WARNING - DD filmed by two older men in Plaza America Reston Starbucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 18-year-old DD would have kicked him in the shins. Then in the balls.

And she’d get arrested and charged with assault. You must be so ashamed you didn’t raise her right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not illegal to photograph a person without their permission in a place without a reasonable expectation of privacy.

A private business that is a place of public accommodation does not offer a reasonable expectation of privacy. Period.

The person recording video was doing nothing illegal.

Your daughter was also being recorded at the same time by the CCTV security cameras within the Starbucks. And virtually every time she goes into a business, most of which have cameras and constantly record everyone within the space.


People can take your picture or record you in a public space.

Get over it.

Not OP, but -- if you can't see, or won't see, the difference between CCTV security filming and what this jerk was doing, you are seriously twisted.

Your post comes across like a defense of these pervs.

Sure, it's not illegal to record in public spaces. But "not illegal" is the lowest possible bar for behavior. I wonder what else you justify as OK because, hey, it's not illegal.

DP

If something isn’t illegal, then by definition it’s ok.

[Anonymous]

I see our weekly "someone is filming you" thread is back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 25 year old daughter couldn’t figure out what to do without your help? Yikes.

I thought OP was going to say her daughter was in middle/high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry this happened to your Dd. I think her calling you is fine, though maybe your advice ought to have been a bit different. She needs to be taught how to handle these situations. If she did not want to call the police then she could either confront the men or leave. I would have turned my camera onto them.

Getting the male barista involved doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not his place to tell customers to delete footage from their phone. That could escalate the situation and I’m glad he was not hurt. She could ask him to be a witness as she confronted the man but not get him to be her voice. She needs to feel empowered enough to use her own voice. This will, sadly, not be the last time a man will make her uncomfortable or cross her boundaries, teach her to speak up for herself.

In an ideal world, yes, the DD would have handled it herself. The world is not ideal. She froze up which is not ideal either -- but it IS human. While I'm all about women standing up for themselves (I'm a woman with a DD nearly the age of the DD in this case), I also think women, and men, need to know it's OK to ask out loud for help from those around you.

It may not have been the barista's "place" to tell the man to delete but damn, the barista was gutsy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry this happened to your Dd. I think her calling you is fine, though maybe your advice ought to have been a bit different. She needs to be taught how to handle these situations. If she did not want to call the police then she could either confront the men or leave. I would have turned my camera onto them.

Getting the male barista involved doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not his place to tell customers to delete footage from their phone. That could escalate the situation and I’m glad he was not hurt. She could ask him to be a witness as she confronted the man but not get him to be her voice. She needs to feel empowered enough to use her own voice. This will, sadly, not be the last time a man will make her uncomfortable or cross her boundaries, teach her to speak up for herself.

Are you male or female? These entitled men don't take women seriously, which is why we need other men to assist us. If they took us seriously, they wouldn't violate us in the first place.

I’m a female and I’ve been in a number of situations I have needed to decide how to react to disgusting men.

Stop discounting the power women have over themselves. Sure, there are some situations where having a male person around helps. This is why I stated she could ask the male barista to be a witness. But this situation did not need to first jump to a male calling out the men. Again, she needs to know her voice matters and that she can navigate this world without a male escort to jump in and save the day anytime she faces difficult situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see our weekly "someone is filming you" thread is back.

Nice way to dismiss, or even normalize, the idea that people filming other people in public is worth merely a shrug.

Don't pull out the "But it's not illegal" card. Just because something is not illegal does not mean it's fine to do, or that the subject of the "it's not illegal" filming should just suck it up and be OK with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 25 year old daughter couldn’t figure out what to do without your help? Yikes.

I thought OP was going to say her daughter was in middle/high school.

Something like this should only happen if the DD is 15, not 25. Your daughter has no coping abilities, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The “get over it” poster must be men. They have no idea what it’s like to be viewed as prey on a weekly basis your entire life.

Eh, I think you’re flattering yourself. No one is thinking of you as “prey” every week, drama llama.

Some girls and women are preyed on daily.

DP, but I'm having trouble understanding why a man would film a woman in public. I don't know where that fits in the "preying" category. Does someone have a weird coffee drinking fetish? (not being sarcastic, genuinely asking.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old DD and her friend were in the Plaza America Reston Starbucks when a young woman approached my daughter and said two older (50s) men were sitting together filming on their phone, mostly my DD who was facing them. My DD immediately texted me (I’m out of town) and asked what she should do. I said call the police and let them handle it. Both girls were reluctant to do so, so told a male Barista who bravely went over and approached the men, telling them to delete the recording. The girls left and went to her friend’s Mom’s home. I called the non-emergency number and the officer was very nice, but said that it was not a crime unless it was lewd filming (i.e. in a bathroom stall, etc).

When I get back I’m going to that Starbucks and leaving a huge tip in their cup.

Yep, it's not a crime. One of my kids has a deranged stalker fellow student filming him at high school. Nothing the school can do, but tell her to stop. They cannot take her phone. They cannot ask to see what she filmed. She can deny. You are allowed to film in public places. It's totally creepy. Police can do nothing. That was kind of the barista, but they do not have to erase it or stop. The laws need to catch up with phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry this happened to your Dd. I think her calling you is fine, though maybe your advice ought to have been a bit different. She needs to be taught how to handle these situations. If she did not want to call the police then she could either confront the men or leave. I would have turned my camera onto them.

Getting the male barista involved doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not his place to tell customers to delete footage from their phone. That could escalate the situation and I’m glad he was not hurt. She could ask him to be a witness as she confronted the man but not get him to be her voice. She needs to feel empowered enough to use her own voice. This will, sadly, not be the last time a man will make her uncomfortable or cross her boundaries, teach her to speak up for herself.

In an ideal world, yes, the DD would have handled it herself. The world is not ideal. She froze up which is not ideal either -- but it IS human. While I'm all about women standing up for themselves (I'm a woman with a DD nearly the age of the DD in this case), I also think women, and men, need to know it's OK to ask out loud for help from those around you.

It may not have been the barista's "place" to tell the man to delete but damn, the barista was gutsy.

Not disagreeing. It is absolutely okay to ask for help. In this case, I’d still say start with your own voice. Have the witness and if needed, ask for help to jump in.

This is a teaching moment. How to better prepare yourself to navigate situations in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, they were in a public place. Anyone can take pictures or video of people who are in public places.

Sounds like an excellent way to get yourself ejected from an establishment or punched in the face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see our weekly "someone is filming you" thread is back.

Nice way to dismiss, or even normalize, the idea that people filming other people in public is worth merely a shrug.

Don't pull out the "But it's not illegal" card. Just because something is not illegal does not mean it's fine to do, or that the subject of the "it's not illegal" filming should just suck it up and be OK with it.

You probably do some things I don’t like but are nonetheless legal. Shall I start demanding you not do those things as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, they were in a public place. Anyone can take pictures or video of people who are in public places.

Sounds like an excellent way to get yourself ejected from an establishment or punched in the face.

Punched in the face? That would be prison and a lawsuit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, they were in a public place. Anyone can take pictures or video of people who are in public places.

Sounds like an excellent way to get yourself ejected from an establishment or punched in the face.

You can be asked to leave, sure.

But if you physically assault someone for taking your picture, you’re either going to get your a$$ stomped flat, or arrested, or both. You can’t just go up and hit people who are annoying you. That’s not how real-life works.