When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?

[Anonymous]

I would love an excuse to throw a big lavish friends and family party now. Thankfully DD’s happy to let that be on her wedding day. Of course her and her brothers will have our help with their first house and we’ll pitch in/pay for the sons’ weddings too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You paid for your daughters wedding in full, with no help from her in laws? And planning not to help at all with son’s? Everyone I know is going 50-50 on weddings these days, it’s so archaic and sexist otherwise. That would also solve your other problem — yes, it is unfair for your sons to get downpayment help and not your daughter.

Your social circle must be small. This is not the norm, even today.

DP meh. DH married 25 years ago and mostly paid for it ourselves. Both sets of parents contributed less than a thousand each. Of course this was a wedding that was under 15k, so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have always told our kids that we will not pay for their weddings. If they cannot pay for own wedding they are not ready to get married. We have, however, paid for all their education- colleges and post college professional school education. We also plan to give them cash gift of 300k each when they settle down. Maybe use it as first home down payment.

Np. To be truthful is the party tthat is so expensive. You can get married at the court! I can't imagine spending $100,000 on a party.

This part gets me a bit. Sure, it’s DD’s wedding, but you’re actually hosting a huge and very fun family & friends reunion (at hosts’ choice — no one needs a $100,000 wedding). Not sure all of that should be tallied in DD’s column, so to speak. That’s the part where I feel DD should also get help with down payment (again, where there’s plenty of $ to go around).

I agree with this. My wedding was in the $100k range and while I am so grateful that my parents paid for most of it, it was a huge celebration with their family and friends that meant a lot to them as well. So it wasnt just "for me" per se.

And to the "concerned" posters these chains always bring out, yes there is $$$ for retirement and don't worry, I had money for a down payment later too.

[Anonymous]

As a father of three beautiful daughters. All very smart, talented, graduating college debt free. I will gladly pay 100 percent all three weddings.

But I do have stipulations.
1) respectful Groom to be
2) a wedding that considers aunts, uncles, parents of bride and groom.
3) I would like a Catholic mass or at l at some type of service.
4) a guy without piles of debt and. Good career
5) a guy who realizes it is the brides day
6) a guy who has a place for couple to live in.


My widowed poor Mom and my broke older sister paid 100 percent her wedding. Was a very nice wedding. Catholic mass before and the groom had saved me very penny and a little help his parents put 20 percent down on a house with my sister on title. Both had just finished masters degree debt free.

Meanwhile my brothers daughter is marrying a guy without a pot to pee in. Although Catholic and knows a big deal my brother to do a mass does not feel like it, he also wants it in a place 100 percent totally in middle of nowhere. Meaning most guests live in Ny, some in Florida a few in another state. He wants it near his apt in a fourth state. He also wants to control invitation list.

My brother finally said look I am paying 100 percent in NY, or Florida it the third state even. He said no.

The couple then had the balls to say keep the $50,000 you have saved for wedding in your vanguard account and let it grow. As if to say we can inherit more later.

My brother finally said I always wanted a new Camaro Convertible full loaded and could do an extra vacation or two. I will just spend it.

It was hilarious. I honestly think if you gave guy 50k to disappear he would.

Sadly most of today’s men are not worth the dad paying for wedding.

My father in law said you 109 percent plan wedding and pay 100 percent and if good I will give a generous gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a father of three beautiful daughters. All very smart, talented, graduating college debt free. I will gladly pay 100 percent all three weddings.

But I do have stipulations.
1) respectful Groom to be
2) a wedding that considers aunts, uncles, parents of bride and groom.
3) I would like a Catholic mass or at l at some type of service.
4) a guy without piles of debt and. Good career
5) a guy who realizes it is the brides day
6) a guy who has a place for couple to live in.


My widowed poor Mom and my broke older sister paid 100 percent her wedding. Was a very nice wedding. Catholic mass before and the groom had saved me very penny and a little help his parents put 20 percent down on a house with my sister on title. Both had just finished masters degree debt free.

Meanwhile my brothers daughter is marrying a guy without a pot to pee in. Although Catholic and knows a big deal my brother to do a mass does not feel like it, he also wants it in a place 100 percent totally in middle of nowhere. Meaning most guests live in Ny, some in Florida a few in another state. He wants it near his apt in a fourth state. He also wants to control invitation list.

My brother finally said look I am paying 100 percent in NY, or Florida it the third state even. He said no.

The couple then had the balls to say keep the $50,000 you have saved for wedding in your vanguard account and let it grow. As if to say we can inherit more later.

My brother finally said I always wanted a new Camaro Convertible full loaded and could do an extra vacation or two. I will just spend it.

It was hilarious. I honestly think if you gave guy 50k to disappear he would.

Sadly most of today’s men are not worth the dad paying for wedding.

My father in law said you 109 percent plan wedding and pay 100 percent and if good I will give a generous gift.

Money with strings attached?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not pay that much for anyone’s wedding, but I wouldn’t give my children different amounts of money based on their sexes.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love an excuse to throw a big lavish friends and family party now. Thankfully DD’s happy to let that be on her wedding day. Of course her and her brothers will have our help with their first house and we’ll pitch in/pay for the sons’ weddings too.

Just hope the brothers/sons are ok that sister gets full wedding plus down payment. And sons “only” get wedding as needed plus down payment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love an excuse to throw a big lavish friends and family party now. Thankfully DD’s happy to let that be on her wedding day. Of course her and her brothers will have our help with their first house and we’ll pitch in/pay for the sons’ weddings too.

