Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is hilarious. If someone had told me a week ago that there are actually a substantial number of SAHMs who think I love my kid less than they do because I work full time, I would have called her insane and told her that there's no way so many people are that judgmental and sanctimonious. I guess you really do learn something new every day!

And if you think the most aggressive PPs on this thread represent the opinions of e substantial number of either SAHM or WOHMS, either you aren't very intelligent or you need a little DCUM break.

Ha! Since you brought it up, I guarantee I could wipe the floor with you on the intelligence front. But yes, you're right, I do need a DCUM break. Have fun with this ridiculous thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

I answered up above already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

Yes. I'm the prof from above. I think that LONG TERM my child, my family, my students, my discipline, and I are all much better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

Yes. I'm the prof from above. I think that LONG TERM my child, my family, my students, my discipline, and I are all much better off.

Which person did the baby/child care for you, and for how long before the next person came along to that role?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

New poster - yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

See, I've had exactly the opposite thought. When the daughters of all gheae these WOHMs grow up, they're not even going to consider SAH with their kids because their mothers will have ingrained in them, from Day 1, that successful women simply don't stay home with their kids. Instead, they pay other women (lesser beings, in their books), to do the actual childcare. And that is so sad, that these women will never have the support of their own mothers to raise their kids the way they choose, if that way includes staying home with them.

As a SAHM, I'm planning on supporting my daughter in any way I can, whether she chooses to be a WOHM or a SAHM, or any combination of the two. But I'll absolutely be teaching (and showing) her the value and importance of having a SAHP.

What a weird thing to say. Why would you think that? So suddenly WOHMs aren't capable of supporting their children's decisions as much as SAHMs are?

Also, be careful what you say around your kids now about other working parents. My mom was a SAHM and absolutely supported my sisters and I in our endeavors- encouraged us to do well in school, go to college, be whatever we wanted to be. But she could also be critical about my friends' parents who worked, and she would say so around us. Now I'm a working mom, and she's never criticized me to my face about it, but do you think I don't remember what she used to say and wonder if she silently disapproves?

And why does your mother have to approve of the way you raise your kids? She's an adult, she has a right to her own point of view. So do you. If you disagree, you disagree. She's not required to agree with your every decision as a parent just because she's your mother. As long as she doesn't openly criticize you and tell you what you should be doing she is doing exactly the right thing. We all try to raise our children a certain way, engrain certain values in them etc. - your Mom thought it was important you know she believes it's best for kids to have their mother around. That's not a bad thing. It's not what you are living today but that doesn't mean your Mom was wrong. It also doesn't mean she was right. It just means that is her value and she wanted her kids to know that. Which is exactly what you are doing now by being a working Mom you are teaching YOUR kids that that is okay.

Oh, I don't seek approval from my mom on everything I do- far from it. I just think that while it's great to tell your kids that you support their choices, it's also important to demonstrate through your own actions that you respect the choices and beliefs of others though they may differ from your own. Frankly, for all of my mom's great qualities, she can be a very critical, negative person- working moms were hardly her only target. Her mom (my grandmother) can be the same way, and I catch myself falling into that trap sometimes myself and have to be careful. However, I'm fairly laid-back by nature and didn't take a lot of her comments too seriously, my sister on the other hand "jokes" that she needs therapy because of her relationship with my mother- she's much more sensitive, lived with my parents throughout college, and still lives in our hometown. They are close but have a rather complicated relationship. Anyway, I didn't mean to turn this into an assessment of my mom- more to say that we are influenced by our mothers more than we might realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

I'll bite.

Yes! He was probably better off because he spent a chunk of the day being cared for by someone experienced, rested, and not wracked by postpartum hormones. I loved the hell out of that kid, but no way was I as good a baby-nurse as some of those women during the first year. He had awesome caregivers who knew what the heck they were doing and didn't freak out over every hiccup.

