YouTube Influencer Myka Stauffer "rehomes" adopted son

[Anonymous]

https://youtu.be/qk2jeE1LOn8

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Violent and aggressive? Wasn't he just 3?

Lots of toddlers are 'violent and aggressive'. Especially when they struggle with communication and sensory issues.

We aren't talking an angry 13 year old beating people up.

He’s 5.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:https://www.instagram.com/mykastaufferfan/

Having spent my career working with kids on the spectrum, just from these clips alone he is not Level 3. I have looked at their other clips with him from when they adopted him to the most recent and I don't see him digressing either. Many kids can see fine until they are 1 or 2 and then begin a progression into more severe behaviors like losing eye contact or gaining repetitive/restrictive behaviors. Even when disciplining him he makes very good eye contact. While non verbal he can clearly communicate.

He is clearly a kid who is special needs but definitely not in the "severe" category from from all kids I have worked with. That said, THEY are not a good fit for him so it is best that he be taken away from them -- which is most likely what the professionals made happen. If you have a family unwilling to help a child (and it is a ton of work) then the one who suffers is the child. He deserves a bright future which this family was not going to provide for him.

It's good to hear a pro chime in on this. I agree that it is good that this boy is being placed elsewhere. These people never should have gotten him in the first place.

I’ve also worked in early childhood special Ed and wouldn’t make any calls based on videos. I have taught many lovey, sweet, intelligent children who also have severe, uncontrollable meltdowns. They type that injure other kids and adults and can last for hours. I’m neutral on this whole situation because there is no way to know how bad it was. Maybe they weren’t a good family for him, maybe it’s much deeper.

I am the PP you quoted and I agree with you. I am actually neutral on his meltdowns since those are the things which are unpredictable and pushes most parents to the edge. Those can't be judge by the quick clips she posts of his meltdowns. I was more speaking to a Level 3 diagnosis which they say he has. That I don't see. A level 3 isn't something that you can't see in videos. It is always there. Definitely delayed and non verbal (at this time). And his delays may never get better, that is why I said he is better off with a different family. This family is not going to give him what he needs. He needs a family which is 100% in it for him. That isn't this one.

Yikes on my double negative sentence. What I was trying to say is that level 3 kids, who are severe, always show signs of it. That isn't something that they can sometimes have the behaviors and sometimes not have the behaviors in videos. The videos of him and now I have watched many, have long clips where he is not showing any level 3 type spectrum issues. When she is talking to him he is making great eye contact. His movement are purposeful. His signs are clear and when she is speaking he isn't distracted. Well other than what a normal toddler would find distracting.

Levels for ASD don't refer to the severity of the autistic symptoms, they refer to the level of support that the individual needs, and they aren't meant as a permanent diagnosis, they are meant as a snapshot in time. In kids with comorbidities, that can be really confusing. For example, I have a friend with a child who had a neurological injury, and has CP, vision impairments, ID and ASD. Her ASD isn't "severe" but because of the combination of disabilities her support needs are very high.

Yes, I agree with you that on the video this kid has demonstrated some skills that kids who have a sole diagnosis of ASD and Level 3 support needs don't have. But he also has a diagnosis of RAD, which complicates everything, and causes behavior to be more variable.

That kid does not look RAD. She was not attached to him which will impact his attachment. The kid is walking, signing and doing more. That is not severe ASD. And, look at early videos you can see something is going on. He needs a high level of therapies, would be better off in school with therapies vs. homeschooling by an untrained mom with 4-5 other kids and needs lots of 1-1 attention which she couldn't provide with that many kids and her business. He will always probably need skilled care but there is a lot of potential in him.

It was clear he had a birth injury or in utero and a tumor. She was told of all this. This isn't just ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Violent and aggressive? Wasn't he just 3?

Lots of toddlers are 'violent and aggressive'. Especially when they struggle with communication and sensory issues.

We aren't talking an angry 13 year old beating people up.

