Jealous of friends who can go on kid free vacations

[Anonymous]

I should say up front: I love my kids, I love my life, and I know I generally have it very good. I’m grateful for all my good fortune.

That said, one thing I do lack is any real family support with my kids. My own parents are in poor health and my husband’s family either doesn’t live nearby or can’t/won’t help with the kids for other reasons. Obviously, this is fine, they’re my kids and I’m responsible for them. I don’t expect anyone else to be. But man, I can’t help but think how nice it would be to have family who was able and interested in watching my kids sometimes..

I have a friend who has an abundance of family support. Her own parents and her husband’s parents are all nearby, retired but relatively healthy, and very happy to help out with her kids. Both sets of grandparents are divorced and remarried so there are four (4!) sets of capable, loving adult family members all clamoring to watch her kids. What a dream! She and her husband are going to Mexico by themselves for a week and I am truly jealous. I’ve always been pretty content so real jealously is not a feeling I have often, but man, an adults only tropical vacation is my wildest dream right now. ! don’t think I’ll get an extended break from my kids like that until they’re all old enough to go to sleep away camp, which seems so far away.

Just venting, no real point to this. I hope everyone with helpful grandparents knows how great they have it!

[Anonymous]

We don’t have family support but we do have a nanny who we bring with us on vacations. Best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t have family support but we do have a nanny who we bring with us on vacations. Best of both worlds.

OP here - oh yeah, I forgot you can also hire help for this! We’re not in a position to do that but that also sounds great. I guess the free support sounds best to me because it’s free, ha!

[Anonymous]

The few times we have gone away alone we had both the nanny and grandparents.

It is hard to go away alone but I enjoy adult only vacations.

I recently went away with some fellow tired moms for 3 nights on the beach. It was short but wonderful. You could go away alone or with friends. It doesn’t have to be with your husband at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Personal life choices.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny stays with the kids.

[Anonymous]

My best friend takes my kids for the weekend when we need to go away and I take her kids when she goes away. I have no family or nanny. You make your own village, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend takes my kids for the weekend when we need to go away and I take her kids when she goes away. I have no family or nanny. You make your own village, OP.

Exactly. This is what my parents did with 4 young kids when they moved to California and knew no one. All of our family was in NY. We did weekends at various friends’ houses when the went away.

As a parent here in DC, I’ve done the same. Our kids stayed with friends when we went to Puerto Rico and other trips. We split them up. We’ve watched our friends’ kids when they have gone out town.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I am not even sure I’d want to travel without my DC because I think I’d miss them too much. But I do sometimes envy my friends with younger, more healthy parents because of the way they are able to be involved in their kids lives. Including, yes, overnights at grandmas and that kind of thing. I would appreciate the free childcare of course— who wouldn’t? But the bigger thing is the idea of having more people invested in and involved in my child’s life. Especially since we are unable to have another. When I see grandparents doting on, playing with, or just showing real knowledge of their grandkids, it is heartwarming and also gives me a pang. I know my child would love that but it’s just not part of the family we have. It makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

In theory there are plenty of resorts with kids clubs. With COVID it's too risky for me, but definitely an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personal life choices.

You think OP CHOSE to have her parents in poor health?

[Anonymous]

I feel this way too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yup. We have this and its really nice. But on the flip side we always need to check with grandparents before making weekend plans etc. all bdays and holidays etc are always with them etc. and hard to do anything as a small family unit. So expectations are different for other things too.

[Anonymous]

Take turns going on trips. You can take them together again when the kids are older, but everyone needs a few days away now and again. The parent who stays can hire extra help.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. Our kids are older now. I had to watch MIL bragging about keeping her daughters (plural) kids for one - two weeks while the daughters went on overseas anniversary trips, or whatever. MIL would never do it for us. It was pretty crappy.

It is what it is. We enjoyed our vacations with the kids, and would have just missed them and talked about them, anyway. MIL had help and should have been grateful, but she is kind of bitter, and I refuse to be that way. So, I will hopefully get to help my children when they have families. I consider it a privilege, and they won't be expected to kiss my feet about anything (unlike MIL, who thinks the world owes her something - for what, I have no idea).