Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom pointed out that while I was dating my now husband he look well hung.

My friend's mom asked her daughter (friend's sister) to tell her how big the first guy she had sex with was. When she couldn't give a good answer, she brought out a carrot and asked her "Bigger or smaller? In all dimensions."

I don’t believe this

[Anonymous]

I am the one whose mom thought a black man carrying an umbrella was carrying an assault rifle.

My SIL is pregnant and a baby shower is being thrown. My mother is not going, as she lives across the country. She told me she's not coming. Then she proceeded to ask me how much the baby shower is costing, how the person throwing it is affording it, what the venue will be like, how expensive it is, etc.

She has never heard of a baby shower being anywhere besides someone's house.

[Anonymous]

This may be my all-time favorite thread. Keep it going!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My mom is also an old-fashioned not-a-racist. She thinks that hiring a person of color, having a polite conversation, or admitting that people of color can be hardworking and pleasant, all make her not-a-racist. Of course, she's the one who, as you heard about on a previous thread like this, said "It's so nice to see a black man taking care of his children!" Loudly. In a public enclosed space. As I dragged her away in mortification, she protested "What? I said it was NICE!"

Confession: I have very little exposure to black people and thus, most of what I "know" comes from tv, and that one black girl who was my college roommate for 2 months back in '94. So I could see myself thinking/saying something like that. The majority of black people I see are 1. security guards standing outside Marshalls or Ross or outside the bank, 2, black guys unloading boxes of food in the supermarket, who, if I ask if they know where Wheat Thins or something are, won't make eye contact and mumble,or 3 the clump of black kids on the trains talking loudly to each other and cursing a ton.

So I'd be thrilled to be exposed to and have the opportunity to become friends with black people who are ... different from those people.


PP Where do you live??? In a bubble? Do you work outside the home? Consider this: stop thinking about the color of ones skin and just consider them people, you may find that people will treat you the same.
Look, I don't care if you people keep going with this hijack or not, just learn how to properly format quoted replies! Sheesh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My mom is also an old-fashioned not-a-racist. She thinks that hiring a person of color, having a polite conversation, or admitting that people of color can be hardworking and pleasant, all make her not-a-racist. Of course, she's the one who, as you heard about on a previous thread like this, said "It's so nice to see a black man taking care of his children!" Loudly. In a public enclosed space. As I dragged her away in mortification, she protested "What? I said it was NICE!"

Confession: I have very little exposure to black people and thus, most of what I "know" comes from tv, and that one black girl who was my college roommate for 2 months back in '94. So I could see myself thinking/saying something like that. The majority of black people I see are 1. security guards standing outside Marshalls or Ross or outside the bank, 2, black guys unloading boxes of food in the supermarket, who, if I ask if they know where Wheat Thins or something are, won't make eye contact and mumble,or 3 the clump of black kids on the trains talking loudly to each other and cursing a ton.

So I'd be thrilled to be exposed to and have the opportunity to become friends with black people who are ... different from those people.

PP Where do you live??? In a bubble? Do you work outside the home? Consider this: stop thinking about the color of ones skin and just consider them people, you may find that people will treat you the same.
Look, I don't care if you people keep going with this hijack or not, just learn how to properly format quoted replies! Sheesh!

WTF? Weirdness going on with the quote function!

[Anonymous]

My mother called air conditioning "city air". No idea where this came from

[Anonymous]

Me: I think I have pneumonia. I'm going to go to the doctor.
Mom: Don't go there! The nurse is crazy!

Me: I'm going to go to a financial advisor.
Mom: Don't do that, they'll just take your money!

Me: I'm going to the eye doctor.
Mom: Don't do that! Just buy glasses at the drug store!

Me: I'm going to have lunch with a friend.
Mom: I wouldn't bother with her. You need new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was venting to my mother about my infertility woes. To comfort me, she then told me of a woman she knew who had IF, took her friend's child's baby and raised this child as her own, when the child was a teen, the truth started coming out. blah blah. This went on and on.

Finally, I interrupted her and asked who this woman is. She would be my mom's age and I'd be sure to know her, or at least the daughter that was raised without knowing her bio-mom.

She tells me its from XYZ soap opera. She does this all the time so it's hard for us to figure out if the stories she tells us are of real people of soap opera story lines.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

this cracked me up.

Omg me too! lol lollol!!! Nursing baby woke up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me: I think I have pneumonia. I'm going to go to the doctor.
Mom: Don't go there! The nurse is crazy!

Me: I'm going to go to a financial advisor.
Mom: Don't do that, they'll just take your money!

Me: I'm going to the eye doctor.
Mom: Don't do that! Just buy glasses at the drug store!

Me: I'm going to have lunch with a friend.
Mom: I wouldn't bother with her. You need new friends.

ha! we have the same mom

Mom: I bought something off your wishlist, but I don't think you're going to like it.

Me: I got Dad a heated mattress pad since he's always cold.
Mom: What?! do you want him to burn the house down!

[Anonymous]

OP here, fun to see we can appreciate the quirks of our Mothers. Good thing because we will probably be doing something similar at their ages.

Update: No one has contemplated eating the dogs yet. Well, except my mom since she brought it up to start.

[Anonymous]

My mom thought the phrase ´nip it in the bud’ was ‘nip it in the butt’ as in, “We’d better nip this in the butt before it gets worse.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does a dad count?
FIL sent email about how wonderful their trip to the Amish country in PA was recently. "They don't have any blacks or hispanics in their world" like it was some sort of eutopia or something. Not the first racist shit he's said unfortunately.

Fwiw there are hispanic Mennonite congregations. I would be tempted to visit one with dad sometime..

[Anonymous]

This thread is making my evening! For me, there are SO many. But how about:

Mom: DS can sleep on this guest bed.
Me: Do you need to clean the sheets?
Mom: no, no one has slept on this bed for a while.
Me: how long?
Mom: I don’t know, 20 years?
Me: so these sheets have been on the bed for 20 years?
Mom: yeah I guess! They’re clean! Nobody has slept in them!

[Anonymous]

An ex teenage boyfriend has recently been in the news because of some very conservative viewpoints. My mom tells me: I Knew he wasn’t for you when you were dating him. Why? Because he once had a conversation with my mom in which he complained about his achy neck. That was it.