To those married to a "dumb" spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my wife and have been happily married to her for 20+ years, but the truth is she's dumb as a rock. I try to focus on her good qualities (very pretty, sense of humor, fashion sense, etc.) and it helps me to appreciate her for what she is. When I want to have some sort of intellectually stimulating experience, I either read a book or watch a documentary (without her).

I have observed over the years that quite a few men are in this type of a relationship and it doesn't bother them at all. As you mentioned, their wives are typically pretty and have other qualities they appreciate like a good sense of humor, they are kind, they may have a lovely personality. Many men don't value intelligence in a spouse, or ambition and competency either. I think the dynamic the OP is referring to is generally more of a dilemma for women than men.

+1

The majority of men view beauty as more important than intelligence. An average or slightly below average intelligence woman with above average beauty trumps a brilliant woman of average appearance. Luckily, many men realize that the beauty isn't going to be interested in them. Still, I believe that if the majority of men could have exactly what they wanted, it would be a great beauty who is mild, sweet, and adores them/doesn't challenge them much intellectually.

[Anonymous]

If “challenge them much intellectually” is code for “unpleasant to be with”, well no, men don’t want that.

[Anonymous]

This is so funny, I was out w friends the other night and this exact topic came up. One asked “have any of you come to realize you’re just…smarter? Then your spouse.”

It sort of blew my mind. I looked at a lot of what I get frustrated with at home and in that light it makes so much sense. It’s actually made me a lot less frustrated. I’ll just explain things in a different way or I don’t bring up things I’m reading bc it would frustrate me they don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so funny, I was out w friends the other night and this exact topic came up. One asked “have any of you come to realize you’re just…smarter? Then your spouse.”

It sort of blew my mind. I looked at a lot of what I get frustrated with at home and in that light it makes so much sense. It’s actually made me a lot less frustrated. I’ll just explain things in a different way or I don’t bring up things I’m reading bc it would frustrate me they don’t get it.

All. The. Time.

But it’s very lonely how narrow and self absorbed he’s gotten over 10 years.

[Anonymous]

This is a sad and pathetic thread.

We value intelligence which is coupled with wit in my family. Perhaps, since everyone down the line is good looking thee was never a beauty vs brains vs athleticism decision in mates.

We were able to get the entire package. Who wants a dumb spouse that can’t challenge them or excite them mentally as well as physically?? That’s so boring. What do you even talk about? I think that’s why there are so many unhappily married people out there.

I wanted good looking, smart, healthy, athletic kids. Why settle for one of those categories in a mate?

It’s self selecting I suppose. Some men can’t get it all so they get a pretty dumb one that will marry them for $ and when they get bored they cheat on her with a work colleague that stimulates them in and out if the bedroom. They develop contempt as their spouse loses the only thing they had over time, their youthful looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a sad and pathetic thread.

We value intelligence which is coupled with wit in my family. Perhaps, since everyone down the line is good looking thee was never a beauty vs brains vs athleticism decision in mates.

We were able to get the entire package. Who wants a dumb spouse that can’t challenge them or excite them mentally as well as physically?? That’s so boring. What do you even talk about? I think that’s why there are so many unhappily married people out there.

I wanted good looking, smart, healthy, athletic kids. Why settle for one of those categories in a mate?

It’s self selecting I suppose. Some men can’t get it all so they get a pretty dumb one that will marry them for $ and when they get bored they cheat on her with a work colleague that stimulates them in and out if the bedroom. They develop contempt as their spouse loses the only thing they had over time, their youthful looks.

+1

Very smart women in my family

Holidays are raucous and fun with good debates on everything

There is a respect for the gender and some very accomplished women on the sports field/classroom and careers

Equal footing

Kids and grandkids all very bright that ease through AP and honors with half the work/time it takes classmates

Genetics are real

Signed,
Female Molecular Biologist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

I do not know….in that documentary Forrest Gump it was not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a sad and pathetic thread.

We value intelligence which is coupled with wit in my family. Perhaps, since everyone down the line is good looking thee was never a beauty vs brains vs athleticism decision in mates.

We were able to get the entire package. Who wants a dumb spouse that can’t challenge them or excite them mentally as well as physically?? That’s so boring. What do you even talk about? I think that’s why there are so many unhappily married people out there.

I wanted good looking, smart, healthy, athletic kids. Why settle for one of those categories in a mate?

It’s self selecting I suppose. Some men can’t get it all so they get a pretty dumb one that will marry them for $ and when they get bored they cheat on her with a work colleague that stimulates them in and out if the bedroom. They develop contempt as their spouse loses the only thing they had over time, their youthful looks.

+1

Very smart women in my family

Holidays are raucous and fun with good debates on everything

There is a respect for the gender and some very accomplished women on the sports field/classroom and careers

Equal footing

Kids and grandkids all very bright that ease through AP and honors with half the work/time it takes classmates

Genetics are real

Signed,
Female Molecular Biologist

Except for the males in your family? …lol

[Anonymous]

I have seen this unfold w family members in their marriages. My BIL who is very intelligent but has issues w being organized/focused (maybe undiagnosed ADHD) married a woman who is not smart. She’s from a different country and English is not her first language and at first we all just thought her lack of understanding of basic things was a language barrier thing or a case of cultural differences but over the years it’s become apparent she’s actually just really dumb. She never remembers anything, she doesn’t understand basic concepts, she will have the exact same conversation over and over again. She’s also not one to just stay quiet and let others talk so it’s actually really difficult to be around her bc her presence and constant confusion and questions about every topic make it so no one can have a conversation when she’s around. BIL is always having to stop what he’s doing to explain very basic things to her. I don’t know what BIL was thinking when he married her…on top of the lack of intelligence she’s also not a nice person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

Wrong. Genes are a social construct to perpetuate inequality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the opposite. I married my intellectual equal and sometimes find it difficult. We're both have a PhD and used to love good debates. Now with tough job and 2 kids sometimes I just don't want to read subtitles or solve the problems with the Afghan withdrawal etc etc. I just want a chick flick and a glass of wine. I think he's frustrated with me. Maybe when I'm less stressed and get more sleep I will enjoy those things again, but for now, I'm maxed out and I know he doesn't like that.

Thanks for posting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

Wrong. Genes are a social construct to perpetuate inequality.

Bwaaaaahhhhhhh

Look at professional athletes families. Genetics on the NBA court and NFL field

Same with intellectuals (unless they marry a dummy)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

Wrong. Genes are a social construct to perpetuate inequality.

And there are no biological differences between men and women!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you care, if you married someone significantly less intelligent, how that might factor into pot3ntial children’s intelligence levels?

No, because intelligence is primarily inherited by the mother.

Wait I thought intelligence wasn’t heritable.

It’s actually highly heritable. Read “The Cult of Smart”

Wrong. Genes are a social construct to perpetuate inequality.

Genes are not social.

Fake news.

By definition: A gene is a basic unit of heredity and a sequence of nucleotides in DNA or RNA that encodes the synthesis of a gene product, either RNA or protein.