Jealous of friends who can go on kid free vacations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I should say up front: I love my kids, I love my life, and I know I generally have it very good. I’m grateful for all my good fortune.

That said, one thing I do lack is any real family support with my kids. My own parents are in poor health and my husband’s family either doesn’t live nearby or can’t/won’t help with the kids for other reasons. Obviously, this is fine, they’re my kids and I’m responsible for them. I don’t expect anyone else to be. But man, I can’t help but think how nice it would be to have family who was able and interested in watching my kids sometimes..

I have a friend who has an abundance of family support. Her own parents and her husband’s parents are all nearby, retired but relatively healthy, and very happy to help out with her kids. Both sets of grandparents are divorced and remarried so there are four (4!) sets of capable, loving adult family members all clamoring to watch her kids. What a dream! She and her husband are going to Mexico by themselves for a week and I am truly jealous. I’ve always been pretty content so real jealously is not a feeling I have often, but man, an adults only tropical vacation is my wildest dream right now. ! don’t think I’ll get an extended break from my kids like that until they’re all old enough to go to sleep away camp, which seems so far away.

Just venting, no real point to this. I hope everyone with helpful grandparents knows how great they have it!

There is a point and it is that you are a self-centered Horse's patoot. Memories are made of vacations and holidays spent with your children.

Wow thanks this is super constructive. I didn’t realize how memories are made with my children but now that you mention it, I guess I’ll try spending some time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, now we get to why a lot of people are limiting how many children they have.

People expect you to be able to afford to have a nanny or just shut up.
OK.

Yup. We stopped at one for this reason. People expect your family to be able to be completely self-contained, even when they are very small and need so much. It's exhausting and as people who cannot and will not ever be able to afford to just pay people a full time salary to help, we had to stop. If we'd had our first when we were younger, we could have had a second with a big age gap (6 years), but we couldn't afford to have kids before our mid-30s to begin with.

Many people are fully in the "only rich people deserve children" camp at this point, and that's not going to work out well for society in the long run. But people are short sighted.

+1 million

We are so broken we don’t even know how broken we are.

[Anonymous]

We have always had so much support on both sides. My parents, my in-laws, my sisters and brothers,.... Any of them would have been happy to take our kids so that we could take a vacation. Still, we never took a vacation without our children. To me, vacation time was so special. We always wanted the kids with us. They are all adults now. It seems like the time went by so fast. We have nothing but time now. And more money than we did when our kids were younger. I'm enjoying traveling with just my DH. But, I miss our family vacations so much.

Your kids will grow up faster than you can imagine. I'm sorry you don't have more family support. I understand why you might want to vacation without your kids. Maybe you'll find a way. If not, just remember, your time will come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I am not even sure I’d want to travel without my DC because I think I’d miss them too much. But I do sometimes envy my friends with younger, more healthy parents because of the way they are able to be involved in their kids lives. Including, yes, overnights at grandmas and that kind of thing. I would appreciate the free childcare of course— who wouldn’t? But the bigger thing is the idea of having more people invested in and involved in my child’s life. Especially since we are unable to have another. When I see grandparents doting on, playing with, or just showing real knowledge of their grandkids, it is heartwarming and also gives me a pang. I know my child would love that but it’s just not part of the family we have. It makes me sad.

OP here. I think you hit on an important part of it that I didn’t really articulate. The free childcare would be lovely but I think it’s the idea of having so many loving, capable family members around that are invested in and can be a real part of my children’s lives. We love my parents but because of their health we usually see them for short visits, and always with me or my husband there. My kids will never have the time and space to build a truly deep bond with them, I fear. Looking at my friend with the eight actively involved grandparents makes me so wish my kids had that.

And yeah, the kid free vacations sound nice too. But reading suggestions here from others about leaving the kids with nanny or a close friend made me realize I wouldn’t even want to do that. It’s something specific about that special time with grandparents. I would so love to be able to go on vacation and know my kids are having a genuinely enriching visit with their grandparents, rather than just having passable childcare.

I feel this too! I have a wonderful relationship with my dad and I always dreamed of seeing him having the kind of bond with my kids I had with his mother, who lived down the street from us when I was a teen. But just after my first was born he got a serious cancer diagnosis and while he loves the kids, he’s obviously not really able to handle much time with babies. I’m very lucky my mother is still healthy and loves being involved with our lives when she can, though!

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one that IF a random Aunt / Uncle of ours offered to care for my kids I would worry about child molestation? Grandparents, siblings with kids not so much but more distant relatives? I'd be worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup. We have this and its really nice. But on the flip side we always need to check with grandparents before making weekend plans etc. all bdays and holidays etc are always with them etc. and hard to do anything as a small family unit. So expectations are different for other things too.

