I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one can force any pregnant teenager into either. But OP does have a significant amount of leverage in terms of what she is willing (or unwilling) to provide in terms of financial support.

Anyone who leverages a teen into an abortion they don't want by saying they will cut off financial / emotional support is a pretty awful human being, on top of being a terrible parent.

NOPE. You are incorrect.

And not your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one can force any pregnant teenager into either. But OP does have a significant amount of leverage in terms of what she is willing (or unwilling) to provide in terms of financial support.

Anyone who leverages a teen into an abortion they don't want by saying they will cut off financial / emotional support is a pretty awful human being, on top of being a terrible parent.

NOPE. You are incorrect.

And not your business.

Threatening to cut off emotional support and financial support unless you a) adopt, b) abort, or c) keep the child. All of them are terrible to do. Saying you will do what I want not what you want if you want my love and support is very manipulative and cruel.

Op can say what her boundaries and limits are in terms of what she is capable of offering in terms of support for sure. There are lots of people who dump their kids at 18 for being pregnant or being gay or for a new partner. Lots of parents don't feel any need to provide support after 18 and that is a boundary they can draw but to use that support as leverage is just so wrong.

[Anonymous]

No one is suggesting that a parent use emotional support as leverage. Financial support, however, is a whole other story. OP stating what her boundaries and limits are is, in and of itself, a form of leverage. People are talking about leverage as though it is a bad thing. It isn't. OP wants her DD to make a responsible life choice. OP does not believe that her DD has the capacity at this point in her life to parent a child. Nor does OP want to take on the responsibility of parenting an infant. So OP stating clearly what her boundaries are in terms of finances and time commitment---and being willing to stand by those boundaries---will force her DD to face reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who became pregnant senior year of highschool. She is in her 40s now and extremely succesful. I'm not sure if she went to college, but she has her own company, and I've seen her featured in magazines for how successful her business is. Her daughter is going to college soon or may already be in college, she seems extremely well adjusted.
So just remember that no matter what, it can and will work out according to God's plan. Support her, though if I were in your shoes I would be devastated too.

Oh, please! Just cut the crap out, already. God's plan, my ass.

[Anonymous]

As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

OPs daughter, and no one, is a brood mare to provide children for the infertile. So stop. That people would like/need a baby is entirely irrelevant.

And, even if they went this route, you cannot guarantee that the adoptive home would be loving, stable, etc.

I agree with the last PP. Also, I am the child of an adopted parent. My parent’s experience was terrible with long lasting repercussions of depression and mental illness. You simply never know how things will turn out.

NP here. I'm an adult adoptee and just fine; no mental illness or issues in my life. No, you don't know how things will turn out, for biological and adopted children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

I’m an adopted person. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe that abortion is the right choice in certain situations, including one I was in a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

If you can't state an opinion or provide perspective without this much of an emotional reaction you might be well to consider therapy. Give your perspective if you think it will help, but without judgement. If you become emotional or worked up and defensive/reactive at even the thought of giving your response you are likely experiencing trauma, and yes, outletting your emotions here is unlikely to help the OP.

If you need to cry out about the atrocity of 'you could've been aborted' and feel fear of that, or whatever other intense emotion you have, start your own thread. I'm sure there are many people glad you are here. There are many people in different lives than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who became pregnant senior year of highschool. She is in her 40s now and extremely succesful. I'm not sure if she went to college, but she has her own company, and I've seen her featured in magazines for how successful her business is. Her daughter is going to college soon or may already be in college, she seems extremely well adjusted.
So just remember that no matter what, it can and will work out according to God's plan. Support her, though if I were in your shoes I would be devastated too.

Yeah, and I know a girl who got pregnant at 16, dropped out of high school, was dumped by the boyfriend, lived with her mom (parents divorced), went on welfare, married a couple of loser boyfriends, one of whom beat up her child, and is now looking to become a grandmother at 33. God's plan.

+1

I am a high school teacher and know dozens of teen moms who never went to college, some didn't graduate high school, and struggle. Anecdotes are one thing but there is definitely data showing that early pregnancy correlates to financial struggles in life (I'm too lazy to look up the data).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.