If you are divorced and will never remarry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

Yeah, I don’t find it depressing at all. I’m happily married and am positive I’ll never divorce. But if I were to lose DH somehow (I’m in my early 40s) I wouldn’t remarry. I’m done having kids; my kids are nearly grown; I’m assuming I’d be financially stable. When a marriage is good, it provides a wonderful sense of peace and stability during those years when it would be hard to do everything alone. When those years are over for me, I’ll still enjoy the love and companionship of DH. But if I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t need that guarantee of stability—I’d have it on my own. Many women are now independent enough that a bad marriage isn’t necessary for economic stability, particularly after they’re done raising kids. And that’s a good thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

Yeah, I don’t find it depressing at all. I’m happily married and am positive I’ll never divorce. But if I were to lose DH somehow (I’m in my early 40s) I wouldn’t remarry. I’m done having kids; my kids are nearly grown; I’m assuming I’d be financially stable. When a marriage is good, it provides a wonderful sense of peace and stability during those years when it would be hard to do everything alone. When those years are over for me, I’ll still enjoy the love and companionship of DH. But if I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t need that guarantee of stability—I’d have it on my own. Many women are now independent enough that a bad marriage isn’t necessary for economic stability, particularly after they’re done raising kids. And that’s a good thing!

If you “lost” your H, I’m guessing you mean if he died, you can’t marry. You would lose his social security.

My MIL lives in an over 55 community near the beach. They call it sin city. None of the women can marry because they lose all their benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

Yeah, I don’t find it depressing at all. I’m happily married and am positive I’ll never divorce. But if I were to lose DH somehow (I’m in my early 40s) I wouldn’t remarry. I’m done having kids; my kids are nearly grown; I’m assuming I’d be financially stable. When a marriage is good, it provides a wonderful sense of peace and stability during those years when it would be hard to do everything alone. When those years are over for me, I’ll still enjoy the love and companionship of DH. But if I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t need that guarantee of stability—I’d have it on my own. Many women are now independent enough that a bad marriage isn’t necessary for economic stability, particularly after they’re done raising kids. And that’s a good thing!

If you “lost” your H, I’m guessing you mean if he died, you can’t marry. You would lose his social security.

My MIL lives in an over 55 community near the beach. They call it sin city. None of the women can marry because they lose all their benefits.

Anyone who divorced after ten years also gets half their prior spouses SS benefits. It’s not that much even at the maximum. You’d be better off remarrying which is why the benefits end if you do.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. Our marriage was a mistake from the beginning. A horrible 10 years. I regret not getting out immediately—I was strongly considering it. I do not feel I was ever really married. I would never ever do it again. I saw no advantage. Only one-sided sacrifice on my side with nothing in return. It was a complete waste and see no reason why another marriage at my age (mid 40s) would be worth it.

You have posted about this before. Of all the posts on this thread, you sound just angry and bitter. Therapy might help you accept the past and move on, and figure out your role in it. Marriage didn’t just happen to you - you dated first, got to know your spouse and made lots of decisions to get there. It’s hard to believe that the day after you got married your spouse complete dropped the mask and became someone else. Based on your posts, the marriage was literally terrible from day one. How does that even happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Woman here. Our marriage was a mistake from the beginning. A horrible 10 years. I regret not getting out immediately—I was strongly considering it. I do not feel I was ever really married. I would never ever do it again. I saw no advantage. Only one-sided sacrifice on my side with nothing in return. It was a complete waste and see no reason why another marriage at my age (mid 40s) would be worth it.

You have posted about this before. Of all the posts on this thread, you sound just angry and bitter. Therapy might help you accept the past and move on, and figure out your role in it. Marriage didn’t just happen to you - you dated first, got to know your spouse and made lots of decisions to get there. It’s hard to believe that the day after you got married your spouse complete dropped the mask and became someone else. Based on your posts, the marriage was literally terrible from day one. How does that even happen?

