Sigh. Another lonely weekend for my teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same for my daughter, OP. And yes, she does care. Weekends are long for her. For most people, it’s terribly lonely being alone. I’m surprised how many people are dismissing the importance of company and friendship.

Same for my 14 year old son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding me? You need to calm down. This is extremely common for 13-year-old boys. You’re gonna project your insecurity on him and that’s gonna be worse.

Thanks for posting this. My 13 yr old son does not have a lot of social engagements or extracurricular activities; he spends a lot of time in the basement on you tube but he is content! I just give him down time, let him do his thing and encourage him to try new activities and pursue interests. I try not to sweat it when it seems like every other teen has a robust social life. I don’t really think this is the case anyway.

[Anonymous]

Op here: When I say no friends, I mean no friends. No one to play video games with on weekends, no friends to invite to a pizza party (neighborhood kids exclude him). I agree that it is important that I don’t make him feel bad about it. But I know he has tried to reach out to kids to play video games with or meet up with. It’s just hard to understand why he is in this situation given that he is a pretty friendly, nice kid. He dresses well enough, sporty, funny. There are so many different groups of kids at his school but he hasn’t found anyone.

[Anonymous]

does his school have non athletic clubs? do you belong to a church with a youth group? it took awhile, but that's how my dd made friends.when she was struggling in MS. things are better for her this year as a 9th grader. She is less awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do you expect to see him doing? My kid plays sports on the weekends, but otherwise meets up with friends through online games like Fortnite.

He's a kid go play with you friends. Does he not have neighborhood friends. I feel like I was the opposite, I ha good friends in elementary and middle, but struggled a bit in high school.

[Anonymous]

My kid is the same and it used to tear me up inside. It turned out he really didn’t mind so I have had to learn not to mind, too. He doesn’t do sports but he will do school clubs and camps.

[Anonymous]

Huh. I have a 12 yo in 7th grade and he is really no into weekend plans. He will meet up with friends sometimes, but it's not a regular thing.

Does your kid actually care about this?

[Anonymous]

OP- agree with reaching out to none sports activities. Different dynamics there.

Both my DD are the same. One messages friends. One doesn’t have any communication with acquaintances outside of school. It is tough. I try to fill in with fun activities. She cares and I worry about depression and low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same for my daughter, OP. And yes, she does care. Weekends are long for her. For most people, it’s terribly lonely being alone. I’m surprised how many people are dismissing the importance of company and friendship.

Same for my 14 year old son.

My daughter hates summer vacation for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh. I have a 12 yo in 7th grade and he is really no into weekend plans. He will meet up with friends sometimes, but it's not a regular thing.

Does your kid actually care about this?

Same for my 12yo DS in 7th. He does play a team sport and plays video games online with friends. Otherwise it is family time, mostly. He does meet up with friends occasionally.

[Anonymous]

My son is always the one inviting and never gets reciprocated. He’s had the same group of friends since 4th grade and he’s now in 9th. He doesn’t make plans every weekend but when it suits him. He has realized most kids are home too and not hanging with friends all the time. You need to realize that too. There are more kids home chilling than you think. If he likes his friends, who cares if they don’t reciprocate? My son loves having his friends at his place. His friends do not live in an environment where they can have friends over so I understand why it’s one-sided. I think he understands now too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: When I say no friends, I mean no friends. No one to play video games with on weekends, no friends to invite to a pizza party (neighborhood kids exclude him). I agree that it is important that I don’t make him feel bad about it. But I know he has tried to reach out to kids to play video games with or meet up with. It’s just hard to understand why he is in this situation given that he is a pretty friendly, nice kid. He dresses well enough, sporty, funny. There are so many different groups of kids at his school but he hasn’t found anyone.

I think it’s more common than you think. I have a 13 yo and talk to other parents and their sons seem to be going through the same. Mine plays on a team and gets along well with the other guys there. They will enjoy the game this weekend and all be friendly. But he doesn’t talk to any of them outside of school. I’m friends with some of the parents of his friends from elementary. They boys seem to have drifted apart and all basically stay home now. Part of this is they are tired from getting up so early. Part of it is middle school and interests change. It’s an awkward time. They are all in 8th grade. But none of them seem sad or depressed or anything. I’m making sure he signs up for one sport per season and so are other parents, just to make sure they do something.

[Anonymous]

I have a 17 year old and he is still the same. He is a very sweet kid with lots of interests including sports, politics, etc but I think he finds it hard to take friendships to a closer level. He also was very slow to join social media, in fact still does little with it, and I think that is a lot of how kids bonded, particularly in late middle school.

On one hand I do think my son has learned to enjoy his own company, which is great. On the other hand, I think he is often lonely (he is also an only child) and I think it is developmentally appropriate for teens to socialize with each other so find it a little concerning he is missing out on that.

It has given us food for thought as we discuss colleges (son is applying now). Some people have advised that son might more easily find friends at a smaller college, but I actually think he could feel more left out there as not being part of a group would be more noticeable (it is not like my son’s personality will magically change when he goes to college, and all of a sudden find it easy to make lots of friends). So I am encouraging him to apply to some larger colleges, and crossing my fingers he finds a few good friends at that stage of life.

[Anonymous]

I have one kid who would love to be busy all weekend socially but seems to have friends whose parents are either weird about covid or who aren’t as social as her so her plans are more sporadic. And I have one kid who would love nothing more than to sit around chilling on her phone/Netflix after a long week of school but has friends constantly bugging her to do stuff, and all of them have parents who allowed sleepovers at our house since mid April 2020.

My kids do usually have social plans once a week at minimum, but all of their friends live in the neighborhood.

It was a weird year and a half. Lots of friendships faded away. I get the feeling lots of kids are alone.

The problem with group activities like sports is that large group dynamics don’t lend themselves to deepened friendships with more socially shy kids. The socially adept ones tend to dominate. I’d suggest 2 things:

1. Clubs that tend to attract your less typical kids

2. Do any of your friends have kids this age? Within 2 years? I became friends with quite a few of my kids friends parents over the years, but it would work just as well in reverse. If you don’t have any friends yourself, are you surprised he doesn’t either?

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by sports practices? Is he on a team? If so, there should be some social interaction.