WARNING - DD filmed by two older men in Plaza America Reston Starbucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry this happened to your Dd. I think her calling you is fine, though maybe your advice ought to have been a bit different. She needs to be taught how to handle these situations. If she did not want to call the police then she could either confront the men or leave. I would have turned my camera onto them.

Getting the male barista involved doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not his place to tell customers to delete footage from their phone. That could escalate the situation and I’m glad he was not hurt. She could ask him to be a witness as she confronted the man but not get him to be her voice. She needs to feel empowered enough to use her own voice. This will, sadly, not be the last time a man will make her uncomfortable or cross her boundaries, teach her to speak up for herself.

Are you male or female? These entitled men don't take women seriously, which is why we need other men to assist us. If they took us seriously, they wouldn't violate us in the first place.

I’m a female and I’ve been in a number of situations I have needed to decide how to react to disgusting men.

Stop discounting the power women have over themselves. Sure, there are some situations where having a male person around helps. This is why I stated she could ask the male barista to be a witness. But this situation did not need to first jump to a male calling out the men. Again, she needs to know her voice matters and that she can navigate this world without a male escort to jump in and save the day anytime she faces difficult situations.

DP. Not the person to whom you're responding.

I wonder how this thread would be going if the OP had not said the barista was male but instead had said the employee who helped was just "a barista" or was "the manager" with no gender indicated. We're all often told to call a manager's or employee's attention to things in a cafe or store that are problematic, or to people who are behaving obnoxiously. I wonder if this thread would be so much about "DD should not have involved a male person" if we didn't know that the employee who stepped in was male. We might be here saying, good job involving the employees or management since it's their business and they need to be aware of pervy behaviors that upset customers.

I agree, this is a learning experience for the DD regarding being more forceful herself. Op should role-play this with her DD, possibly, so DD is prepared if this happens again. But I also do not want women of any age to feel they are being weak, un-feminist or somehow un-empowered if they speak up to people around them, and ask for assistance in a situation like this, or any situation.

[Anonymous]

The best thing to do in that situation is to leave. Remove yourself from the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, they were in a public place. Anyone can take pictures or video of people who are in public places.

Sounds like an excellent way to get yourself ejected from an establishment or punched in the face.

Punched in the face? That would be prison and a lawsuit.

Low IQ people tend to resort to violence because they can’t form and articulate complete thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 18-year-old DD would have kicked him in the shins. Then in the balls.

Well then you’ve raised a low intellect, hyper aggressive imbecile…..congrats!

I was the same way when I was young. Women have to be careful because men don't like when we defend ourselves. One guy tried to punch me in the face when I cussed him out for grabbing my rear. If not for the men who held him back, my jaw would've surely been broken.

Never confront males. It’s a recipe for disaster. I took a self-defense class and that was one of the first lessons. Many men when confronted will escalate quickly- particularly if they are in groups of two or more. Also, I’ve learned the hard way if they escalate, even in a public place, you are usually on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 25 year old daughter couldn’t figure out what to do without your help? Yikes.

I wouldn't have known exactly what to do and I'm 34.

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old DD and her friend were in the Plaza America Reston Starbucks when a young woman approached my daughter and said two older (50s) men were sitting together filming on their phone, mostly my DD who was facing them. My DD immediately texted me (I’m out of town) and asked what she should do. I said call the police and let them handle it. Both girls were reluctant to do so, so told a male Barista who bravely went over and approached the men, telling them to delete the recording. The girls left and went to her friend’s Mom’s home. I called the non-emergency number and the officer was very nice, but said that it was not a crime unless it was lewd filming (i.e. in a bathroom stall, etc).

When I get back I’m going to that Starbucks and leaving a huge tip in their cup.

There is no expectation of privacy in a public place. The person taking the photo should have told the barista to buzz off as he was doing nothing illegal. A 25 year old woman should be able to fend for herself and not need to call her mommy. Also, the police could have done nothing as no crime was committed!