Mine happened through a series of very fu**ed up circumstances and decisions. I was practically emotionally disabled at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

Yeah, I don’t find it depressing at all. I’m happily married and am positive I’ll never divorce. But if I were to lose DH somehow (I’m in my early 40s) I wouldn’t remarry. I’m done having kids; my kids are nearly grown; I’m assuming I’d be financially stable. When a marriage is good, it provides a wonderful sense of peace and stability during those years when it would be hard to do everything alone. When those years are over for me, I’ll still enjoy the love and companionship of DH. But if I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t need that guarantee of stability—I’d have it on my own. Many women are now independent enough that a bad marriage isn’t necessary for economic stability, particularly after they’re done raising kids. And that’s a good thing!

If you “lost” your H, I’m guessing you mean if he died, you can’t marry. You would lose his social security.

My MIL lives in an over 55 community near the beach. They call it sin city. None of the women can marry because they lose all their benefits.

Anyone who divorced after ten years also gets half their prior spouses SS benefits. It’s not that much even at the maximum. You’d be better off remarrying which is why the benefits end if you do.

It makes more sense to not marry anc live together and if you divorce you are screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

Yeah, I don’t find it depressing at all. I’m happily married and am positive I’ll never divorce. But if I were to lose DH somehow (I’m in my early 40s) I wouldn’t remarry. I’m done having kids; my kids are nearly grown; I’m assuming I’d be financially stable. When a marriage is good, it provides a wonderful sense of peace and stability during those years when it would be hard to do everything alone. When those years are over for me, I’ll still enjoy the love and companionship of DH. But if I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t need that guarantee of stability—I’d have it on my own. Many women are now independent enough that a bad marriage isn’t necessary for economic stability, particularly after they’re done raising kids. And that’s a good thing!

If you “lost” your H, I’m guessing you mean if he died, you can’t marry. You would lose his social security.

My MIL lives in an over 55 community near the beach. They call it sin city. None of the women can marry because they lose all their benefits.

What a weird statement. I have my own Social Security and my own retirement savings. I’ve worked full time since graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

Yeah, I don’t find it depressing at all. I’m happily married and am positive I’ll never divorce. But if I were to lose DH somehow (I’m in my early 40s) I wouldn’t remarry. I’m done having kids; my kids are nearly grown; I’m assuming I’d be financially stable. When a marriage is good, it provides a wonderful sense of peace and stability during those years when it would be hard to do everything alone. When those years are over for me, I’ll still enjoy the love and companionship of DH. But if I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t need that guarantee of stability—I’d have it on my own. Many women are now independent enough that a bad marriage isn’t necessary for economic stability, particularly after they’re done raising kids. And that’s a good thing!

If you “lost” your H, I’m guessing you mean if he died, you can’t marry. You would lose his social security.

My MIL lives in an over 55 community near the beach. They call it sin city. None of the women can marry because they lose all their benefits.

What a weird statement. I have my own Social Security and my own retirement savings. I’ve worked full time since graduation.

You get social security from the time they die to help raise your children. You don’t get social security until you retire.

[Anonymous]

I had initially a very happy, fairytale-like marriage (12 years). Then he cheated and dumped me for a business partner, when our son was in high school. I "mommy-tracked" in my career so my eH could travel. I was that submissive housewife with small jobs on a side for 16 years. Then he told me he no longer needed a "cook in the kitchen" and doesn't plan his retirement with me.
After such a let-down, I am working on rebuilding my career a life, and taking care of people who really matter- my child and my parents.

I got some assets in divorce; my exH was a high net worth individual. I miss a little bit the financial freedom. I would remarry only for a high joint net worth. I do think that men in general are not reliable. Nodoby is 100% reliable, even those who appear to have integrity initially. Therefore, marriage only would make sense from financial standpoint eg to raise my and my family net worth to the next level. I dont need marriage for companionship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Woman here. Our marriage was a mistake from the beginning. A horrible 10 years. I regret not getting out immediately—I was strongly considering it. I do not feel I was ever really married. I would never ever do it again. I saw no advantage. Only one-sided sacrifice on my side with nothing in return. It was a complete waste and see no reason why another marriage at my age (mid 40s) would be worth it.

You have posted about this before. Of all the posts on this thread, you sound just angry and bitter. Therapy might help you accept the past and move on, and figure out your role in it. Marriage didn’t just happen to you - you dated first, got to know your spouse and made lots of decisions to get there. It’s hard to believe that the day after you got married your spouse complete dropped the mask and became someone else. Based on your posts, the marriage was literally terrible from day one. How does that even happen?