Omg stop. The inconvenience of having to coordinate your schedule with more people—who WANT to be involved with your kids—in no way compares to the pain of not having grandparents around at all because they’re dead or very ill or otherwise out of the picture. Yes, we all understand that having lots of supportive family around can come with its own challenges but that is totally different. Read the room.

OP thanks for sharing this. I too have a hard time with the fact that my kids missed out on their grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same.

I saw my SIL for thanksgiving and spontaneiously burst in to tears when she was talking about a trip to napa valley with her girl friends and then a trip to seattle with her DH a few weeks later.

I am typically not emotional or a crier and was really taken aback by my own response as weird as that sounds.

I have not had more than 90 mins away from my kids (and this has been maybe 4 times to grocery shop, I typically order otherwise) in almost 2 years. I tried to get my haircut in March and got called home before it was my turn in the chair.

You sound like my friend who complains about not having gotten a haircut since DC #1 was born.

It’s because she doesn’t trust her DH to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I am not even sure I’d want to travel without my DC because I think I’d miss them too much. But I do sometimes envy my friends with younger, more healthy parents because of the way they are able to be involved in their kids lives. Including, yes, overnights at grandmas and that kind of thing. I would appreciate the free childcare of course— who wouldn’t? But the bigger thing is the idea of having more people invested in and involved in my child’s life. Especially since we are unable to have another. When I see grandparents doting on, playing with, or just showing real knowledge of their grandkids, it is heartwarming and also gives me a pang. I know my child would love that but it’s just not part of the family we have. It makes me sad.

OP here. I think you hit on an important part of it that I didn’t really articulate. The free childcare would be lovely but I think it’s the idea of having so many loving, capable family members around that are invested in and can be a real part of my children’s lives. We love my parents but because of their health we usually see them for short visits, and always with me or my husband there. My kids will never have the time and space to build a truly deep bond with them, I fear. Looking at my friend with the eight actively involved grandparents makes me so wish my kids had that.

And yeah, the kid free vacations sound nice too. But reading suggestions here from others about leaving the kids with nanny or a close friend made me realize I wouldn’t even want to do that. It’s something specific about that special time with grandparents. I would so love to be able to go on vacation and know my kids are having a genuinely enriching visit with their grandparents, rather than just having passable childcare.

Be grateful your parents still want to see your kids. What some of us are saying is our parents have zero interest in our kids. My mom lives 5 minutes away and we didn't see her yesterday and she never would consider inviting us or seeing what we were doing for Thanksgiving. I'm lucky if she calls on the kids birthdays. Usually its a week or two late, if at all.

I'd take loving parents who cannot babysit over parents like mine who have no interest but could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I am not even sure I’d want to travel without my DC because I think I’d miss them too much. But I do sometimes envy my friends with younger, more healthy parents because of the way they are able to be involved in their kids lives. Including, yes, overnights at grandmas and that kind of thing. I would appreciate the free childcare of course— who wouldn’t? But the bigger thing is the idea of having more people invested in and involved in my child’s life. Especially since we are unable to have another. When I see grandparents doting on, playing with, or just showing real knowledge of their grandkids, it is heartwarming and also gives me a pang. I know my child would love that but it’s just not part of the family we have. It makes me sad.

OP here. I think you hit on an important part of it that I didn’t really articulate. The free childcare would be lovely but I think it’s the idea of having so many loving, capable family members around that are invested in and can be a real part of my children’s lives. We love my parents but because of their health we usually see them for short visits, and always with me or my husband there. My kids will never have the time and space to build a truly deep bond with them, I fear. Looking at my friend with the eight actively involved grandparents makes me so wish my kids had that.

And yeah, the kid free vacations sound nice too. But reading suggestions here from others about leaving the kids with nanny or a close friend made me realize I wouldn’t even want to do that. It’s something specific about that special time with grandparents. I would so love to be able to go on vacation and know my kids are having a genuinely enriching visit with their grandparents, rather than just having passable childcare.

Be grateful your parents still want to see your kids. What some of us are saying is our parents have zero interest in our kids. My mom lives 5 minutes away and we didn't see her yesterday and she never would consider inviting us or seeing what we were doing for Thanksgiving. I'm lucky if she calls on the kids birthdays. Usually its a week or two late, if at all.

I'd take loving parents who cannot babysit over parents like mine who have no interest but could.

NP that is odd. What’s her deal? What or who is she spending her time on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same.

I saw my SIL for thanksgiving and spontaneiously burst in to tears when she was talking about a trip to napa valley with her girl friends and then a trip to seattle with her DH a few weeks later.

I am typically not emotional or a crier and was really taken aback by my own response as weird as that sounds.

I have not had more than 90 mins away from my kids (and this has been maybe 4 times to grocery shop, I typically order otherwise) in almost 2 years. I tried to get my haircut in March and got called home before it was my turn in the chair.

Who called you and for what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should say up front: I love my kids, I love my life, and I know I generally have it very good. I’m grateful for all my good fortune.