My 3 year old was very aggressive - choking other kids, etc. If the aggression was towards the baby, definitely could have been dangerous. That said, it's still the Stauffer's fault for adopting when they were not equipped for it. Aggression is pretty common with kids with all kinds of different special needs (or even "just" RAD from adoption and a history of neglect).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Violent and aggressive? Wasn't he just 3?

Lots of toddlers are 'violent and aggressive'. Especially when they struggle with communication and sensory issues.

We aren't talking an angry 13 year old beating people up.

He’s 5.

He is turning 5. They should him having a meltdown, and it looked no different than any other 4 year old meltdown but he didn't speak english coming here, had no sign language and they had unrealistic expectations. She was downright mean to him in the video given his needs.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, and she has gone on to complain about what a difficult baby little Onyx is, too. I wonder if the older ones will start to worry about the baby being "rehomed".

A lot of moms complain when they have difficult babies....

A lot of moms don’t give their kids away....

He was not a baby. Most moms complain, but you don't complain on video/online where the child and your other kids and their friends and families can hear it all. Imagine what that would do to a child. This kid will go online one day and read all about this. Imagine how that will impact him after all the trauma he's had.

I’m sorry but no, he won’t go online one day and read all this. He has severe special needs and can’t even talk. He will never go and read about himself online.

He may be more there than people realize.

Ehhh, I don’t think so unfortunately. Never heard him talk in any videos on YouTube or IG. He’s four but seems to have the mindset of a 1 year old. I just don’t ever see him being a “normal kid”.

I know several kids including mine who did not talk till after four.

Did they have strokes in the womb and neuro specialists looking at their brain scans advising they would never take this on themselves and that issues would likely be lifelong? Because this child had that. Doesn't justify the parent's actions, but when you have specialists looking at neurological activity and saying, "I wouldn't..." that doesn't bode well normally.

What doctor is going to blab out to the parent of a child that they should give the child away rather than treat the child? It's not even a believable statement, it sounds like an excuse to support their choice to giving him away.

Not giving away a child, but that this was well known prior to adoption and the adoptive parents accepted this risk, against medical advice. And here they are...

They are giving him away. What else do you want to call it? You want to make it sound nice... we're putting him up for adoption? They aren't even doing a legal adoption.

How do you know that? I thought I heard that they used their adoption agency for the placement in the new home, which almost certainly means that it is a legal adoption.

that's not how termination of parental rights works. you can't just voluntarily sign your kid over to another family. the courts have to be involved.

Actually you don't need to TPR. You can give your kid to anyone and just sign a POA. For a TPR, the parents/birth parents just sign at the attorney or agency office and then it is filed in the court. But, yes, you can do it without the courts it just will not be legal. I know a family who did this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of posters on the SN forum whose kids have violent out bursts. Not one has ever said that a professional told them to voluntarily give up parental rights and rehome a child.
That said, the child is clearly better off in a different home. Unclear if he also would have been better off just staying in foster care in China.
The whole duct tape on thumb thing in itself is so bizarre. I can’t believe any sane person would do that to any child of that age, much less one with a sensory seeking disability and one who had been recently moved to a new family in a new country. There’s just so much wrong here.

It's totally abusive and so wrong to do that! She singled Huxley out and duct taped his hands when her other 2 kids also suck their thumbs and didn't receive the same punishment. She obviously adopted him strictly for content, and when she realized it would actually require parental effort, she bailed.

Actually there was a whole post about how his doctor recommended it. Don’t be so quick to judge when you don’t know all the details.

No doctor would recommend duct taping the hands of a child with special needs to stop sucking their thumb. For one thing, it's self soothing. No caring, educated person would want to take that away from a child like Huxley. Of course there is a whole post about it. There has to be to justify her abusive behaviors towards him. I don't believe anything she says because her entire life is fabricated.

It actually is a thing. I know someone who did this to their autistic 7 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Stauffer’s relinquished custody of Huxley. How is it that videos of Huxley are still allowed to stay on their channel; putting more money in the pockets of this family.

