MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Look I'm perfectly ready to take your side, OP.

I'm an earlier poster whose mother got up because she wanted to, and was very excited about having her grandchild there. If it had been any other noise in the middle of the night, she'd have been really angry, though!

Just try not to make too much of a big deal out of this, because you don't want to blow up a relationship over a very temporary situation. And yes, next time, stay in a hotel or AirBnB, unless your child sleeps through the night by then.
Your husband has to calm down too. You're both sleep deprived and need to see the long-term perspective.

[Anonymous]

I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

[Anonymous]

The bathroom isn't even in the bedroom? Both you and your husband are walking around, down the hall, using the bathroom, meanwhile a baby is screaming and you're surprised she woke up? That's a lot of noise in the middle of the night and no, a white noise machine isn't going to cancel it all out. You woke her up, she was trying to help, and you overreacted. She's not used to the ruckus in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.

Nope, not after several nights of telling her all was well and that they would handle it, AND telling them even before the visit that all would be well and they would handle it. Nope, continuing to bother people when they have a situation totally in hand is not helpful, it's just trying to get attention and "be important." Get your validation elsewhere, and leave parents of babies alone.

Why must you assume the worst of her? Are you that hateful and sad with your life that you assume others are as bad as you? OP, she likely just wants to be involved. Rather than tell her you got it, ask her if she'd like to hold the baby after you're done feeding? Or if she would mind changing the diaper while you go to the bathroom. Wanting to be involved doesn't mean she's trying to be important - it may mean she loves the baby.

NOPE, that just makes life harder for tired mom and dad! They have their routine, they've got it. Grandma can hold the baby during the day and can be helpful during the day. Parents have already said that they don't want "help" in the middle of the night. It was made clear several times. Anyone who wants to "help" parents of babies can start by listening to what the parents say will actually be helpful.

Mom and dad need to figure out a routine where they BOTH aren't getting up together in the middle of the night to tend to 1 baby.

…says who? If they’re all sleeping in a back bedroom it’s not like one would here baby cry. Mom quickly pees before settling down to BF makes total sense.

[Anonymous]

I bet she just wanted to help, esp. if this is her first grand child. My MIL did the same and I handed baby and bottle to her and she was thrilled and I went back to bed. Same with my mom.
I get it, you have your routine, but look at it from her perspective. She was a mom and is probably very excited to soak in her grandchild, even when it cries in the middle of the night.

[Anonymous]

Stay in a hotel if MIL and FIL won't close their door and use a white noise machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.

Nope, not after several nights of telling her all was well and that they would handle it, AND telling them even before the visit that all would be well and they would handle it. Nope, continuing to bother people when they have a situation totally in hand is not helpful, it's just trying to get attention and "be important." Get your validation elsewhere, and leave parents of babies alone.

Why must you assume the worst of her? Are you that hateful and sad with your life that you assume others are as bad as you? OP, she likely just wants to be involved. Rather than tell her you got it, ask her if she'd like to hold the baby after you're done feeding? Or if she would mind changing the diaper while you go to the bathroom. Wanting to be involved doesn't mean she's trying to be important - it may mean she loves the baby.

NOPE, that just makes life harder for tired mom and dad! They have their routine, they've got it. Grandma can hold the baby during the day and can be helpful during the day. Parents have already said that they don't want "help" in the middle of the night. It was made clear several times. Anyone who wants to "help" parents of babies can start by listening to what the parents say will actually be helpful.

Mom and dad need to figure out a routine where they BOTH aren't getting up together in the middle of the night to tend to 1 baby.

…says who? If they’re all sleeping in a back bedroom it’s not like one would here baby cry. Mom quickly pees before settling down to BF makes total sense.

Says.... anyone who doesn't want to be exhausted? Both mom and dad are getting up to pee, at the same time, using a bathroom down the hall to to deal with 1 crying baby. No wonder they are exhausted. Maybe take turns? Don't change the baby every time? Pump and use a bottle? So many options that don't require 2 adults to do the job of 1 every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bathroom isn't even in the bedroom? Both you and your husband are walking around, down the hall, using the bathroom, meanwhile a baby is screaming and you're surprised she woke up? That's a lot of noise in the middle of the night and no, a white noise machine isn't going to cancel it all out. You woke her up, she was trying to help, and you overreacted. She's not used to the ruckus in the house.

Gee then maybe don’t expect baby to come to your tiny house. Maybe you travel to them so that parents of a small baby don’t have to drive multiple hours and pack. Sound good?

[Anonymous]

Op, if it was just for a few nights why didn’t you just let MIL step in a hold the baby for a bit. I’m sure that’s all she wanted? Surely you realized that right? I mean isn’t it conceivable that a grandma might want to hold their crying grand baby at night? In their home? And maybe let you get some rest. I mean just a thought.

[Anonymous]

I'd do nothing. There's nothing to do. We didn't stay with anyone until our baby was sleeping through the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.