That said, one thing I do lack is any real family support with my kids. My own parents are in poor health and my husband’s family either doesn’t live nearby or can’t/won’t help with the kids for other reasons. Obviously, this is fine, they’re my kids and I’m responsible for them. I don’t expect anyone else to be. But man, I can’t help but think how nice it would be to have family who was able and interested in watching my kids sometimes..

I have a friend who has an abundance of family support. Her own parents and her husband’s parents are all nearby, retired but relatively healthy, and very happy to help out with her kids. Both sets of grandparents are divorced and remarried so there are four (4!) sets of capable, loving adult family members all clamoring to watch her kids. What a dream! She and her husband are going to Mexico by themselves for a week and I am truly jealous. I’ve always been pretty content so real jealously is not a feeling I have often, but man, an adults only tropical vacation is my wildest dream right now. ! don’t think I’ll get an extended break from my kids like that until they’re all old enough to go to sleep away camp, which seems so far away.

Just venting, no real point to this. I hope everyone with helpful grandparents knows how great they have it!

Find another set of parents with same age kids who are in the same position. Arrange to do day trips the first month, and by month three, you might be comfortable enough to do a Friday or Saturday overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same.

I saw my SIL for thanksgiving and spontaneiously burst in to tears when she was talking about a trip to napa valley with her girl friends and then a trip to seattle with her DH a few weeks later.

I am typically not emotional or a crier and was really taken aback by my own response as weird as that sounds.

I have not had more than 90 mins away from my kids (and this has been maybe 4 times to grocery shop, I typically order otherwise) in almost 2 years. I tried to get my haircut in March and got called home before it was my turn in the chair.

Who called you and for what?

Yeah if this PP has a husband this is absolutely unacceptable. If you're on duty, you take care of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same.

I saw my SIL for thanksgiving and spontaneiously burst in to tears when she was talking about a trip to napa valley with her girl friends and then a trip to seattle with her DH a few weeks later.

I am typically not emotional or a crier and was really taken aback by my own response as weird as that sounds.

I have not had more than 90 mins away from my kids (and this has been maybe 4 times to grocery shop, I typically order otherwise) in almost 2 years. I tried to get my haircut in March and got called home before it was my turn in the chair.

You sound like my friend who complains about not having gotten a haircut since DC #1 was born.

It’s because she doesn’t trust her DH to do anything.

Yeah this is ridiculous. Your husband can't be trusted to watch the kid long enough for you to even get a haircut? I mean honestly this is your own fault here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I am not even sure I’d want to travel without my DC because I think I’d miss them too much. But I do sometimes envy my friends with younger, more healthy parents because of the way they are able to be involved in their kids lives. Including, yes, overnights at grandmas and that kind of thing. I would appreciate the free childcare of course— who wouldn’t? But the bigger thing is the idea of having more people invested in and involved in my child’s life. Especially since we are unable to have another. When I see grandparents doting on, playing with, or just showing real knowledge of their grandkids, it is heartwarming and also gives me a pang. I know my child would love that but it’s just not part of the family we have. It makes me sad.

OP here. I think you hit on an important part of it that I didn’t really articulate. The free childcare would be lovely but I think it’s the idea of having so many loving, capable family members around that are invested in and can be a real part of my children’s lives. We love my parents but because of their health we usually see them for short visits, and always with me or my husband there. My kids will never have the time and space to build a truly deep bond with them, I fear. Looking at my friend with the eight actively involved grandparents makes me so wish my kids had that.

And yeah, the kid free vacations sound nice too. But reading suggestions here from others about leaving the kids with nanny or a close friend made me realize I wouldn’t even want to do that. It’s something specific about that special time with grandparents. I would so love to be able to go on vacation and know my kids are having a genuinely enriching visit with their grandparents, rather than just having passable childcare.

This. I grew up having regular time with grandparents. But both my parents and my husband's parents died shortly after we got married, so that's not an experience my kids will have. When I see their friends' grandparents come to school events and games, it stings.

Apparently that's on me for having kids, though. Life choices and all.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same, OP. I have a lot of friends with grandparents who are thrilled to take the kids while mom and dad do a long weekend in Miami or whatever. Because of what I will freely admit are my CHOICES, I do not have this option. Both sets of parents are distant geographically and mine have health challenges that make it impossible for them for travel to us for any extended period of time. My kids are in daycare/aftercare and we don't have a nanny.

When we just had one DS, my sister came and stayed with him for a weekend so we could travel to a wedding. She was in law school at the time, so was very flexible, and my son was at a pretty easy stage where he slept through the night and napped great and was overall fairly easy to take care of. I don't see that happening again though, as she is a busy lawyer now and it's a much bigger ask with two boys (4 and 1).

Like you, I love my kids and my life (and my parents!) and would not trade any of those. But it would be amazing to be able to get away for a long weekend for our anniversary, for example. The people flaming you are ridiculous.