Feeling sad that my in laws are so indifferent about my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's parents are the same way, if not worse. The first thing they said to me when I announced I was pregnant with our first was "Don't ever ask us to babysit!" That's fine -I never expected childcare from them - but it really describes their whole attitude towards our kids, and even DH and I.

Even though we all live in the DMV we only see them a handful of times a year, for an hour or two at most, typically at a restaurant. They always make throw away comments that they'd love to come to one of the kids' games or performances, but have never once followed through. They spend the winters at their place in Florida and always say that we should fly down for a long weekend sometime, but when it gets to making actual plans, they always make an excuse so we've never been.

Every time we see them the first thing they ask is how old the kids are, when are their birthdays and what grades they are in. They are completely mentally competent but just don't give a damn, don't listen or interact and it's hurtful to the kids. Our oldest is 12 and can finally understand a bit more about who they really are, but it's tough on the younger one. Sure I'm disappointed, but it is what it is.

This is our situation too, exactly. But, with the FL situation its only a two bedroom so their proposal is for our kids to sleep in the living room (when they'd go to bed earlier) and we go in the tiny den with pull out couch. We could see them here so flying out, renting a car, and hotel plus other expenses makes no sense when they can see the kids here and never do. My 12 year old really wants nothing to do with them anymore given no gifts, just a few phone calls a year and at best the few visits a year at a restaurant (which has only happened once since covid was we are being more cautious than they are).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the in-laws are concerned about overstepping boundaries. They want to be extra cautious and make sure they don't annoy your family. So they don't initiate because they see you as the initiator? And maybe the move is related to something else, not you. I wouldn't take it personally. They probably appreciate all of your efforts.

Agree. They moved somewhere where they WANTED to live. Imagine that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the in-laws are concerned about overstepping boundaries. They want to be extra cautious and make sure they don't annoy your family. So they don't initiate because they see you as the initiator? And maybe the move is related to something else, not you. I wouldn't take it personally. They probably appreciate all of your efforts.

Agree. They moved somewhere where they WANTED to live. Imagine that.

My kids know that when we retire we plan to move to a different place assuming we’re still in good health. It doesn’t mean we’ll suddenly stop loving or caring about them. Parents are entitled to their own lives too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the in-laws are concerned about overstepping boundaries. They want to be extra cautious and make sure they don't annoy your family. So they don't initiate because they see you as the initiator? And maybe the move is related to something else, not you. I wouldn't take it personally. They probably appreciate all of your efforts.

Agree. They moved somewhere where they WANTED to live. Imagine that.

My kids know that when we retire we plan to move to a different place assuming we’re still in good health. It doesn’t mean we’ll suddenly stop loving or caring about them. Parents are entitled to their own lives too.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Some families are like that. I live in US ( came to US from Europe) over 20 years ago; I have one child. My parents who live in Europe never called me. I actually haven't seen them for 10 years in person. We never were close together with my parents. I don't really dwell on it too much. Like I said, some families are so close with each other and some just not.

[Anonymous]

Typical DCUM. I get it, OP. I never had that relationship with my grandparents, nor do my children, but it would have been fantastic if it had worked out that way. I totally understand why you are sad about it, and I don’t see this as you feeling entitled to anything from your inlaws. Maybe one day you’ll have the opportunity to be the sort of grandparent you wish your kids had.

[Anonymous]

My stepMIL was completely into my kids when they were little- she used to FaceTime them at least once a week.. Now that they are tweens she doesn't care about them at all. She didn't even speak to them when they were at a family funeral. It's really weird. She has ISSUES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you know that your husband's family has a different attitude and traditions for how grandparents interact with grandchildren, and you've decided to take it personally that they don't have the one you had? Nothing about what you wrote tells me that your in-laws are "indifferent" to your kids, only that they don't want or have the kind of interaction you want. And you are making it into a personal rejection, even though it's probably just how they are and how they were raised. Stop comparing them to other people, and figure out how to work with what you've got.

This. I also couldn't help but wonder if they are moving away to get some breathing room from OP

Troll

NP…Why troll? Just because you don’t agree with them? It was a good observation.

Snarky unnecessary passive aggressive comment smells like a troll

Also one of the trolls who regularly posts unnecessary mean sh*t often starts with “This”

100% … have noticed that as well.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I’m similarly sad. I had a really great relationship with my grandma that was special and continued until she died when I was in my 30s. I still miss her. It makes me sad that my in-laws, esp MIL, has no real interest in my kids. They exist to entertain her. Not the other way around. They are teens now and totally done with her. Super stinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you know that your husband's family has a different attitude and traditions for how grandparents interact with grandchildren, and you've decided to take it personally that they don't have the one you had? Nothing about what you wrote tells me that your in-laws are "indifferent" to your kids, only that they don't want or have the kind of interaction you want. And you are making it into a personal rejection, even though it's probably just how they are and how they were raised. Stop comparing them to other people, and figure out how to work with what you've got.

This. I also couldn't help but wonder if they are moving away to get some breathing room from OP

Troll

NP…Why troll? Just because you don’t agree with them? It was a good observation.

Snarky unnecessary passive aggressive comment smells like a troll

Also one of the trolls who regularly posts unnecessary mean sh*t often starts with “This”

Disagree. This!..I have seen is used as a response to 100s of threads. I think the pp has just struck a nerve.

This. All of it. 😬

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you comparing your in-laws to your grandparents and you don’t mention what your parents are currently doing for your kids? Are your parents currently modeling the same relationship you had with your grandparents?

I had the same question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you comparing your in-laws to your grandparents and you don’t mention what your parents are currently doing for your kids? Are your parents currently modeling the same relationship you had with your grandparents?

I had the same question.

Answered on page 2. Basically gives her parents a pass, but her husband’s parents are somehow the worst. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you know that your husband's family has a different attitude and traditions for how grandparents interact with grandchildren, and you've decided to take it personally that they don't have the one you had? Nothing about what you wrote tells me that your in-laws are "indifferent" to your kids, only that they don't want or have the kind of interaction you want. And you are making it into a personal rejection, even though it's probably just how they are and how they were raised. Stop comparing them to other people, and figure out how to work with what you've got.

This. I also couldn't help but wonder if they are moving away to get some breathing room from OP

Troll

NP…Why troll? Just because you don’t agree with them? It was a good observation.

Snarky unnecessary passive aggressive comment smells like a troll

Not this. You sound like one of the trolls who starts with this and usually includes boring judgy Gotcha game barbs. It creates

Also one of the trolls who regularly posts unnecessary mean sh*t often starts with “This”

Disagree. This!..I have seen is used as a response to 100s of threads. I think the pp has just struck a nerve.

This. All of it. 😬

b]Not this[/b]. You sound like one of the trolls who starts with this and usually includes boring judgy Gotcha game barbs. It creates a hostile environment and details threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I’m similarly sad. I had a really great relationship with my grandma that was special and continued until she died when I was in my 30s. I still miss her. It makes me sad that my in-laws, esp MIL, has no real interest in my kids. They exist to entertain her. Not the other way around. They are teens now and totally done with her. Super stinks.

Sorry. This a good example of why older generation needs to put effort into their grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both of those sound like extremes to me - I would be really annoyed if my in-laws or parents wanted to have the relationship with my children that you had with your grandparents. That sounds incredibly smothering.

Who would not want their kids to be loved like that. How possessive and immature.

MIL booster troll