Feeling sad that my in laws are so indifferent about my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Seriously. They are your kids. You decided to have them. Grandparents are not obligated to be built in babysitters. They don’t have to keep living near you. You don’t own them just because they raised your husband.

LOL, what a weirdo. ^^

You are a troll or you are bringing so much baggage to this that it's obliterated your reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Seriously. They are your kids. You decided to have them. Grandparents are not obligated to be built in babysitters. They don’t have to keep living near you. You don’t own them just because they raised your husband.

You're really a miserable shrew. Bet your ILs don't like you, and vice versa. Bet your DH doesn't either.


--NP

[Anonymous]

So you know that your husband's family has a different attitude and traditions for how grandparents interact with grandchildren, and you've decided to take it personally that they don't have the one you had? Nothing about what you wrote tells me that your in-laws are "indifferent" to your kids, only that they don't want or have the kind of interaction you want. And you are making it into a personal rejection, even though it's probably just how they are and how they were raised. Stop comparing them to other people, and figure out how to work with what you've got.

[Anonymous]

OP, DH's family is like that. Aloof but nice. I come from a very close-knit family and my parents are very involved and hands-on grandparents.

There is nothing to be done. I am as close to my ILs as they will allow me to be. As they have become elderly, they have become attached to me. I also let my DH go to them often alone. They like having him around. They are proud of my kids but they don't know how to be very close to them. However, it is all good. We try and do everything equal to both sets of grandparents and it works out good in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you know that your husband's family has a different attitude and traditions for how grandparents interact with grandchildren, and you've decided to take it personally that they don't have the one you had? Nothing about what you wrote tells me that your in-laws are "indifferent" to your kids, only that they don't want or have the kind of interaction you want. And you are making it into a personal rejection, even though it's probably just how they are and how they were raised. Stop comparing them to other people, and figure out how to work with what you've got.

This. I also couldn't help but wonder if they are moving away to get some breathing room from OP

[Anonymous]

+1 on I see you mentioning your grandparents, but not your parents, OP.

What’s their role? Then I’ll comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Seriously. They are your kids. You decided to have them. Grandparents are not obligated to be built in babysitters. They don’t have to keep living near you. You don’t own them just because they raised your husband.

Ignore this poster op. Typical miserable internet dwelling dysfunctional keyboard warrior response. Hope you feel better about yourself soon pp.

I get it. I don't know if a lot of people had the great experience you did with your grandparents - I wish we all could. Your grandparents are wonderful and I'm glad to know they are still around making the world a better place. You feelings are valid. It is sad when your family are disinterested in your lives. Your ils sound kind of awful. It has to hurt that they ignore the love you are sending especially if it comes from your kids. I'm sorry your family is dealing with this but as everyone has said, you can't change them. Your kids get the gift of love your grandparents gave you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1 on I see you mentioning your grandparents, but not your parents, OP.

What’s their role? Then I’ll comment.

OP here. My parents are divorced. My Mom still works full time and has an hour commute on either end so we don't see her much on weekdays. On weekends, it's her shift to take care of my grandparents. I try to help with this as much as possible and bring my kids there. She is involved with my kids as she can be (much moreso than my in laws even with her work and family responsibilities).

My Dad tried to commit suicide when I was 18 and our relationship never recovered fully. I tend to keep him at arms length. He does enjoy being a grandpa but his love language is gifts definitely not quality time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 on I see you mentioning your grandparents, but not your parents, OP.

What’s their role? Then I’ll comment.

OP here. My parents are divorced. My Mom still works full time and has an hour commute on either end so we don't see her much on weekdays. On weekends, it's her shift to take care of my grandparents. I try to help with this as much as possible and bring my kids there. She is involved with my kids as she can be (much moreso than my in laws even with her work and family responsibilities).

My Dad tried to commit suicide when I was 18 and our relationship never recovered fully. I tend to keep him at arms length. He does enjoy being a grandpa but his love language is gifts definitely not quality time.