Because it is their video feed. Who is going to make them take it down?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:While I think the money making aspect is atrocious, if a child is unwanted, the upheaval of the move wil be less damaging in the long run then being raised by a family who doesn't love you or want you. Not that being abandoned won't cause issues but better to deal with those in a home with love and patience.

I use to work in child mental health with kids with serious issues and there were some kids who would have done much much better in a different home. Some parents are able to rise to the challenge and still be loving and invested parents, others are not. However when they are bio kids, there aren't a lot of choices.

It is worse for him to stay in a house where he was clearly unwanted. There is advised she shot in the fall wher her daughter is talking to her and has her hand in her mom. Huxley goes over and inserts himself in between them. The mom comments that Huxley doesn't like it when any of the other kids hug or touch her. She says he wants to be the only one. I think what they did was awful but it is so much better they did it when Huxley is still young and adorable.

That alone is not RAD. A RAD child would not want to be touched/hugged. He is much better off with another family but that's not the point at all.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:https://www.instagram.com/mykastaufferfan/

Having spent my career working with kids on the spectrum, just from these clips alone he is not Level 3. I have looked at their other clips with him from when they adopted him to the most recent and I don't see him digressing either. Many kids can see fine until they are 1 or 2 and then begin a progression into more severe behaviors like losing eye contact or gaining repetitive/restrictive behaviors. Even when disciplining him he makes very good eye contact. While non verbal he can clearly communicate.

He is clearly a kid who is special needs but definitely not in the "severe" category from from all kids I have worked with. That said, THEY are not a good fit for him so it is best that he be taken away from them -- which is most likely what the professionals made happen. If you have a family unwilling to help a child (and it is a ton of work) then the one who suffers is the child. He deserves a bright future which this family was not going to provide for him.

It's good to hear a pro chime in on this. I agree that it is good that this boy is being placed elsewhere. These people never should have gotten him in the first place.

I’ve also worked in early childhood special Ed and wouldn’t make any calls based on videos. I have taught many lovey, sweet, intelligent children who also have severe, uncontrollable meltdowns. They type that injure other kids and adults and can last for hours. I’m neutral on this whole situation because there is no way to know how bad it was. Maybe they weren’t a good family for him, maybe it’s much deeper.

I am the PP you quoted and I agree with you. I am actually neutral on his meltdowns since those are the things which are unpredictable and pushes most parents to the edge. Those can't be judge by the quick clips she posts of his meltdowns. I was more speaking to a Level 3 diagnosis which they say he has. That I don't see. A level 3 isn't something that you can't see in videos. It is always there. Definitely delayed and non verbal (at this time). And his delays may never get better, that is why I said he is better off with a different family. This family is not going to give him what he needs. He needs a family which is 100% in it for him. That isn't this one.

Yikes on my double negative sentence. What I was trying to say is that level 3 kids, who are severe, always show signs of it. That isn't something that they can sometimes have the behaviors and sometimes not have the behaviors in videos. The videos of him and now I have watched many, have long clips where he is not showing any level 3 type spectrum issues. When she is talking to him he is making great eye contact. His movement are purposeful. His signs are clear and when she is speaking he isn't distracted. Well other than what a normal toddler would find distracting.

Levels for ASD don't refer to the severity of the autistic symptoms, they refer to the level of support that the individual needs, and they aren't meant as a permanent diagnosis, they are meant as a snapshot in time. In kids with comorbidities, that can be really confusing. For example, I have a friend with a child who had a neurological injury, and has CP, vision impairments, ID and ASD. Her ASD isn't "severe" but because of the combination of disabilities her support needs are very high.

Yes, I agree with you that on the video this kid has demonstrated some skills that kids who have a sole diagnosis of ASD and Level 3 support needs don't have. But he also has a diagnosis of RAD, which complicates everything, and causes behavior to be more variable.