It happened because we were long distance for a year. I wanted to break up. He wanted to her married. I had strong family pressure. I was in my early 30s and my family thought I was “old.” I am convinced if long distance never happened we would have never gotten married (we were long distance and had to make a decision. My lease was ending…were we going to do another year long distance? No. I had a lot of pressure. I wanted to cancel the engagement all the way up to the altar: I was told that would be a mistake. Well, my gut was right. But I caved to pressure ….that kind of pressure makes you question yourself.

We did not have sex on our honeymoon or hardly at all ever…yes, it was bad and a mistake from day one. We were never really emotionally or physically connected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Woman here. Our marriage was a mistake from the beginning. A horrible 10 years. I regret not getting out immediately—I was strongly considering it. I do not feel I was ever really married. I would never ever do it again. I saw no advantage. Only one-sided sacrifice on my side with nothing in return. It was a complete waste and see no reason why another marriage at my age (mid 40s) would be worth it.

You have posted about this before. Of all the posts on this thread, you sound just angry and bitter. Therapy might help you accept the past and move on, and figure out your role in it. Marriage didn’t just happen to you - you dated first, got to know your spouse and made lots of decisions to get there. It’s hard to believe that the day after you got married your spouse complete dropped the mask and became someone else. Based on your posts, the marriage was literally terrible from day one. How does that even happen?

Also, with emotionally abusive people, the mask comes off once they think they have you hooked. I saw red flags during dating and engagement but my mother made excuses and wanted to marry me off. The mask completely comes off after marriage. There are some things you could never predict.

[Anonymous]

Planning on divorcing and would only remarry if it was to my best (male) friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

Yeah, I don’t find it depressing at all. I’m happily married and am positive I’ll never divorce. But if I were to lose DH somehow (I’m in my early 40s) I wouldn’t remarry. I’m done having kids; my kids are nearly grown; I’m assuming I’d be financially stable. When a marriage is good, it provides a wonderful sense of peace and stability during those years when it would be hard to do everything alone. When those years are over for me, I’ll still enjoy the love and companionship of DH. But if I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t need that guarantee of stability—I’d have it on my own. Many women are now independent enough that a bad marriage isn’t necessary for economic stability, particularly after they’re done raising kids. And that’s a good thing!

If you “lost” your H, I’m guessing you mean if he died, you can’t marry. You would lose his social security.

My MIL lives in an over 55 community near the beach. They call it sin city. None of the women can marry because they lose all their benefits.

What a weird statement. I have my own Social Security and my own retirement savings. I’ve worked full time since graduation.

You get social security from the time they die to help raise your children. You don’t get social security until you retire.

Okay but likely she would also get life insurance money, and she has her own job. Most women now aren’t planning to depend on their DH’s social security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

Yeah, I don’t find it depressing at all. I’m happily married and am positive I’ll never divorce. But if I were to lose DH somehow (I’m in my early 40s) I wouldn’t remarry. I’m done having kids; my kids are nearly grown; I’m assuming I’d be financially stable. When a marriage is good, it provides a wonderful sense of peace and stability during those years when it would be hard to do everything alone. When those years are over for me, I’ll still enjoy the love and companionship of DH. But if I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t need that guarantee of stability—I’d have it on my own. Many women are now independent enough that a bad marriage isn’t necessary for economic stability, particularly after they’re done raising kids. And that’s a good thing!

If you “lost” your H, I’m guessing you mean if he died, you can’t marry. You would lose his social security.

My MIL lives in an over 55 community near the beach. They call it sin city. None of the women can marry because they lose all their benefits.

Anyone who divorced after ten years also gets half their prior spouses SS benefits. It’s not that much even at the maximum. You’d be better off remarrying which is why the benefits end if you do.

It makes more sense to not marry anc live together and if you divorce you are screwed.

+1 I might consider a commitment ceremony for the right person. Legally it wouldn't be beneficial.

[Anonymous]

Wtf is the point of a non binding commitment ceremony. You don’t owe the other person anything in this so called commitment that you’d be pretending to make exactly because you are too chicken shit to make a real one.