Says the voyeuristic entitled pervert.

No. Says the person that’s right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, they were in a public place. Anyone can take pictures or video of people who are in public places.

Sounds like an excellent way to get yourself ejected from an establishment or punched in the face.

Punched in the face? That would be prison and a lawsuit.

Low IQ people tend to resort to violence because they can’t form and articulate complete thoughts.

What's low IQ is thinking that anyone is going to be arrested or successfully sued for defending themselves against an obvious voyeur.

[Anonymous]

Take their pics and post them all over the area. Is she liable if she "accidentally" spills hot coffee on them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, they were in a public place. Anyone can take pictures or video of people who are in public places.

Sounds like an excellent way to get yourself ejected from an establishment or punched in the face.

Punched in the face? That would be prison and a lawsuit.

Low IQ people tend to resort to violence because they can’t form and articulate complete thoughts.

What's low IQ is thinking that anyone is going to be arrested or successfully sued for defending themselves against an obvious voyeur.

But you’re not defending yourself. You’re physically assaulting someone who isn’t doing anything illegal.

That makes YOU the violent criminal here. Because that’s what you are - a violent criminal.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with someone seeking advice from others when they find themselves in a weird situation like this. What difference does it make if they reach out to a parent as opposed to a friend or work colleague? And filming a young woman in public like that is downright creepy. It is disturbing how quick some are to excuse this type of behavior simply because it is not per se illegal. Lots of behavior falls within the "lawful but awful" category. That doesn't make it appropriate. It isn't necessarily illegal to make vulgar or lewd comments to a woman in public either. But if you do so, you have no right to complain about being called out on it. And if someone punched your lights out for it, good luck getting a jury to convict them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take their pics and post them all over the area. Is she liable if she "accidentally" spills hot coffee on them?

Take their picture and post it everywhere? Perfectly acceptable and legal.

Spill hot coffee on them? That’s felonious assault. You will go to jail. As you should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with someone seeking advice from others when they find themselves in a weird situation like this. What difference does it make if they reach out to a parent as opposed to a friend or work colleague? And filming a young woman in public like that is downright creepy. It is disturbing how quick some are to excuse this type of behavior simply because it is not per se illegal. Lots of behavior falls within the "lawful but awful" category. That doesn't make it appropriate. It isn't necessarily illegal to make vulgar or lewd comments to a woman in public either. But if you do so, you have no right to complain about being called out on it. And if someone punched your lights out for it, good luck getting a jury to convict them.

A jury will absolutely convict you of “punching their lights out” if you attack someone because they took your picture.


Ask Sean Penn about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take their pics and post them all over the area. Is she liable if she "accidentally" spills hot coffee on them?

Take their picture and post it everywhere? Perfectly acceptable and legal.

Spill hot coffee on them? That’s felonious assault. You will go to jail. As you should.

It's assault to trip and fumble on accident?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not illegal to photograph a person without their permission in a place without a reasonable expectation of privacy.

A private business that is a place of public accommodation does not offer a reasonable expectation of privacy. Period.

The person recording video was doing nothing illegal.

Your daughter was also being recorded at the same time by the CCTV security cameras within the Starbucks. And virtually every time she goes into a business, most of which have cameras and constantly record everyone within the space.


People can take your picture or record you in a public space.

Get over it.

Yeah, but she would be one of hundreds in the week's store recordings, not fodder for some pervert's spank bank.

It's cute that you think that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 25 year old daughter couldn’t figure out what to do without your help? Yikes.

I thought OP was going to say her daughter was in middle/high school.

Something like this should only happen if the DD is 15, not 25. Your daughter has no coping abilities, OP.

My DD is 4’11” She looks 15. To be honest, she was concerned about calling police because the men were not white, and therefore did not want to cause a scene (her friend with her was also not white, so no, they are not racist. So she contacted me I told my daughter that we should not consider race when it comes to creepy behavior - err on the side of caution.