That kid does not look RAD. She was not attached to him which will impact his attachment. The kid is walking, signing and doing more. That is not severe ASD. And, look at early videos you can see something is going on. He needs a high level of therapies, would be better off in school with therapies vs. homeschooling by an untrained mom with 4-5 other kids and needs lots of 1-1 attention which she couldn't provide with that many kids and her business. He will always probably need skilled care but there is a lot of potential in him.

It was clear he had a birth injury or in utero and a tumor. She was told of all this. This isn't just ASD.

There is only so much you can get from a 15 minute YouTube video or 30 second IG clip. I’m sure a lot more went on behind the scenes and she didn’t film this bad aggression or temper tantrums (or the other kids ones), which is good that she didn’t. Because who posts videos of their kids like that?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, and she has gone on to complain about what a difficult baby little Onyx is, too. I wonder if the older ones will start to worry about the baby being "rehomed".

A lot of moms complain when they have difficult babies....

A lot of moms don’t give their kids away....

He was not a baby. Most moms complain, but you don't complain on video/online where the child and your other kids and their friends and families can hear it all. Imagine what that would do to a child. This kid will go online one day and read all about this. Imagine how that will impact him after all the trauma he's had.

I’m sorry but no, he won’t go online one day and read all this. He has severe special needs and can’t even talk. He will never go and read about himself online.

Termination of parents rights - you are confusing an action that CPS takes on behalf of the state vs this couple who choose to place their child via a legal private adoption. When they do this, yes they are no longer the legal parent of the child.

He may be more there than people realize.

Ehhh, I don’t think so unfortunately. Never heard him talk in any videos on YouTube or IG. He’s four but seems to have the mindset of a 1 year old. I just don’t ever see him being a “normal kid”.

I know several kids including mine who did not talk till after four.

Did they have strokes in the womb and neuro specialists looking at their brain scans advising they would never take this on themselves and that issues would likely be lifelong? Because this child had that. Doesn't justify the parent's actions, but when you have specialists looking at neurological activity and saying, "I wouldn't..." that doesn't bode well normally.

What doctor is going to blab out to the parent of a child that they should give the child away rather than treat the child? It's not even a believable statement, it sounds like an excuse to support their choice to giving him away.

Not giving away a child, but that this was well known prior to adoption and the adoptive parents accepted this risk, against medical advice. And here they are...

They are giving him away. What else do you want to call it? You want to make it sound nice... we're putting him up for adoption? They aren't even doing a legal adoption.

How do you know that? I thought I heard that they used their adoption agency for the placement in the new home, which almost certainly means that it is a legal adoption.

that's not how termination of parental rights works. you can't just voluntarily sign your kid over to another family. the courts have to be involved.

Right, of course the courts would be involved, but an adoption agency is going to insist on that, and facilitate that, if they are involved in the placement. There is no way that an agency that wants to stay in business, and stay Hague accredited, is going to do a mixture of legal adoptions, and shady "rehomings".

Plenty of adoption agencies do shady adoptions. There is very little accountability in the adoption world and things have been shady for many many years. It sounds like they did it in an appropriate way and there will be another adoption but the family can just sign over POA and that would be enough for school and medical care.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, and she has gone on to complain about what a difficult baby little Onyx is, too. I wonder if the older ones will start to worry about the baby being "rehomed".

A lot of moms complain when they have difficult babies....

A lot of moms don’t give their kids away....

He was not a baby. Most moms complain, but you don't complain on video/online where the child and your other kids and their friends and families can hear it all. Imagine what that would do to a child. This kid will go online one day and read all about this. Imagine how that will impact him after all the trauma he's had.

I’m sorry but no, he won’t go online one day and read all this. He has severe special needs and can’t even talk. He will never go and read about himself online.

He may be more there than people realize.

Ehhh, I don’t think so unfortunately. Never heard him talk in any videos on YouTube or IG. He’s four but seems to have the mindset of a 1 year old. I just don’t ever see him being a “normal kid”.

