Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

She definitely has eyesight issues, too.

Maybe dementia?

[Anonymous]

On my 40th birthday my mother said (in all seriousness and out of the blue), "great! You don't have to compete with other women any more!"

[Anonymous]

"What's google?"

[Anonymous]

From MIL:

"The only reason your BIL got into [fancy college] is because not a lot of babies were born in 1977. Thats also why I got a private room at the hospital when he was born."

Upon telling SIL, in front of MIL, that it was ok for DD to eat yogurt 2 days past its sell-by date, "Well, you think its ok to give your family spoiled food and thats why DH has so many viruses."

[Anonymous]

Some of my mom's greatest hits:

1) my mom: Michelle Obama needs to stop wearing those muscle dresses
me: you mean, sleeveless dresses
my mom: yeah, showing all that skin
2) my mom: women are so lazy now-adays. They cant be bothered to even push out a baby. (this was after she found out that I would be having a c-section due to a prior surgery on my uterus) & preeclapmsia. She also said the same thing after my SIL had to have an emergency c-section due to her health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My pussy smells like a hamburger joint."

"You can't go out and drink yourself to death every time a turd comes out sideways."

Heh! She sounds like fun!

[Anonymous]

"I saw on myface that Shelly had a baby"

Myface = facebook.
She's also called it Facelift.

[Anonymous]

My mom, a propos of our new dog:

Mom: Where do you feed her?
Me: In the kitchen
Mom: How does she find her way to the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

She definitely has eyesight issues, too.

Maybe dementia?

She has a HOST of issues. Denial is the biggest hurdle though. Because if she came right out and said, "Yeah I think all black people are thugs and are walking around with guns and can't be trusted not to kill us," then we could just dismiss her as a racist. But despite many, many examples of blatant racism she will insist she is not racist. Of course ask if she has any friends who are not white, and she will say "I had a long conversation with the man who came to do landscaping," and then she will reveal that she could barely communicate with him due to his thick Spanish accent. And she wonders why I talk to her less than once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I saw on myface that Shelly had a baby"

Myface = facebook.
She's also called it Facelift.

Are we related?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

She definitely has eyesight issues, too.

Maybe dementia?

She has a HOST of issues. Denial is the biggest hurdle though. Because if she came right out and said, "Yeah I think all black people are thugs and are walking around with guns and can't be trusted not to kill us," then we could just dismiss her as a racist. But despite many, many examples of blatant racism she will insist she is not racist. Of course ask if she has any friends who are not white, and she will say "I had a long conversation with the man who came to do landscaping," and then she will reveal that she could barely communicate with him due to his thick Spanish accent. And she wonders why I talk to her less than once a month.

My mom is also an old-fashioned not-a-racist. She thinks that hiring a person of color, having a polite conversation, or admitting that people of color can be hardworking and pleasant, all make her not-a-racist. Of course, she's the one who, as you heard about on a previous thread like this, said "It's so nice to see a black man taking care of his children!" Loudly. In a public enclosed space. As I dragged her away in mortification, she protested "What? I said it was NICE!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I saw on myface that Shelly had a baby"

Myface = facebook.
She's also called it Facelift.

Aww, your little mommy is so cute! She's trying to combine MySpace and Facebook. When my mom joined FB, she couldn't get straight the distinction between posting publicly on people's walls, and sending them private emails. She wrote on my wall, thinking it was private, "What's poking? I think I just poked myself." So I wrote back, "Mom! Poking yourself is really something for you and Dad to keep to yourselves."

[Anonymous]

Mom has been resident of Maryland for 55 years.

"People who give orders live in Maryland, people who take orders live in Virginia"

My mother, brother and I have insanely narrow feet.

"People with narrow feet are descended from royalty! People who have descended from peasants have wide feet. Stop trying to buy those shoes from China and Brazil. They are made for and by the peasants!"

*note* we are descended from Eastern Europeans who came here penniless.

[Anonymous]

My mom is also an old-fashioned not-a-racist. She thinks that hiring a person of color, having a polite conversation, or admitting that people of color can be hardworking and pleasant, all make her not-a-racist. Of course, she's the one who, as you heard about on a previous thread like this, said "It's so nice to see a black man taking care of his children!" Loudly. In a public enclosed space. As I dragged her away in mortification, she protested "What? I said it was NICE!"

Confession: I have very little exposure to black people and thus, most of what I "know" comes from tv, and that one black girl who was my college roommate for 2 months back in '94. So I could see myself thinking/saying something like that. The majority of black people I see are 1. security guards standing outside Marshalls or Ross or outside the bank, 2, black guys unloading boxes of food in the supermarket, who, if I ask if they know where Wheat Thins or something are, won't make eye contact and mumble,or 3 the clump of black kids on the trains talking loudly to each other and cursing a ton.

So I'd be thrilled to be exposed to and have the opportunity to become friends with black people who are ... different from those people.

[Anonymous]

15:06, you do realize that the AA guys you see working are taking care of someone(s), right? Or do you simply prefer that they not work at all in order to conform with the knowledge you have gleaned from TV? And when you are at the supermarket, did you even bother to use your manners when asking?

How the hell can you even have a life like that in 2012? Seems like you'd have to go to some serious lengths to construct such a world. Can only imagine how the "black girl" ended up being your roommate for just two months....