhaps if OP teased the friend at the time "did you mix up the salt and sugar again?" it would be funny and lighthearted. But to accept the cupcakes and then snipe about them behind the baker's back is different. And yes, I can and do laugh about flaws with friends - weight, bad with money, terrible taste in boyfriends, procrastinator, etc. Nobody is perfect.

Agreed, plus, there is a difference between a one-time “is it just me or is her food kind of bad” and what OP and her friends were doing. It’s apparent they have bonded over the bad cooking and that they have been hiding it. I don’t think they are mean girls but this is mean girl behavior .

All we know is that OP made a reference to "almost broke a tooth" -- a cliche exaggeration -- and said they should get her a GrubHub gift card. It doesn't sound terrible to me.

If it was a one-off thing, that would be one thing. But it’s a “running joke secretly among the friend group.” Like I said I don’t think you can say they are terrible mean girl types, but this is mean girl behavior, even if the friend who is getting made fun of doesn’t know this is more than one errant text.

[Anonymous]

A little off topic but my college age vegan makes the worst food substituting things that just are not substitutes.

[Anonymous]

If your friend did text that response, she's a great friend (dare I say a better friend than you). Learn from her, it's a pivotal moment. You should tell her how much MORE you admire her.

[Anonymous]

I clicked on this thread thinking that the PP was back who thought diluting OJ was trashy. 🤪

[Anonymous]

A friend did this to me once. I live across the street from the elementary school, and my friend asked if I wanted to hang out by the playground for a little bit and chat while the kids played. I told her that I couldn’t stay because my toddler was napping in his crib and I needed to get back to the house.

I got a text message from my friend later that afternoon that was clearly for someone else, talking about how I left my child home alone. Something about it made it clear that this was the next installment in jokes about my parenting.

I think I texted back something nice, and I tried to be friends again, but I never really got over it, and I always kind of wondered what else they said or if they were still talking about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well she replied laughing and saying she knows she's a bad chef but tries and suggested we do chinese takeout on Friday.
I'm actually not a horrible person either ....

She sounds like she has very gracious manners. Good for her. She responded perfectly to a very uncomfortable situation that you created by being incredibly rude.

[Anonymous]

I can’t figure out from the OP if the friend subbed sugar for salt or subbed table salt for sea salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not a faux pas. That’s you being really, really mean about someone who took the time to bake for you. I would NEVER talk about my friends like that. And I wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it either. You are toxic.

With respect, most friend groups have silly side jokes about their friends. You seem judgmental about this. I think it's super common.

No. It’s not common. It’s immature, middle school, mean girl behavior. Adults don’t behave like that.

Yes, they do. I have no fashion sense and it's a common joke. Adults definitely tease each other about their foibles.

But you weren't teasing her. You were talking about her behind her back.