I know several kids including mine who did not talk till after four.

Did they have strokes in the womb and neuro specialists looking at their brain scans advising they would never take this on themselves and that issues would likely be lifelong? Because this child had that. Doesn't justify the parent's actions, but when you have specialists looking at neurological activity and saying, "I wouldn't..." that doesn't bode well normally.

What doctor is going to blab out to the parent of a child that they should give the child away rather than treat the child? It's not even a believable statement, it sounds like an excuse to support their choice to giving him away.

Not giving away a child, but that this was well known prior to adoption and the adoptive parents accepted this risk, against medical advice. And here they are...

They are giving him away. What else do you want to call it? You want to make it sound nice... we're putting him up for adoption? They aren't even doing a legal adoption.

How do you know that? I thought I heard that they used their adoption agency for the placement in the new home, which almost certainly means that it is a legal adoption.

I hope that their legal fees are astronomical and that these two awful people will be forced to spend as much of their waking life as possible working 3 jobs. May caring, nice people surround their children and guide them through life.

The new adoptive family pays the legal fees. They walk away, new family pays everything and its a 5 minute court hearing and done.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, and she has gone on to complain about what a difficult baby little Onyx is, too. I wonder if the older ones will start to worry about the baby being "rehomed".

A lot of moms complain when they have difficult babies....

A lot of moms don’t give their kids away....

He was not a baby. Most moms complain, but you don't complain on video/online where the child and your other kids and their friends and families can hear it all. Imagine what that would do to a child. This kid will go online one day and read all about this. Imagine how that will impact him after all the trauma he's had.

I’m sorry but no, he won’t go online one day and read all this. He has severe special needs and can’t even talk. He will never go and read about himself online.

He may be more there than people realize.

Ehhh, I don’t think so unfortunately. Never heard him talk in any videos on YouTube or IG. He’s four but seems to have the mindset of a 1 year old. I just don’t ever see him being a “normal kid”.

I know several kids including mine who did not talk till after four.

Did they have strokes in the womb and neuro specialists looking at their brain scans advising they would never take this on themselves and that issues would likely be lifelong? Because this child had that. Doesn't justify the parent's actions, but when you have specialists looking at neurological activity and saying, "I wouldn't..." that doesn't bode well normally.

What doctor is going to blab out to the parent of a child that they should give the child away rather than treat the child? It's not even a believable statement, it sounds like an excuse to support their choice to giving him away.

Not giving away a child, but that this was well known prior to adoption and the adoptive parents accepted this risk, against medical advice. And here they are...

They are giving him away. What else do you want to call it? You want to make it sound nice... we're putting him up for adoption? They aren't even doing a legal adoption.

How do you know that? I thought I heard that they used their adoption agency for the placement in the new home, which almost certainly means that it is a legal adoption.

I hope that their legal fees are astronomical and that these two awful people will be forced to spend as much of their waking life as possible working 3 jobs. May caring, nice people surround their children and guide them through life.

The new adoptive family pays the legal fees. They walk away, new family pays everything and its a 5 minute court hearing and done.

They have a lawyer threatening people on social media. Who knows how long they’ll retain him to clean up their mess.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, and she has gone on to complain about what a difficult baby little Onyx is, too. I wonder if the older ones will start to worry about the baby being "rehomed".

A lot of moms complain when they have difficult babies....

A lot of moms don’t give their kids away....

He was not a baby. Most moms complain, but you don't complain on video/online where the child and your other kids and their friends and families can hear it all. Imagine what that would do to a child. This kid will go online one day and read all about this. Imagine how that will impact him after all the trauma he's had.

I’m sorry but no, he won’t go online one day and read all this. He has severe special needs and can’t even talk. He will never go and read about himself online.

Termination of parents rights - you are confusing an action that CPS takes on behalf of the state vs this couple who choose to place their child via a legal private adoption. When they do this, yes they are no longer the legal parent of the child.

