Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never known anyone, ever, whose daycare wasn't "the best," whose nanny/sitter/Au pair wasn't amazing and also "the best."

Our first daycare was awesome, we really lucked out. We were in a high unemployment rate area, so the daycares were not crowded at all. My kid was one of three infants in that daycare. The second one, a nanny, I hated. We fired her, found a really nice in-home daycare. Loved that one. Finally, for pre-school, we were so-so on it but she loved her friends there and so we stayed. She's in elementary school now and doing very well.

Does that satisfy you? No? I didn't think so. Until someone comes on here and cries, "MEA CULPA. I AM THE WORST PARENT EVER FOR WORKING DURING MY CHILD'S INFANT YEARS, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF" people like you won't be satisfied. Which is interesting to me, the amount of effort people are putting in on this thread specifically to make people feel bad and that they've damaged their children. You are all sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

I'll bite.

Yes! He was probably better off because he spent a chunk of the day being cared for by someone experienced, rested, and not wracked by postpartum hormones. I loved the hell out of that kid, but no way was I as good a baby-nurse as some of those women during the first year. He had awesome caregivers who knew what the heck they were doing and didn't freak out over every hiccup.

One woman raising a child at home in isolation is a recent and deeply unnatural development. It's always taken a village.

I so agree with this! I don't understand why some people promote the idea of mom as caregiver 24/7 -- some PPs have even proposed that a father cannot provide the level of care that a mother can. It seems like some women get their entire self worth from being a mommy martyr (obviously plenty of SAHMs are not this way). But some make it a competition of who can spend the most time at home caring for their child.

Bonding with your baby is important and ideally we would all get 6 months or so of maternity leave, but that's obviously not possible for everyone. Once a good bond is established, then let your kids experience the world and allow others help care for them. I don't know if there has ever been another time in history when women were expected to provide childcare to the exclusion of contributing to other societal activities.

I was raised by a SAHM and remember finally being so excited to finally go to preschool and get to be around other kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

I went back to work when my baby was four and a half months old. We got a nanny rather than daycare. I believe she's better off with a nanny all day than with me. I don't like babies. My nanny does. I think they should be around someone who is super happy to be around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never known anyone, ever, whose daycare wasn't "the best," whose nanny/sitter/Au pair wasn't amazing and also "the best."

Our first daycare was awesome, we really lucked out. We were in a high unemployment rate area, so the daycares were not crowded at all. My kid was one of three infants in that daycare. The second one, a nanny, I hated. We fired her, found a really nice in-home daycare. Loved that one. Finally, for pre-school, we were so-so on it but she loved her friends there and so we stayed. She's in elementary school now and doing very well.

Does that satisfy you? No? I didn't think so. Until someone comes on here and cries, "MEA CULPA. I AM THE WORST PARENT EVER FOR WORKING DURING MY CHILD'S INFANT YEARS, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF" people like you won't be satisfied. Which is interesting to me, the amount of effort people are putting in on this thread specifically to make people feel bad and that they've damaged their children. You are all sick.

It's so strange how someone can't just be happy in their choice of how to raise their children. The PP clearly needs to convince herself that she wins at motherhood and the rest of us are doing it wrong because we can't possibly have careers and quality childcare. Yay for her! We can declare the mommy wars over -- 20 years from now society will be ruled by the children of SAHMs and the children who spent time in daycare will all be flipping burgers or in mental institutions because of the mental illness caused by working moms! Just you wait and see ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never known anyone, ever, whose daycare wasn't "the best," whose nanny/sitter/Au pair wasn't amazing and also "the best."

While anyone who reads DCUM knows there are lots of mothers who are clueless, neurotic, or unprepared to take care of an infant--they start new threads every day. Good thing there are high quality day cares!

Which daycare do you feel is high quality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never known anyone, ever, whose daycare wasn't "the best," whose nanny/sitter/Au pair wasn't amazing and also "the best."

While anyone who reads DCUM knows there are lots of mothers who are clueless, neurotic, or unprepared to take care of an infant--they start new threads every day. Good thing there are high quality day cares!

Which daycare do you feel is high quality?

My kids were in a family daycare in Arlington. The owner was retired, had hAd a professional career herself (she has an MBA) and knew that there would be demand for high-quality care. She got all the necessary training and certification (in addition to her own experience as a mother). Her assistants have all raised their own children as well and now do this.

[Anonymous]

Any high quality daycare centers for babies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any high quality daycare centers for babies?

I was 18:58 above. Both my kids went there from 12 weeks to 2 years. They are in middle school now and doing great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is hilarious. If someone had told me a week ago that there are actually a substantial number of SAHMs who think I love my kid less than they do because I work full time, I would have called her insane and told her that there's no way so many people are that judgmental and sanctimonious. I guess you really do learn something new every day!

