Sigh. Another lonely weekend for my teen

[Anonymous]

That age is terribly awkward. And while marching to the beat of one’s own drum can be a great thing, it’ll pose problems in the DMV (if that’s where you are).

[Anonymous]

Omg I’d be exhausted after two sports practices in a weekend and would also just like to hang around at home for the rest of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid who would love to be busy all weekend socially but seems to have friends whose parents are either weird about covid or who aren’t as social as her so her plans are more sporadic. And I have one kid who would love nothing more than to sit around chilling on her phone/Netflix after a long week of school but has friends constantly bugging her to do stuff, and all of them have parents who allowed sleepovers at our house since mid April 2020.

My kids do usually have social plans once a week at minimum, but all of their friends live in the neighborhood.

It was a weird year and a half. Lots of friendships faded away. I get the feeling lots of kids are alone.

The problem with group activities like sports is that large group dynamics don’t lend themselves to deepened friendships with more socially shy kids. The socially adept ones tend to dominate. I’d suggest 2 things:

1. Clubs that tend to attract your less typical kids

2. Do any of your friends have kids this age? Within 2 years? I became friends with quite a few of my kids friends parents over the years, but it would work just as well in reverse. If you don’t have any friends yourself, are you surprised he doesn’t either?

I think girls are different than guys in terms of socialness, honestly.

[Anonymous]

My teen is the same way. A total introvert. She gets her people time at her extracurricular (long hours) and at school. She isn’t bothered by it, so I am not bothered by it. Occasionally she has a babysitting job or church obligation but otherwise she is sleeping and relaxing on the weekends when not doing her EC.

[Anonymous]

High school presents more opportunities. DS is adopted. He came to live with us the summer after 8th grade when the pandemic was in full swing. 9th grade was virtual. Most of that first year, his friends were his sister’s friends. Then he found the artsy kids at school online and once he started in person learning this fall, they all have lunch together and are in a club afterschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same for my daughter, OP. And yes, she does care. Weekends are long for her. For most people, it’s terribly lonely being alone. I’m surprised how many people are dismissing the importance of company and friendship.

I don't think we're dismissing it. It's just that I really feel like most kids are not hanging out these weekends. I know a lot of previously very social kids who don't have all sorts of weekend plans.

Where would they be hanging out and what would they be doing? These kids aren’t even old enough to drive yet?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with OP's son (the world is vast and full of people with different preferences) but I'm confused by how shocked you are by the idea of teens hanging out on the weekend. They'd hang out on porches, or in backyards. My teen kicks a soccer ball back and forth with her friends and talks, or bikes to the park and talks, or walks to the bakery and talks. Where do you live that you can't imagine kids just....hanging out together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same for my daughter, OP. And yes, she does care. Weekends are long for her. For most people, it’s terribly lonely being alone. I’m surprised how many people are dismissing the importance of company and friendship.

I don't think we're dismissing it. It's just that I really feel like most kids are not hanging out these weekends. I know a lot of previously very social kids who don't have all sorts of weekend plans.

Where would they be hanging out and what would they be doing? These kids aren’t even old enough to drive yet?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with OP's son (the world is vast and full of people with different preferences) but I'm confused by how shocked you are by the idea of teens hanging out on the weekend. They'd hang out on porches, or in backyards. My teen kicks a soccer ball back and forth with her friends and talks, or bikes to the park and talks, or walks to the bakery and talks. Where do you live that you can't imagine kids just....hanging out together?

Do you even have a teen? This sounds like something people who grew up in the 90’s or 80’s did.

[Anonymous]

Wait my popular 13 year old boy has no plans and we don’t think twice. He has his sport and that is it. We are still in Covid time so every now and again he is out with classmates who are vaccinated. He does do a lot of chats and video games with friends. Your son may be doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait my popular 13 year old boy has no plans and we don’t think twice. He has his sport and that is it. We are still in Covid time so every now and again he is out with classmates who are vaccinated. He does do a lot of chats and video games with friends. Your son may be doing the same.

Posters like this do not get it. OP said her kid never plays video games, text chats or goes out with peers. There is a big difference between that and what you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same for my daughter, OP. And yes, she does care. Weekends are long for her. For most people, it’s terribly lonely being alone. I’m surprised how many people are dismissing the importance of company and friendship.

I don't think we're dismissing it. It's just that I really feel like most kids are not hanging out these weekends. I know a lot of previously very social kids who don't have all sorts of weekend plans.

Where would they be hanging out and what would they be doing? These kids aren’t even old enough to drive yet?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with OP's son (the world is vast and full of people with different preferences) but I'm confused by how shocked you are by the idea of teens hanging out on the weekend. They'd hang out on porches, or in backyards. My teen kicks a soccer ball back and forth with her friends and talks, or bikes to the park and talks, or walks to the bakery and talks. Where do you live that you can't imagine kids just....hanging out together?

Do you even have a teen? This sounds like something people who grew up in the 90’s or 80’s did.

And we were a lot less busy with EC activities back then than teens are today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg I’d be exhausted after two sports practices in a weekend and would also just like to hang around at home for the rest of the time.

Same here. That would be plenty of interaction for my son. He'd go home and play video games with other kids from school online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is always the one inviting and never gets reciprocated. He’s had the same group of friends since 4th grade and he’s now in 9th. He doesn’t make plans every weekend but when it suits him. He has realized most kids are home too and not hanging with friends all the time. You need to realize that too. There are more kids home chilling than you think. If he likes his friends, who cares if they don’t reciprocate? My son loves having his friends at his place. His friends do not live in an environment where they can have friends over so I understand why it’s one-sided. I think he understands now too.

For a while, my DS tried to reach out several times, but found that kids had no time. A lot of kids are over scheduled. Or, maybe they just didn't want to hang out with him.

He's now a junior in HS, found his tribe in a magnet, and has a very active social life. They do play online together, too, especially during the pandemic, but now, it's mostly at night after they are done with HW. On the w/e, they do get together more often and go have dinner together. I think when they are older, it's so much easier for the boys to get together because they can go places on their own and hang out. Just watching my DS's social life evolve, it seems like for boys at least, it's much more organic. They don't make a huge effort to get together. A lot of times it's very last minute and spontaneous.

Along those lines, when DS switched to an iphone, he started to get more plugged into what was going on. He used to have an android, and the kids would have a huge group message going on on the imessage app. Apparently, it's harder to get android phones on that chat, and like I said, it's much more organic and spontaneous, and no one makes an effort to include non-iphone users. There is another kid DS knows who does't have an iphone, and that kid also gets excluded from group chats.

I never once thought this would be an issue when my kids got a phone. But, there it is.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should have more family activities, OP? Family board game night on Friday night, a hike on Saturday, church on Sunday followed by brunch, watch football together as a family on Sunday, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is the same age and rarely gets together with other kids. They do play video games online together so that's how they socialize for the most part.

This. My 13 year old is like this and he seems balanced and happy (when not grumpy because he is a teen). I think this is completely normal OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait my popular 13 year old boy has no plans and we don’t think twice. He has his sport and that is it. We are still in Covid time so every now and again he is out with classmates who are vaccinated. He does do a lot of chats and video games with friends. Your son may be doing the same.

If your son in vaccinated, why do you care about other kids?