One woman raising a child at home in isolation is a recent and deeply unnatural development. It's always taken a village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

I'll bite.

Yes! He was probably better off because he spent a chunk of the day being cared for by someone experienced, rested, and not wracked by postpartum hormones. I loved the hell out of that kid, but no way was I as good a baby-nurse as some of those women during the first year. He had awesome caregivers who knew what the heck they were doing and didn't freak out over every hiccup.

One woman raising a child at home in isolation is a recent and deeply unnatural development. It's always taken a village.

I love that your child had awesome caregivers. Few babies are so fortunate, based on what I see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

I'll bite.

Yes! He was probably better off because he spent a chunk of the day being cared for by someone experienced, rested, and not wracked by postpartum hormones. I loved the hell out of that kid, but no way was I as good a baby-nurse as some of those women during the first year. He had awesome caregivers who knew what the heck they were doing and didn't freak out over every hiccup.

One woman raising a child at home in isolation is a recent and deeply unnatural development. It's always taken a village.

True, but I'm pretty sure you are supposed to be part of that village. Seeing your baby from 6-7:30 each evening and for a couple of hours in the morning and on weekends makes you a very, very small part Village life compared to the people taking care of your kids full time. You are not really part of that village at all - more like a visitor from a neighboring village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

I'll bite.

Yes! He was probably better off because he spent a chunk of the day being cared for by someone experienced, rested, and not wracked by postpartum hormones. I loved the hell out of that kid, but no way was I as good a baby-nurse as some of those women during the first year. He had awesome caregivers who knew what the heck they were doing and didn't freak out over every hiccup.

One woman raising a child at home in isolation is a recent and deeply unnatural development. It's always taken a village.

True, but I'm pretty sure you are supposed to be part of that village. Seeing your baby from 6-7:30 each evening and for a couple of hours in the morning and on weekends makes you a very, very small part Village life compared to the people taking care of your kids full time. You are not really part of that village at all - more like a visitor from a neighboring village.

Oh, what complete bullshit.

There are 168 hours in the week. Our son was with his parents for 123 of them, or 73%.

I don't know why you need so much to believe that WOHMs are damaging their children, but it's really sad.

[Anonymous]

I have never known anyone, ever, whose daycare wasn't "the best," whose nanny/sitter/Au pair wasn't amazing and also "the best."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never known anyone, ever, whose daycare wasn't "the best," whose nanny/sitter/Au pair wasn't amazing and also "the best."

Is it really so hard for you to believe that the plurality of people keep looking until they find a caregiver they believe is good?

I also love my GP, my dentist, and my auto mechanic. I kept looking until I found good ones. Why would I do less for childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd like the Moms here who went back to work when their babies were 6 months or younger to tell me honestly: Do you think your child was just as well being in daycare compared to being with you?

Excellent question. Anyone?

I'll bite.

Yes! He was probably better off because he spent a chunk of the day being cared for by someone experienced, rested, and not wracked by postpartum hormones. I loved the hell out of that kid, but no way was I as good a baby-nurse as some of those women during the first year. He had awesome caregivers who knew what the heck they were doing and didn't freak out over every hiccup.

One woman raising a child at home in isolation is a recent and deeply unnatural development. It's always taken a village.

True, but I'm pretty sure you are supposed to be part of that village. Seeing your baby from 6-7:30 each evening and for a couple of hours in the morning and on weekends makes you a very, very small part Village life compared to the people taking care of your kids full time. You are not really part of that village at all - more like a visitor from a neighboring village.

Ha ha ha. I must have been doing it wrong! Didn't realize I could punch out at 7:30 pm--why did I do all those feedings every night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never known anyone, ever, whose daycare wasn't "the best," whose nanny/sitter/Au pair wasn't amazing and also "the best."

While anyone who reads DCUM knows there are lots of mothers who are clueless, neurotic, or unprepared to take care of an infant--they start new threads every day. Good thing there are high quality day cares!