And if you think the most aggressive PPs on this thread represent the opinions of e substantial number of either SAHM or WOHMS, either you aren't very intelligent or you need a little DCUM break.

Gotta agree. IRL, people just aren't this rabid either way. At least, I don't know anyone who is, whether WOHM or SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is hilarious. If someone had told me a week ago that there are actually a substantial number of SAHMs who think I love my kid less than they do because I work full time, I would have called her insane and told her that there's no way so many people are that judgmental and sanctimonious. I guess you really do learn something new every day!

Haha I know, al the SAHMs I know are not like this, guess they are just hanging out in here. I don't think the haiku nanny even has kids herself but feels equipped to judge all working parents.

I don't think it's a substantial amount who really think that.

Ahem... have you conveniently forgotten about all the judgmental WOHMs here on DCUM who think SAHMs are "stupid and useless"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any high quality daycare centers for babies?

I was 18:58 above. Both my kids went there from 12 weeks to 2 years. They are in middle school now and doing great.

Thank you, but I'm hoping someone could name a daycare center that's a good place for a baby. Anybody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish there could be an actual experiment done with 1000 kids. 500 have parents who give them into day are 8-10 hrs a day, starting at 6 months all the way through childhood. 500 of them have one parent who stays home age 0-3 and then is home at least from 2pm on throughout their childhood. Then ask those kids how many of them felt their parents spent enough time with them during childhood.

How a child turns out at the end, if they are successful, emotionally okay etc. is not all it is about. Sure a child can spend 8 hrs/day in daycare and still turn out successful, independent and overall fine...but if that was your child and your child told you at 18 or 30 that he/she always felt neither Mom nor Dad were ever really there - don't tell me that wouldn't bother you.

I'm actually one of those kids who was in daycare a lot as a child. I remember having to go to before and after school care every day, when all I wanted to do was sleep in a bit in the morning and come straight home after school to see my mom. But that never happened, and yes, I do feel resentful about it. My mom and I have had a strained relationship as I grew up and became an adult, and I've told her how much I wish she would have spent more time with me growing up. She doesn't like to hear it, but it's the truth. I'm currently staying home with my toddler and plan to continue if we have more children as well. I just want them to feel more secure than I did growing up. It may not be pleasant to hear, but it's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is hilarious. If someone had told me a week ago that there are actually a substantial number of SAHMs who think I love my kid less than they do because I work full time, I would have called her insane and told her that there's no way so many people are that judgmental and sanctimonious. I guess you really do learn something new every day!

Haha I know, al the SAHMs I know are not like this, guess they are just hanging out in here. I don't think the haiku nanny even has kids herself but feels equipped to judge all working parents.

I don't think it's a substantial amount who really think that.

Ahem... have you conveniently forgotten about all the judgmental WOHMs here on DCUM who think SAHMs are "stupid and useless"?

They might be major bitches, but I don't doubt that they love their kids. They just have a different situation/priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any high quality daycare centers for babies?

I was 18:58 above. Both my kids went there from 12 weeks to 2 years. They are in middle school now and doing great.

Thank you, but I'm hoping someone could name a daycare center that's a good place for a baby. Anybody?

Funshine preschool on Columbia Pike in Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I would do anything and everything necessary to be with my kids during the early years. At least from 1-3. Daycare can kick in at 3. And yes, I have done it all: moved to a cheaper area, worked from home, cut expenses etc. etc. Being with my kids absolutely trumps making money. As long as we have enough we have enough. Love, care and time over all are important to a child's early development...being able to afford nice clothes, toys, vacations, camps etc. is not as important to a child's emotional well-being as is being with Mom.

I would never leave an infant in daycare. Never. I would never leave an under 2 year old in daycare. Never. I do judge people who leave their under 2s in daycare because there ALWAYS are other ways. We got by on very little money for a very long time because we changed our priorities. It's not a bad life - just different. So nobody can tell me "I HAD TO leave my 6 months old at daycare 8 hours a day because I HAD TO work." No. You just didn't look hard enough for other options.

You are really going to struggle if you ever start spending a lot of time with older children and teenagers and see how little SAHM parenting before age three has to do with their emotional health and well-being.

I stayed home for that period myself but I don't think it provided some magical properties.

Perhaps you didn't engage during those critical foundational years. There's no magic. You need to know what you're doing.

We get it. You use the term critical foundation years over and over - we know it's you, again and again. Babies are best cared for by a loving, kind, stable caregiver. None of those words could ever describe you. And youll raise a nasty daughter who will look for a man to be her plan and her MIL will hate her, as your DILs will hate you if you have boys. You're just an ugly, ugly person.

Not the PP, but it's sounding like you'll raise your daughter to think being a SAHM is not an option because that would be "looking for a man to be her plan," or some such nonsense. I think you're just as biased about SAHMs as the PP is about WOHMs.