Why are so many women here so angry with / resentful toward women who stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working mom here. Look, you ladies are getting pretty ridiculous if you REALLY can't think of ANYTHING interesting or productive to do with your time if you suddenly had the means to quit your jobs, like you won the lotto or inherited a bunch of money from some long lost relative. Come on. I understand why you might be annoyed by some of these posts but doubling down on this particular track is the height of absurdity.

It is no doubt fun to have plenty of money. Believe or not, many people are wealthy and work.

Well they usually work for themselves which is quite a bit different from having a boss or even working for the government. If you can't see that I don't know what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you actually believe that when we are all retired people are going to care about your career? Will you pass out your resume to the other retirees at the beach? I can't imagine being so limited and unengaging that I could declare a huge group of people " boring".

Only calling a particular subgroup of that group boring. Most sahs are busy wrangling infants and toddlers all day, not trying to fill six hours while their kids are at school.

[Anonymous]

I posted upstream to say our society needs to value child-rearing more and I'll say it again after some of the nonsense posted since.

I WOHM. I love my job and feel fortunate to have it. Now that my kids are school age I'm glad I didn't take time off. But when my kids were babies, I would have looooooved to have had more time at home with them before going back to work. Do I think they suffered any harm from being in daycare...no. I found caring providers I trusted. But it was hard as hell on me.

Once kids are about two or older, being in a group setting for at least part of the day is good for them. But it would be so great if the maternity leave policies in this country were better and gave parents...both parents...opportunities to be home with kids under two and then smoothly return to the work force. And for any parents that work at any time, we need to invest more in our childcare to make it a safe, wonderful place for all kids, not just kids whose parents have a good bit of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working mom here. Look, you ladies are getting pretty ridiculous if you REALLY can't think of ANYTHING interesting or productive to do with your time if you suddenly had the means to quit your jobs, like you won the lotto or inherited a bunch of money from some long lost relative. Come on. I understand why you might be annoyed by some of these posts but doubling down on this particular track is the height of absurdity.

It is no doubt fun to have plenty of money. Believe or not, many people are wealthy and work.

Well they usually work for themselves which is quite a bit different from having a boss or even working for the government. If you can't see that I don't know what to tell you. [/quote

Having six or seven unoccupied hours a day between school pick up and dropoff isn't the same as working for yourself either, to state the obvious.

I can tell you have never been a sah, your idealizing it.

[Anonymous]

I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

[Anonymous]

This is reverse sexism. Would you say this about a Stay at Home Dad? It is funny that you claim to be a feminist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is some jealous there. In the DC area, one partner has to be making a lot of money to enable the other to stay home and still maintain a nice lifestyle (nice house in a close in nabe, vacations, nice cars, pricey extracurricular activities for the kiddos, maybe private school, etc.)

To have an UMC lifestyle with a SAHP, the breadwinner has to be making 300-400k +.

On my end its less jealous and more...disbelief. I was raised to be independent and to own my own financials. When I went into my marriage I was comfortably set in a career and had two properties free-and-clear. That only helped when we made future decisions together to buy our 'dream' home. It boggles my mind that some women will rely solely on another person's generosity to live their life.

It disturbs me even further when these same women, some of them friends, were die-hard Hillary fans and very much into telling their daughters that 'this will be the first woman president, someone to look up to, someone to emulate' and yet the closest rolemodel to those daughters completely opted out of a career. How can you tell your children to aspire to be the head of NASA or a president or a multi-millionaire CEO, but you didn't bother to do anything yourself?

[Anonymous]

To clarify, my comment was in response to the poster who stated that a SAHM cannot be a role model. She never would say this about a SAHD.

Anonymous wrote:This is reverse sexism. Would you say this about a Stay at Home Dad? It is funny that you claim to be a feminist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is some jealous there. In the DC area, one partner has to be making a lot of money to enable the other to stay home and still maintain a nice lifestyle (nice house in a close in nabe, vacations, nice cars, pricey extracurricular activities for the kiddos, maybe private school, etc.)

To have an UMC lifestyle with a SAHP, the breadwinner has to be making 300-400k +.

On my end its less jealous and more...disbelief. I was raised to be independent and to own my own financials. When I went into my marriage I was comfortably set in a career and had two properties free-and-clear. That only helped when we made future decisions together to buy our 'dream' home. It boggles my mind that some women will rely solely on another person's generosity to live their life.

It disturbs me even further when these same women, some of them friends, were die-hard Hillary fans and very much into telling their daughters that 'this will be the first woman president, someone to look up to, someone to emulate' and yet the closest rolemodel to those daughters completely opted out of a career. How can you tell your children to aspire to be the head of NASA or a president or a multi-millionaire CEO, but you didn't bother to do anything yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

What about the millions of women who went into industries like nursing, teaching, health professions i.e. speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc.? Are you that my career isn't as worthy, or that I can't consider myself a feminist, because I'm in an industry that's dominated by females? (I'm an OT.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

What about the millions of women who went into industries like nursing, teaching, health professions i.e. speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc.? Are you that my career isn't as worthy, or that I can't consider myself a feminist, because I'm in an industry that's dominated by females? (I'm an OT.)

