To those married to a "dumb" spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If “challenge them much intellectually” is code for “unpleasant to be with”, well no, men don’t want that.

If being challenged intellectually is “unpleasant” for you then maybe seek less intellectual spouse.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

Wrong. Genes are a social construct to perpetuate inequality.

Bwaaaaahhhhhhh

Look at professional athletes families. Genetics on the NBA court and NFL field

Same with intellectuals (unless they marry a dummy)

Racist dog whistle much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have seen this unfold w family members in their marriages. My BIL who is very intelligent but has issues w being organized/focused (maybe undiagnosed ADHD) married a woman who is not smart. She’s from a different country and English is not her first language and at first we all just thought her lack of understanding of basic things was a language barrier thing or a case of cultural differences but over the years it’s become apparent she’s actually just really dumb. She never remembers anything, she doesn’t understand basic concepts, she will have the exact same conversation over and over again. She’s also not one to just stay quiet and let others talk so it’s actually really difficult to be around her bc her presence and constant confusion and questions about every topic make it so no one can have a conversation when she’s around. BIL is always having to stop what he’s doing to explain very basic things to her. I don’t know what BIL was thinking when he married her…on top of the lack of intelligence she’s also not a nice person.

Sounds like they both have ADHd or are on the spectrum. That’s probably a good thing for their marriage, maybe not their house and any kids though…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

Wrong. Genes are a social construct to perpetuate inequality.

Bwaaaaahhhhhhh

Look at professional athletes families. Genetics on the NBA court and NFL field

Same with intellectuals (unless they marry a dummy)

Racist dog whistle much?

Fact.

Look at the 50m-200 m track pool.

Look at the NBA.

Predominantly one race will emerge.

Biology/physicality is different than intellect. The latter can be changed through education. You “can’t teach height”. Sure, you gave your Larry Birds, but they are so much fewer on numbers to be statistically significant.

Wokeness is sometimes just masked stupidity when faced with fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen this unfold w family members in their marriages. My BIL who is very intelligent but has issues w being organized/focused (maybe undiagnosed ADHD) married a woman who is not smart. She’s from a different country and English is not her first language and at first we all just thought her lack of understanding of basic things was a language barrier thing or a case of cultural differences but over the years it’s become apparent she’s actually just really dumb. She never remembers anything, she doesn’t understand basic concepts, she will have the exact same conversation over and over again. She’s also not one to just stay quiet and let others talk so it’s actually really difficult to be around her bc her presence and constant confusion and questions about every topic make it so no one can have a conversation when she’s around. BIL is always having to stop what he’s doing to explain very basic things to her. I don’t know what BIL was thinking when he married her…on top of the lack of intelligence she’s also not a nice person.

Sounds like they both have ADHd or are on the spectrum. That’s probably a good thing for their marriage, maybe not their house and any kids though…

Their lives are a mess. They have financial issues stemming from BIL’s disorganization, they fight constantly and are on the brink of divorce, their kids have issues (one kid also seems to have ADHD and has behavior problems, while the other kid is basically fine but not bright at all—takes after her mom)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

Wrong. Genes are a social construct to perpetuate inequality.

Genes are not social.

Fake news.

By definition: A gene is a basic unit of heredity and a sequence of nucleotides in DNA or RNA that encodes the synthesis of a gene product, either RNA or protein.

+1 sure there are epigenetics where genes can be modified over time, but genetics are strong. My dads, my and my youngest feet/toes/arches (except for size) are absolutely identical. It’s crazy. My two sons 2.5 years apart are virtual twins and you can’t tell any of the cousins apart until their 20s. They all run a sub 3 hour marathon. Track scholarships.

[Anonymous]

Stop treating your spouse like a coworker! Leave that crap at work. It has no place in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

Wrong. Genes are a social construct to perpetuate inequality.

Genes are not social.

Fake news.

By definition: A gene is a basic unit of heredity and a sequence of nucleotides in DNA or RNA that encodes the synthesis of a gene product, either RNA or protein.

+1 sure there are epigenetics where genes can be modified over time, but genetics are strong. My dads, my and my youngest feet/toes/arches (except for size) are absolutely identical. It’s crazy. My two sons 2.5 years apart are virtual twins and you can’t tell any of the cousins apart until their 20s. They all run a sub 3 hour marathon. Track scholarships.

I think there’s some undetected sarcasm somewhere in this exchange. The larger point though — in this context, nobody really questions whether intelligence is heritable, but in others, like education, that concept, that aspects of intelligence might have a genetic basis, is controversial.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine. Intellectual respect (mutual) was essential and, yes, I did consider genetics as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine. Intellectual respect (mutual) was essential and, yes, I did consider genetics as well.

Smart people do !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so funny, I was out w friends the other night and this exact topic came up. One asked “have any of you come to realize you’re just…smarter? Then your spouse.”

It sort of blew my mind. I looked at a lot of what I get frustrated with at home and in that light it makes so much sense. It’s actually made me a lot less frustrated. I’ll just explain things in a different way or I don’t bring up things I’m reading bc it would frustrate me they don’t get it.

I'm unconvinced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a sad and pathetic thread.

We value intelligence which is coupled with wit in my family. Perhaps, since everyone down the line is good looking thee was never a beauty vs brains vs athleticism decision in mates.

We were able to get the entire package. Who wants a dumb spouse that can’t challenge them or excite them mentally as well as physically?? That’s so boring. What do you even talk about? I think that’s why there are so many unhappily married people out there.

I wanted good looking, smart, healthy, athletic kids. Why settle for one of those categories in a mate?

It’s self selecting I suppose. Some men can’t get it all so they get a pretty dumb one that will marry them for $ and when they get bored they cheat on her with a work colleague that stimulates them in and out if the bedroom. They develop contempt as their spouse loses the only thing they had over time, their youthful looks.

+1

Very smart women in my family

Holidays are raucous and fun with good debates on everything

There is a respect for the gender and some very accomplished women on the sports field/classroom and careers

Equal footing

Kids and grandkids all very bright that ease through AP and honors with half the work/time it takes classmates

Genetics are real

Signed,
Female Molecular Biologist

Wow, two smart women with degrees are here to remind us that intelligence is inherited and women can be smart. Thanks ladies! Not relevant to the OP’s post, and pretty obnoxiously indulgent, but go you.

Signed, female of average intelligence- but capable of humility and perspective

[Anonymous]

i read somewhere that the IQ difference between spouses should be within 15 points -- otherwise *both* people end up feeling very frustrated.

also agree that men don't seem to mind their wives being less intelligent, but the "woman is more intelligent" pairing bothers the woman and the man sometimes hates it (been there).

[Anonymous]

Here's a fun fact I have noticed:

Most, if not all, people determine who is smart by who agrees with them. If you disagree with them you are an idiot, if you agree with them you are highly intelligent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be a complete nonstarter for me. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone if I didn't think they were smart, ethical, funny and attractive. Very odd compromises some of you have made.

Some of us aren't attractive.