Jealous of friends who can go on kid free vacations

[Anonymous]

My neighbor doesn’t have local family or family capable of handling car seats / preschool / school drop off and pick-up. She has a trusted babysitter who works a 9-5, but was able to handle the morning routine and pick-ups.

I don’t know what they paid her, but they went away for 4-5 days recently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I am not even sure I’d want to travel without my DC because I think I’d miss them too much. But I do sometimes envy my friends with younger, more healthy parents because of the way they are able to be involved in their kids lives. Including, yes, overnights at grandmas and that kind of thing. I would appreciate the free childcare of course— who wouldn’t? But the bigger thing is the idea of having more people invested in and involved in my child’s life. Especially since we are unable to have another. When I see grandparents doting on, playing with, or just showing real knowledge of their grandkids, it is heartwarming and also gives me a pang. I know my child would love that but it’s just not part of the family we have. It makes me sad.

OP here. I think you hit on an important part of it that I didn’t really articulate. The free childcare would be lovely but I think it’s the idea of having so many loving, capable family members around that are invested in and can be a real part of my children’s lives. We love my parents but because of their health we usually see them for short visits, and always with me or my husband there. My kids will never have the time and space to build a truly deep bond with them, I fear. Looking at my friend with the eight actively involved grandparents makes me so wish my kids had that.

And yeah, the kid free vacations sound nice too. But reading suggestions here from others about leaving the kids with nanny or a close friend made me realize I wouldn’t even want to do that. It’s something specific about that special time with grandparents. I would so love to be able to go on vacation and know my kids are having a genuinely enriching visit with their grandparents, rather than just having passable childcare.

This. I grew up having regular time with grandparents. But both my parents and my husband's parents died shortly after we got married, so that's not an experience my kids will have. When I see their friends' grandparents come to school events and games, it stings.

Apparently that's on me for having kids, though. Life choices and all.

"Having time with grandparents" isn't what this thread is about. It's about having someone to watch your kids while you go on a kid free vacation. The ability to do that definitely comes down to life choices. No one is saying it's OP's fault her parents can't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor doesn’t have local family or family capable of handling car seats / preschool / school drop off and pick-up. She has a trusted babysitter who works a 9-5, but was able to handle the morning routine and pick-ups.

I don’t know what they paid her, but they went away for 4-5 days recently.

I just remembered another woman I know. She is very active in her church and she said when her now teens were little, they had kid swaps with a few other families in their Bible study group. She shared this as marriage advice - to get away without your kids for a few nights a year.

[Anonymous]

my parents left us with the maid at our house.

you could also possibly trade with a friend. you watch her kids for a vacation, and she watches yours. it better be someone that the kids all get along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend takes my kids for the weekend when we need to go away and I take her kids when she goes away. I have no family or nanny. You make your own village, OP.

This!

[Anonymous]

While my parents do give us a childfree week every year where they babysit our kids, you also could try a resort with childcare. We've been to quite a few all inclusive resorts with our kids or cruises with great kid camps. Kids BEG to go spend the day at the camps, while DH and I go lay in the sun. I've also heard that sleep away camp is great when they're 10+. Lots of parents go on vacation during sleep away camp.

[Anonymous]

memories are made on vacations may be true, but i bet more memories are made in the mundane everyday living life.

memories may somewhat be made on vacation, but not really when the kids are very little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personal life choices.

How is having family able and willing to care for kids for an extended period of time a choice?

OP, according to this poster, you can choose to have family like this. Just do that!

[Anonymous]

Same boat OP. My mother is wonderful and very involved but she isn't able to take care of three young children by herself for more than an hour or so, and I get that. Every once in a while she will take on of the kids alone for a sleepover at her place, and they really enjoy that but its certainly not the same as a vacation with just my husband. I used to think people who brought help on vacation were odd, but I have changed my tune. Our youngest will be a young toddler in summer 2022, and I am thinking of asking our sitter if she'd like to come with us to the beach. It will probably cost an extra $1K but I am thinking it might be well worth it so that we can do older kid stuff with the big kids, have a few adult dinners, have someone stay with the baby while he naps, etc.

[Anonymous]

Find your village! Get your maid/nanny/friend/neighbor to do if! If you don’t you are a martyr/stupid! Anyone CAN go on child free vacations, you are just CHOOSING not to. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps, fellow parents! This is AMERICA and we are the LEAST child friendly nation on the planet, but if you can’t figure out how to get your ass to Cabo for a week to drink watered down rail drinks with DH during a pandemic and abandon Larla and Fauntleroy to some random neighbor YOU are the PROBLEM!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find your village! Get your maid/nanny/friend/neighbor to do if! If you don’t you are a martyr/stupid! Anyone CAN go on child free vacations, you are just CHOOSING not to. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps, fellow parents! This is AMERICA and we are the LEAST child friendly nation on the planet, but if you can’t figure out how to get your ass to Cabo for a week to drink watered down rail drinks with DH during a pandemic and abandon Larla and Fauntleroy to some random neighbor YOU are the PROBLEM!!

Actually yes, this but not facetiously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find your village! Get your maid/nanny/friend/neighbor to do if! If you don’t you are a martyr/stupid! Anyone CAN go on child free vacations, you are just CHOOSING not to. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps, fellow parents! This is AMERICA and we are the LEAST child friendly nation on the planet, but if you can’t figure out how to get your ass to Cabo for a week to drink watered down rail drinks with DH during a pandemic and abandon Larla and Fauntleroy to some random neighbor YOU are the PROBLEM!!

Actually yes, this but not facetiously.

Seriously? FFS, that’s pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find your village! Get your maid/nanny/friend/neighbor to do if! If you don’t you are a martyr/stupid! Anyone CAN go on child free vacations, you are just CHOOSING not to. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps, fellow parents! This is AMERICA and we are the LEAST child friendly nation on the planet, but if you can’t figure out how to get your ass to Cabo for a week to drink watered down rail drinks with DH during a pandemic and abandon Larla and Fauntleroy to some random neighbor YOU are the PROBLEM!!

Actually yes, this but not facetiously.

Seriously? FFS, that’s pathetic.

Look if you can't find a way to go on a long weekend trip to Virginia Beach once in your marriage, yes you are a martyr. Don't want to go? Fine! But don't complain that you CAN'T because that's a load of BS.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have this either and a lot of my friends do so I totally get you. Find a friend in the same boat and trade! If I knew ya, I would! 😂

[Anonymous]

This is a side effect of a couple shifts in society: 1) people have kids much older so that by the time their kids have kids they are too old to help and 2) families being spread to the wind geographically so little family support lives close enough to help.

It’s tough to not have family support, not even just for the big trips like OP talks about, but just for little things, like if a kid is sick and can’t go to school, you can call up a grandparent to help, etc.

I’m fortunate enough to have one set of grandparents and aunts living in our area who love doing sleepovers with our girls so we occasionally get to do weekend getaways alone and lots of date nights with free babysitting. This was a choice we made however to move back home specifically to be near family for this support. We also had kids ‘young’ (relative to dcum) at 29 so when our kids have kids we won’t be too old to provide the same support to our kids and grandkids.