She said there were not enough women who stay in the workforce. How in the world does this offend you if you stayed in the workforce?

[Anonymous]

Of course not, b cause a sand is bending existing gender norms not reinforcing them.

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, my comment was in response to the poster who stated that a SAHM cannot be a role model. She never would say this about a SAHD.

Anonymous wrote:This is reverse sexism. Would you say this about a Stay at Home Dad? It is funny that you claim to be a feminist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is some jealous there. In the DC area, one partner has to be making a lot of money to enable the other to stay home and still maintain a nice lifestyle (nice house in a close in nabe, vacations, nice cars, pricey extracurricular activities for the kiddos, maybe private school, etc.)

To have an UMC lifestyle with a SAHP, the breadwinner has to be making 300-400k +.

On my end its less jealous and more...disbelief. I was raised to be independent and to own my own financials. When I went into my marriage I was comfortably set in a career and had two properties free-and-clear. That only helped when we made future decisions together to buy our 'dream' home. It boggles my mind that some women will rely solely on another person's generosity to live their life.

It disturbs me even further when these same women, some of them friends, were die-hard Hillary fans and very much into telling their daughters that 'this will be the first woman president, someone to look up to, someone to emulate' and yet the closest rolemodel to those daughters completely opted out of a career. How can you tell your children to aspire to be the head of NASA or a president or a multi-millionaire CEO, but you didn't bother to do anything yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read this whole thread, so likely someone has already pointed this out, but being a sahm does not mean that is the only thing you ever did. I'm a former scientist turned sahm. My kids love hearing about the research that I used to do, and I am instilling a love of science in both my son and my daughter. I doubt my daughter would list becoming an astronaut as one of her aspirations if she was hanging out with a nanny after school instead of watching NASA videos of the ISS with me. I actually worked part time until my second child was born, and frankly, because I made it a point to always work around my first child's schedule, he didn't even notice that I was working. So, if you think that the only example of women having choices is by taking time away from your kids, you're wrong. Kudos to those who have flexible jobs that allow them to be there for their kids when needed, without a whole lot of stress on the entire family. For many of us, that is not realistic. My staying home benefits my entire family by allowing us to always make whatever choice is best for the kids (such as keeping them at home when they are even slightly sick and not worrying about summer plans) without the stress of dealing with an employer's expectations. With my particular career, that flexibility would not have been possible if I continued to woh. My former professsional interests have a greater influence on my kids' interests than my husband's current career because I get to spend more time with our kids than he does. So, if anything, by staying home, I am actually guiding my daughter toward interests in stem to a greater extent than if I was still woh.

so your daughter is more likely to become a scientist because you used to be a scientist but now SAH, as opposed to if you were still a working scientist? Riiiiiight.

NP The cognitive dissonance of these presumably educated women is unbelievable , but then again we have a man with the vocabulary of a four year old as president , thanks in no small part to some of these women

I tutored a man in reading once who owned his own company, and was very successful. Trump seems to be someone who understand practical application unlike many past presidents. I'm afraid ignorance runs in all circles, definitely in yours.

Trump understands practical applications so much so that he's incapable of differentiating the truth from fiction, and believes lying repeatedly will turn his delusions of grandeur into reality . You were probably conceuved in the bathroom of a dive bar .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure where the assumption comes from that once a SAHM, always a SAHM. I worked full time, was on committees etc.

I also don't understand the disdain for what women did a generation or two ago. Was their role not important? Thinking back to my mom's stories growing up, are some of you implying that my Grandma's time was useless? Who else was going to do all of that? She had a massive garden she loved spending time in, etc. She sewed for her own family and others. That brought in a little extra money and provided what others needed.

You don't have to go sit in an office or a court room, or go to meetings all day to be doing something worthwhile.

Your grandma was captive labor and none of the shit she did provided a net benefit for society . That you failed to realize it shows the irreparable damage patriarchy has done to the psyche of women in this country

Wow. Did you have a controlling father or something?

Where do you think everyone is going to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

I agree with this 100%. All the SAHMs who claim we're all so jealous that they run the PTA and work out - actually, our frustration with your choices runs much deeper than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

I agree with this 100%. All the SAHMs who claim we're all so jealous that they run the PTA and work out - actually, our frustration with your choices runs much deeper than that.

Let me get this straight - you are angry at women who made different choices than you, because you are now one of the few in a male-dominated field? Have you considered that perhaps many other women don't share your interest in "climbing the ladder" and whatever else it is you do? You expect them to dedicate their lives to a career that does not excite them just so that you don't have to feel "lonely"? You are free to choose a different career path if you aren't happy. You don't get to dictate what other people do for a living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

I agree with this 100%. All the SAHMs who claim we're all so jealous that they run the PTA and work out - actually, our frustration with your choices runs much deeper than that.

And the fact that your mistreatment by men makes you angry at women, and not at men, is what is really absurd.