OMG. Faux pas of the century here...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not a faux pas. That’s you being really, really mean about someone who took the time to bake for you. I would NEVER talk about my friends like that. And I wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it either. You are toxic.

With respect, most friend groups have silly side jokes about their friends. You seem judgmental about this. I think it's super common.

With respect, no, most normal non-mean girl, friend groups do not talk or make fun of their friends behind their backs.

The fact that you think it’s normal and ‘super common’ tells a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend did this to me once. I live across the street from the elementary school, and my friend asked if I wanted to hang out by the playground for a little bit and chat while the kids played. I told her that I couldn’t stay because my toddler was napping in his crib and I needed to get back to the house.

I got a text message from my friend later that afternoon that was clearly for someone else, talking about how I left my child home alone. Something about it made it clear that this was the next installment in jokes about my parenting.

I think I texted back something nice, and I tried to be friends again, but I never really got over it, and I always kind of wondered what else they said or if they were still talking about me.

That doesn't sound like joking, though. It sounds like straight-up criticism. (And I am cool with people texting jokes about their friends' quirks as long as they're just quirks and the friends would (a) acknowledge that the criticism is true and (b) not think seeing someone's flaws means you don't like them.

I've got the friend who overreacts, the friend who is fervent about natural consequences for kids, etc. They joke about it, we joke about it, and sometimes when I'm texting one friend, I'll include a comment that could be seen as a bit of a jab at another friend. I don't think I'd describe it as the "faux pas of the century"

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your friend. You did not only out how you talk about her, but basically it gives away that the person you were writing to is "in on the joke." They may be mad as well.

If you value this friend, I would write out a very detailed snail mail letter, detailing how much she means to you and why. Of course, you should apologize for the text, and the many ways it was wrong to send. Perhaps, if it is true, say that it has caused you to re-examine your habit of using humor about others as entertainment. End on why you hope your friendship can be repaired, and how sincerely sorry you are for any pain you might have caused her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not a faux pas. That’s you being really, really mean about someone who took the time to bake for you. I would NEVER talk about my friends like that. And I wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it either. You are toxic.

With respect, most friend groups have silly side jokes about their friends. You seem judgmental about this. I think it's super common.

With respect, no, most normal non-mean girl, friend groups do not talk or make fun of their friends behind their backs.

The fact that you think it’s normal and ‘super common’ tells a lot about you.

I agree. Just because you have always done it, or gravitate towards the type of people who do this...does not mean everyone does it.

Consider that you could do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well she replied laughing and saying she knows she's a bad chef but tries and suggested we do chinese takeout on Friday.
I'm actually not a horrible person either ....

Maybe she has self esteem issues?

If I took the time to make home made cookies for my friend's husband, and they complained about them to a 3rd friend, you can bet I would like her less and stop with the kind gestures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. "When people tell you who they are, believe them."

You told her who you are, OP. For her sake, I hope she believes you.

Agree. It may confirm for her, that she is the running joke behind her back. Group F2F joking/teasing is one thing, most old friends do that and are in on it and can laugh at themselves with each other.

Women talking and texting about those in their so-called circle, behind their backs, a story as old as time.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of Bad Art Friend. OP is Bad Food Friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not a faux pas. That’s you being really, really mean about someone who took the time to bake for you. I would NEVER talk about my friends like that. And I wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it either. You are toxic.

With respect, most friend groups have silly side jokes about their friends. You seem judgmental about this. I think it's super common.

No. It’s not common. It’s immature, middle school, mean girl behavior. Adults don’t behave like that.

Yes, they do. I have no fashion sense and it's a common joke. Adults definitely tease each other about their foibles.

Yes, they may tease their friends to their face but not behind their back. Grow up.

I have to say that people shouldn't be distributing rock-hard cupcakes. That's mean too!

Listen to the PP. you and your friends are immature b@tches. Most people Stop being mean behind peoples back’s in middle school.

You were wrong you got caught own up to it

You sound like the most un-fun person on the planet.

You sound like you’re in seventh grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well she replied laughing and saying she knows she's a bad chef but tries and suggested we do chinese takeout on Friday.
I'm actually not a horrible person either ....

Yes. You kinda are. I would not be friends with you after a comment like that. My friends don’t talk about each other like that. You’ve shown her your character.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well she replied laughing and saying she knows she's a bad chef but tries and suggested we do chinese takeout on Friday.
I'm actually not a horrible person either ....

Yeah right

+1

+2. BS OP made up to save face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s not a faux pas. That’s you being really, really mean about someone who took the time to bake for you. I would NEVER talk about my friends like that. And I wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it either. You are toxic.

+1000% OP sounds horrible!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend did this to me once. I live across the street from the elementary school, and my friend asked if I wanted to hang out by the playground for a little bit and chat while the kids played. I told her that I couldn’t stay because my toddler was napping in his crib and I needed to get back to the house.

I got a text message from my friend later that afternoon that was clearly for someone else, talking about how I left my child home alone. Something about it made it clear that this was the next installment in jokes about my parenting.

I think I texted back something nice, and I tried to be friends again, but I never really got over it, and I always kind of wondered what else they said or if they were still talking about me.

That doesn't sound like joking, though. It sounds like straight-up criticism. (And I am cool with people texting jokes about their friends' quirks as long as they're just quirks and the friends would (a) acknowledge that the criticism is true and (b) not think seeing someone's flaws means you don't like them.

I've got the friend who overreacts, the friend who is fervent about natural consequences for kids, etc. They joke about it, we joke about it, and sometimes when I'm texting one friend, I'll include a comment that could be seen as a bit of a jab at another friend. I don't think I'd describe it as the "faux pas of the century"

Isn't saying that someone's cupcakes are rock hard a criticism? I don't really see how it's a joke.

I guess if the friend knew that the cupcakes were inedible, and she brought them over anyway to show how ridiculous they were, that's one thing. But it seems like she was pretty sincere about it.