So you can see that your dad has a “love language” that’s not quality time, yet you expect your ILs to have this as their love language. Sounds like you’re holding your ILs to some standard that they’ll never be able to meet.

Maybe stop wallowing in being “sad” and simply appreciate what they do offer.

[Anonymous]

My parents are like that too. We live close by and they have never babysat, rarely call, rarely see us and then somehow blame us. When I stopped caring it was freeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 on I see you mentioning your grandparents, but not your parents, OP.

What’s their role? Then I’ll comment.

OP here. My parents are divorced. My Mom still works full time and has an hour commute on either end so we don't see her much on weekdays. On weekends, it's her shift to take care of my grandparents. I try to help with this as much as possible and bring my kids there. She is involved with my kids as she can be (much moreso than my in laws even with her work and family responsibilities).

My Dad tried to commit suicide when I was 18 and our relationship never recovered fully. I tend to keep him at arms length. He does enjoy being a grandpa but his love language is gifts definitely not quality time.

It sounds like she's exhausted. Its a bit different if she were retired, like mine. But, if she's working full time and an hour commute, that's not reasonable to expect her at night. And, if she's caring for her parents on the weekend, that's a lot of work. At least she's trying.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a family with two sets of grandparents. One set lived 45 minutes away and came to all my recitals, stayed with us when our parents traveled, I stayed with them for every three-day weekend, called my grandma when I first started staying home alone and I'd get scared, and all around felt very close with them. The other set of grandparents lived 3.5 hours away via plane and I was 11 before ever going to visit them, they visited once a year for three hours for a dinner, and sent a perfunctory birthday card once a year.

I was perfectly fine with it. It didn't bother me AL ALL. Same with my older brother. He didn't care either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Seriously. They are your kids. You decided to have them. Grandparents are not obligated to be built in babysitters. They don’t have to keep living near you. You don’t own them just because they raised your husband.

Ignore this poster op. Typical miserable internet dwelling dysfunctional keyboard warrior response. Hope you feel better about yourself soon pp.

I get it. I don't know if a lot of people had the great experience you did with your grandparents - I wish we all could. Your grandparents are wonderful and I'm glad to know they are still around making the world a better place. You feelings are valid. It is sad when your family are disinterested in your lives. Your ils sound kind of awful. It has to hurt that they ignore the love you are sending especially if it comes from your kids. I'm sorry your family is dealing with this but as everyone has said, you can't change them. Your kids get the gift of love your grandparents gave you.

I don’t think ops in-laws sound bad. They just seem to have their own lives and interests that they can now pursue since they are probably retired. Life is a finite amount of time for everyone. Her in-laws sound healthy and not enmeshed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you know that your husband's family has a different attitude and traditions for how grandparents interact with grandchildren, and you've decided to take it personally that they don't have the one you had? Nothing about what you wrote tells me that your in-laws are "indifferent" to your kids, only that they don't want or have the kind of interaction you want. And you are making it into a personal rejection, even though it's probably just how they are and how they were raised. Stop comparing them to other people, and figure out how to work with what you've got.

This. Actually in-laws sound normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 on I see you mentioning your grandparents, but not your parents, OP.

What’s their role? Then I’ll comment.

OP here. My parents are divorced. My Mom still works full time and has an hour commute on either end so we don't see her much on weekdays. On weekends, it's her shift to take care of my grandparents. I try to help with this as much as possible and bring my kids there. She is involved with my kids as she can be (much moreso than my in laws even with her work and family responsibilities).

My Dad tried to commit suicide when I was 18 and our relationship never recovered fully. I tend to keep him at arms length. He does enjoy being a grandpa but his love language is gifts definitely not quality time.

It sounds like she's exhausted. Its a bit different if she were retired, like mine. But, if she's working full time and an hour commute, that's not reasonable to expect her at night. And, if she's caring for her parents on the weekend, that's a lot of work. At least she's trying.

Well it seems that your parents are not doing any better than the in-laws! Let it go op.