Sigh. Another lonely weekend for my teen

[Anonymous]

Staring down a long, lonely weekend for my 13 year old DS. There are two sports practices over the weekend so he will have some social interaction but even his long-time sport has not led to outside friendships. He has what adults might call "acquaintances" at school who he eats lunch with (or so he tells me) but no one who has translated into a friend to do things with outside of school. He used to have tons of friends in elementary and now has basically none. He is a friendly, upbeat kid but also marches to the beat of his own drum. I am totally at a loss as to why he is in this situation. I mean I see all kinds of groups of kids at his school and I just find it so hard to believe that he cannot find his group. I keep encouraging him to invite kids to do things but he is reluctant. I think his reluctance is based on how he used to invite kids to do things but he was rejected by some kids and others never reciprocated so he has stopped. We do plenty of activities as a family, so it is not that he is actually sitting around, but it just really, really sucks. When my own friends go on and on about how their kids are so busy, and have all these social obligations, I just feel sad. I try very hard not to make my DS feel bad about his situation, but I can only encourage him to reach out so much before I need to back off. Thanks for listening. Just kind of sad this afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Is he sad about this?

[Anonymous]

It sucks but it’s kind of normal here i think. Kids are in so many activities, they dont have the time or energy to make outside friends. We live in a neighborhood with few kids my tweens’ age. For the younger one, i have to organize playdates with moms across town. The older one in 7th connects with friends through texting but they rarely have a chance to get together. I feel like this is the general condition of our times—socially distanced and distant.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding me? You need to calm down. This is extremely common for 13-year-old boys. You’re gonna project your insecurity on him and that’s gonna be worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Staring down a long, lonely weekend for my 13 year old DS. There are two sports practices over the weekend so he will have some social interaction but even his long-time sport has not led to outside friendships. He has what adults might call "acquaintances" at school who he eats lunch with (or so he tells me) but no one who has translated into a friend to do things with outside of school. He used to have tons of friends in elementary and now has basically none. He is a friendly, upbeat kid but also marches to the beat of his own drum. I am totally at a loss as to why he is in this situation. I mean I see all kinds of groups of kids at his school and I just find it so hard to believe that he cannot find his group. I keep encouraging him to invite kids to do things but he is reluctant. I think his reluctance is based on how he used to invite kids to do things but he was rejected by some kids and others never reciprocated so he has stopped. We do plenty of activities as a family, so it is not that he is actually sitting around, but it just really, really sucks. When my own friends go on and on about how their kids are so busy, and have all these social obligations, I just feel sad. I try very hard not to make my DS feel bad about his situation, but I can only encourage him to reach out so much before I need to back off. Thanks for listening. Just kind of sad this afternoon.

Join the school's Scout troop. When you are hiking and camping with kids all weekend, you quickly become friends.

[Anonymous]

My husband told me he was like this in middle school. Played sports, but didn’t get together with anyone outside of that. His mother would tell you it was so sad and she felt so bad for him, but I don’t think he cared! He made a few good friends once he got to high school who he’s still close with today. So if your son isn’t upset, I wouldn’t worry too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband told me he was like this in middle school. Played sports, but didn’t get together with anyone outside of that. His mother would tell you it was so sad and she felt so bad for him, but I don’t think he cared! He made a few good friends once he got to high school who he’s still close with today. So if your son isn’t upset, I wouldn’t worry too much.

+1 My DS is now 16, has a great social life.. now.

When he was in MS, he didn't have any real school friends. There were some kids he ate lunch with, but as stated, they were "acquaintances" not real friends. He had one good friend who was not in his grade, so they only hung out sometimes on the weekends.

My kid is not sporty, so he didn't even do any real sports.

Finally, in HS, he found his tribe. It also helped that he came out of the awkward MS stage. He had packed on the pounds and was very insecure. He has since slimmed down and grown taller and is much more confident.

If your kid is at least getting some interaction at sports, I would say leave it alone for now. But, my kid was getting almost no interaction since he didn't even do sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband told me he was like this in middle school. Played sports, but didn’t get together with anyone outside of that. His mother would tell you it was so sad and she felt so bad for him, but I don’t think he cared! He made a few good friends once he got to high school who he’s still close with today. So if your son isn’t upset, I wouldn’t worry too much.

+1. I get your dismay, OP, but this sounds like a mama's point of view. What does your DH say about it? If he's not concerned, I wouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he's lonely? Op, I'm guessing your own angst makes this a whole lot worse for him.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the others OP. There are many 13 year old boys without social plans every weekend. And Covid has put a continued wrench into things. I have pretty social kids (they've been the same school since PK) and I find that all of their friend are less social than they were pre-Covid. I've had this conversation with many parent friends. Our kids are more isolated. It's taking a while for them to get their groove back.

[Anonymous]

Same for my daughter, OP. And yes, she does care. Weekends are long for her. For most people, it’s terribly lonely being alone. I’m surprised how many people are dismissing the importance of company and friendship.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s easier for posters to dismiss you than to express sympathy or well wishes.

[Anonymous]

You’re projecting. Maybe he’s an introvert—so what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same for my daughter, OP. And yes, she does care. Weekends are long for her. For most people, it’s terribly lonely being alone. I’m surprised how many people are dismissing the importance of company and friendship.

I don't think we're dismissing it. It's just that I really feel like most kids are not hanging out these weekends. I know a lot of previously very social kids who don't have all sorts of weekend plans.

[Anonymous]

What exactly do you expect to see him doing? My kid plays sports on the weekends, but otherwise meets up with friends through online games like Fortnite.