Nope, not after several nights of telling her all was well and that they would handle it, AND telling them even before the visit that all would be well and they would handle it. Nope, continuing to bother people when they have a situation totally in hand is not helpful, it's just trying to get attention and "be important." Get your validation elsewhere, and leave parents of babies alone.

Why must you assume the worst of her? Are you that hateful and sad with your life that you assume others are as bad as you? OP, she likely just wants to be involved. Rather than tell her you got it, ask her if she'd like to hold the baby after you're done feeding? Or if she would mind changing the diaper while you go to the bathroom. Wanting to be involved doesn't mean she's trying to be important - it may mean she loves the baby.

NOPE, that just makes life harder for tired mom and dad! They have their routine, they've got it. Grandma can hold the baby during the day and can be helpful during the day. Parents have already said that they don't want "help" in the middle of the night. It was made clear several times. Anyone who wants to "help" parents of babies can start by listening to what the parents say will actually be helpful.

Mom and dad need to figure out a routine where they BOTH aren't getting up together in the middle of the night to tend to 1 baby.

…says who? If they’re all sleeping in a back bedroom it’s not like one would here baby cry. Mom quickly pees before settling down to BF makes total sense.

Says.... anyone who doesn't want to be exhausted? Both mom and dad are getting up to pee, at the same time, using a bathroom down the hall to to deal with 1 crying baby. No wonder they are exhausted. Maybe take turns? Don't change the baby every time? Pump and use a bottle? So many options that don't require 2 adults to do the job of 1 every night.

Yeah dad should just lay there in a guest bedroom while mom takes two minutes to pee, just leaving baby to cry without comfort in a strange environment. While the pack and play is inches away. Makes sense!

[Anonymous]

You are being ridiculous. Drama queen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd do nothing. There's nothing to do. We didn't stay with anyone until our baby was sleeping through the night.

+1

You're back home now. Enjoy your baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.

Nope, not after several nights of telling her all was well and that they would handle it, AND telling them even before the visit that all would be well and they would handle it. Nope, continuing to bother people when they have a situation totally in hand is not helpful, it's just trying to get attention and "be important." Get your validation elsewhere, and leave parents of babies alone.

Why must you assume the worst of her? Are you that hateful and sad with your life that you assume others are as bad as you? OP, she likely just wants to be involved. Rather than tell her you got it, ask her if she'd like to hold the baby after you're done feeding? Or if she would mind changing the diaper while you go to the bathroom. Wanting to be involved doesn't mean she's trying to be important - it may mean she loves the baby.

NOPE, that just makes life harder for tired mom and dad! They have their routine, they've got it. Grandma can hold the baby during the day and can be helpful during the day. Parents have already said that they don't want "help" in the middle of the night. It was made clear several times. Anyone who wants to "help" parents of babies can start by listening to what the parents say will actually be helpful.

Mom and dad need to figure out a routine where they BOTH aren't getting up together in the middle of the night to tend to 1 baby.

…says who? If they’re all sleeping in a back bedroom it’s not like one would here baby cry. Mom quickly pees before settling down to BF makes total sense.

Says.... anyone who doesn't want to be exhausted? Both mom and dad are getting up to pee, at the same time, using a bathroom down the hall to to deal with 1 crying baby. No wonder they are exhausted. Maybe take turns? Don't change the baby every time? Pump and use a bottle? So many options that don't require 2 adults to do the job of 1 every night.

Yeah dad should just lay there in a guest bedroom while mom takes two minutes to pee, just leaving baby to cry without comfort in a strange environment. While the pack and play is inches away. Makes sense!

How bad does mom have to pee? This isn't that hard. Dad isn't quieting the baby down he's just changing the diaper and the baby is still crying. He's pretty useless in the whole arrangement. Or he could not change the diaper and just sleep and be less tired. How is dad helping in any way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother always woke up and prowled around when we were similarly situated, but she WANTED TO, and never gave us grief for it. What exactly is yours pissed about? The wake-ups or that you seemed annoyed at her presence?

OP here. What bothers me is that we explained everything to her, even before the visit, and after the first night, that yes sorry about the noise, but we've got it under control. We also asked her to lower her voice the first, second and third nights, and she continued to speak very loudly, which of course will just keep the baby awake. What bothers me is she totally ignored us, night after night, even though we very specifically said please lower your voice and please let us do what we need to do, please go back to bed.

It's like she wanted attention, and wouldn't take "we don't need your help right now" for an answer. She also doesn't like that we are choosing to breastfeed, which may have something to do with it.

I have a niece almost the exact same age as my oldest who was bottle fed and my MIL loved giving her bottles and snuggling her. Meanwhile I’d be ducking out constantly to breastfeed for 30 minutes at a time early on and it definitely annoyed her. I think it’s fine to be annoyed and stay in a hotel but this is a short period of time and she may calm down later. Try to have boundaries but don’t assume your relationship is ruined.