Just hope the brothers/sons are ok that sister gets full wedding plus down payment. And sons “only” get wedding as needed plus down payment.

I hope my son will realize the money we pay for his sister’s wedding is a family expense (to be enjoyed by everyone like a family vacation where we pay for everyone) and not like we are giving her the money for her own expenses. They will get equal amounts for down payment. They got equal amounts for college because they both went to same state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love an excuse to throw a big lavish friends and family party now. Thankfully DD’s happy to let that be on her wedding day. Of course her and her brothers will have our help with their first house and we’ll pitch in/pay for the sons’ weddings too.

Just hope the brothers/sons are ok that sister gets full wedding plus down payment. And sons “only” get wedding as needed plus down payment.

I hope my son will realize the money we pay for his sister’s wedding is a family expense (to be enjoyed by everyone like a family vacation where we pay for everyone) and not like we are giving her the money for her own expenses. They will get equal amounts for down payment. They got equal amounts for college because they both went to same state school.

Np. Seriously?! Dh and I paid for our own wedding. My in-laws thought just like you and didn’t give us anything. I’m not sure my Dh enjoyed living off ramen so we could afford a wedding while his sister got gifted 50k the next year for hers. Pure sexism to only pay for daughters.

[Anonymous]

What I have seen is not groom’s parents defraying the costs of the wedding reception, but instead dialing up the expense and size of the rehearsal dinner/party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich people problem alert! (none of this money will effect our retirement money or plans)

Do you try to make that "fair" with your sons? DH wants to just offer each of the kids the same amount, say $100,000, and let them use for wedding and house downpayment. But in truth, I cannot see denying DD the fancy wedding (which we will all truly enjoy) and also helping her get into her first house. For the oldest son, we paid closing costs and whatever else after DS first secured a mortgage loan on his own, which came to just under $100,000.

None.

We are offering both kids the same amount of money at engagement. They can either be smart and buy a house or be dumb and throw an expensive party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love an excuse to throw a big lavish friends and family party now. Thankfully DD’s happy to let that be on her wedding day. Of course her and her brothers will have our help with their first house and we’ll pitch in/pay for the sons’ weddings too.

Just hope the brothers/sons are ok that sister gets full wedding plus down payment. And sons “only” get wedding as needed plus down payment.

I hope my son will realize the money we pay for his sister’s wedding is a family expense (to be enjoyed by everyone like a family vacation where we pay for everyone) and not like we are giving her the money for her own expenses. They will get equal amounts for down payment. They got equal amounts for college because they both went to same state school.

Np. Seriously?! Dh and I paid for our own wedding. My in-laws thought just like you and didn’t give us anything. I’m not sure my Dh enjoyed living off ramen so we could afford a wedding while his sister got gifted 50k the next year for hers. Pure sexism to only pay for daughters.

I didn’t say I wouldn’t pay for my son’s wedding. If he and his fiancé didn’t have her parents pay for it, I’d offer. I was just saying that I view weddings as a family expense (like a family vacation) and not as a gift to the child (boy or girl).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You paid for your daughters wedding in full, with no help from her in laws? And planning not to help at all with son’s? Everyone I know is going 50-50 on weddings these days, it’s so archaic and sexist otherwise. That would also solve your other problem — yes, it is unfair for your sons to get downpayment help and not your daughter.

+1
When my (then to be) future in-laws discovered my parents cash contribution to our wedding and start in life, they simply matched it. They are the sweetest folks in the world, it wasn't out of any sort of competitive thing, they simply didn't know "what normal Americans do" and we were married in the US. I was the bride and my parents are a bit old fashioned, so had expected to pay for the whole wedding. I too believe this is a stupid sexist tradition btw.

For my own kids, they will cover the costs themselves. I will make the tax "gift" contribution amount (14k or so). They get trusts at 37yo. They will need to wing it until then. Showing off to a bunch of folks by hosting a fancy wedding just isn't my thing. We don't place much emphasis on this in our family, so I doubt my kids will care much. One is a teen and shows no sign of caring about the perfect wedding or happily ever after stuff. Honestly, I just hope she marries and gives me some grandkids.

But you're not judgmental or anything, so that's good.

[Anonymous]

Why do people get so worked up over weddings and attack anyone who disagrees with them? And why are you all so worried about each of your kids getting the exact same amount of money from you? If you're raising your kids right they're gonna know that everything you do comes from the heart.

We have four daughters. Three got married. One says she never plans to and very likely never will. Each wedding cost dramatically different amounts of money. Each daughter got what she wanted. The grooms' parents pitched in various amounts of money, but we paid for the great bulk of all three weddings and were fine with it. Nobody is complaining about or judging anybody else, and the one who isn't getting married isn't demanding or expecting any "compensation." Parenting doesn't require maintaining a balance sheet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people get so worked up over weddings and attack anyone who disagrees with them? And why are you all so worried about each of your kids getting the exact same amount of money from you? If you're raising your kids right they're gonna know that everything you do comes from the heart.

We have four daughters. Three got married. One says she never plans to and very likely never will. Each wedding cost dramatically different amounts of money. Each daughter got what she wanted. The grooms' parents pitched in various amounts of money, but we paid for the great bulk of all three weddings and were fine with it. Nobody is complaining about or judging anybody else, and the one who isn't getting married isn't demanding or expecting any "compensation." Parenting doesn't require maintaining a balance sheet.

Country divided and too many narrow minded, uneducated people.