Sigh. Another lonely weekend for my teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want more or are you projecting your issues on to him? Why are others responsible for preventing your child's loneliness? We don't spend all our weekends with friends. Weekends are mostly family time with an occasional friend thing.

OP never suggested that. This sounds like a comment that would come from someone who's a bit sensitive about their lack of focus beyond themselves and their own, failing/not wanting to reach out to someone else because they don't need to.

Your own comment seems to imply it's my responsibility to reach out to someone who is not "my own". I think the assumption that everyone organizes weekends with lots of friend hangouts is incorrect.

[Anonymous]

I’m disturbed and saddened by the number of posters on here normalizing kids, especially boys, having no friends or real-life social interactions. Male violence is a serious problem. Men are human and need love, friendship, community and interaction just as much as women do. Our culture just normalizes this sexist idea that boys and men are fine never expressing their feelings or having deep emotional intimacy, and then we wonder why men disproportionately commit antisocial behaviors later in life.

OP I’m not trying to be extreme and say your son will do anything bad later in life. But I am saying that your feeling that your son’s social isolation is bad is correct.

I don’t care if it’s becoming more common for teens to have no social life. It’s bad. It will lead to problems for their generation. As parents we should not encourage or accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m disturbed and saddened by the number of posters on here normalizing kids, especially boys, having no friends or real-life social interactions. Male violence is a serious problem. Men are human and need love, friendship, community and interaction just as much as women do. Our culture just normalizes this sexist idea that boys and men are fine never expressing their feelings or having deep emotional intimacy, and then we wonder why men disproportionately commit antisocial behaviors later in life.

OP I’m not trying to be extreme and say your son will do anything bad later in life. But I am saying that your feeling that your son’s social isolation is bad is correct.

I don’t care if it’s becoming more common for teens to have no social life. It’s bad. It will lead to problems for their generation. As parents we should not encourage or accept it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want more or are you projecting your issues on to him? Why are others responsible for preventing your child's loneliness? We don't spend all our weekends with friends. Weekends are mostly family time with an occasional friend thing.

OP never suggested that. This sounds like a comment that would come from someone who's a bit sensitive about their lack of focus beyond themselves and their own, failing/not wanting to reach out to someone else because they don't need to.

Your own comment seems to imply it's my responsibility to reach out to someone who is not "my own". I think the assumption that everyone organizes weekends with lots of friend hangouts is incorrect.

No. Especially in the teenage years, parents aren't doing all the social organizing.
My implication is merely that your comment implies a lack of empathy or care and no desire to even consider being kind and reaching out to another kid or family who might appreciate the offer. You're not obligated and the OPs' son's loneliness is not your responsibility -- and again, nobody suggested it is. Just sad, imo, that you are quick to take that interpretation and seem to lack any sense of generosity toward another's plight.

[Anonymous]

We realized that our son wanted deeper connection and more naturally occuring hanging out in daily life. He has decided to apply to boarding schools. He’s 14 and is really clear this is what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want more or are you projecting your issues on to him? Why are others responsible for preventing your child's loneliness? We don't spend all our weekends with friends. Weekends are mostly family time with an occasional friend thing.

OP never suggested that. This sounds like a comment that would come from someone who's a bit sensitive about their lack of focus beyond themselves and their own, failing/not wanting to reach out to someone else because they don't need to.

+1

[Anonymous]

I haven't read every post in this thread, but the Atlantic just posted an article, "Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out" --your son is not alone. I was fairly isolated in high school because I preferred to be alone a book. Funnily enough, I've gotten in touch with some of those high school kids and we're all quite different now. If your son seems happy, then let him be. https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/02/america-decline-hanging-out/677451/?utm_campaign=atlantic-daily-newsletter&utm_content=20241004&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_term=The+Atlantic+Daily

[Anonymous]

Op here with an update: Tiny, tiny progress three years later. My now 16 year old has met up with one or two other kids for weekend lunches a couple of times per month since school started. These other kids do not go to his large public HS but he knows them through sports. It has been a long, sad road but I am grateful that he has had some social outlet these last few months. He still spends weekend evenings at home but at least has had some social contact outside of school. Baby steps and fingers crossed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update: Tiny, tiny progress three years later. My now 16 year old has met up with one or two other kids for weekend lunches a couple of times per month since school started. These other kids do not go to his large public HS but he knows them through sports. It has been a long, sad road but I am grateful that he has had some social outlet these last few months. He still spends weekend evenings at home but at least has had some social contact outside of school. Baby steps and fingers crossed!

Glad to hear it Op. Thanks for following up on your thread. The middle school and high school crowds are tough at times. Wishing your son all the best!

[Anonymous]

Parents please help your sons make friends. It's not normal to not have any friends in HS. There has to be an underlying issue.

[Anonymous]

how about girlfriend? so many girls are desperate for a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

My boys didn't start having a 'hang out' social life until 11th grade. It's fine. He'll be fine as long as you don't make him feel like there is something wrong.

People in this area are way too busy.

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old son texted about 10 different people to hang out today....all of them are "busy." The one friend that was available is now over an hour late to their planned meet up time. So sad and frustrated for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old son texted about 10 different people to hang out today....all of them are "busy." The one friend that was available is now over an hour late to their planned meet up time. So sad and frustrated for my kid.

Your kid is going to have a hard time with a Tuesday play date at 14. Most kids have activities after school. That’s why they are busy. Or maybe they watch siblings or do homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old son texted about 10 different people to hang out today....all of them are "busy." The one friend that was available is now over an hour late to their planned meet up time. So sad and frustrated for my kid.

Your kid is going to have a hard time with a Tuesday play date at 14. Most kids have activities after school. That’s why they are busy. Or maybe they watch siblings or do homework.

It's a shame because kids, most kids anyway, are too busy. Parents value extracurriculars and homework, being super busy, essentially, over kids having free time and unstructured time to just be kids.