He may be more there than people realize.

Ehhh, I don’t think so unfortunately. Never heard him talk in any videos on YouTube or IG. He’s four but seems to have the mindset of a 1 year old. I just don’t ever see him being a “normal kid”.

I know several kids including mine who did not talk till after four.

Did they have strokes in the womb and neuro specialists looking at their brain scans advising they would never take this on themselves and that issues would likely be lifelong? Because this child had that. Doesn't justify the parent's actions, but when you have specialists looking at neurological activity and saying, "I wouldn't..." that doesn't bode well normally.

What doctor is going to blab out to the parent of a child that they should give the child away rather than treat the child? It's not even a believable statement, it sounds like an excuse to support their choice to giving him away.

Not giving away a child, but that this was well known prior to adoption and the adoptive parents accepted this risk, against medical advice. And here they are...

They are giving him away. What else do you want to call it? You want to make it sound nice... we're putting him up for adoption? They aren't even doing a legal adoption.

How do you know that? I thought I heard that they used their adoption agency for the placement in the new home, which almost certainly means that it is a legal adoption.

that's not how termination of parental rights works. you can't just voluntarily sign your kid over to another family. the courts have to be involved.

Right, of course the courts would be involved, but an adoption agency is going to insist on that, and facilitate that, if they are involved in the placement. There is no way that an agency that wants to stay in business, and stay Hague accredited, is going to do a mixture of legal adoptions, and shady "rehomings".

Plenty of adoption agencies do shady adoptions. There is very little accountability in the adoption world and things have been shady for many many years. It sounds like they did it in an appropriate way and there will be another adoption but the family can just sign over POA and that would be enough for school and medical care.

I'm the PP, and yes I agree that agencies do shady adoptions, but they don't generally do shady POA transfers. That's not an agency thing. Especially not in a highly visible case.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh, and she has gone on to complain about what a difficult baby little Onyx is, too. I wonder if the older ones will start to worry about the baby being "rehomed".

A lot of moms complain when they have difficult babies....

A lot of moms don’t give their kids away....

He was not a baby. Most moms complain, but you don't complain on video/online where the child and your other kids and their friends and families can hear it all. Imagine what that would do to a child. This kid will go online one day and read all about this. Imagine how that will impact him after all the trauma he's had.

I’m sorry but no, he won’t go online one day and read all this. He has severe special needs and can’t even talk. He will never go and read about himself online.

He may be more there than people realize.

Ehhh, I don’t think so unfortunately. Never heard him talk in any videos on YouTube or IG. He’s four but seems to have the mindset of a 1 year old. I just don’t ever see him being a “normal kid”.

I know several kids including mine who did not talk till after four.

Did they have strokes in the womb and neuro specialists looking at their brain scans advising they would never take this on themselves and that issues would likely be lifelong? Because this child had that. Doesn't justify the parent's actions, but when you have specialists looking at neurological activity and saying, "I wouldn't..." that doesn't bode well normally.

What doctor is going to blab out to the parent of a child that they should give the child away rather than treat the child? It's not even a believable statement, it sounds like an excuse to support their choice to giving him away.

Not giving away a child, but that this was well known prior to adoption and the adoptive parents accepted this risk, against medical advice. And here they are...

They are giving him away. What else do you want to call it? You want to make it sound nice... we're putting him up for adoption? They aren't even doing a legal adoption.

How do you know that? I thought I heard that they used their adoption agency for the placement in the new home, which almost certainly means that it is a legal adoption.

I hope that their legal fees are astronomical and that these two awful people will be forced to spend as much of their waking life as possible working 3 jobs. May caring, nice people surround their children and guide them through life.

The new adoptive family pays the legal fees. They walk away, new family pays everything and its a 5 minute court hearing and done.

They have a lawyer threatening people on social media. Who knows how long they’ll retain him to clean up their mess.

Lmao no they don’t. He “threatened” one crazy person who made a whole IG to post about the family. Try again.