Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

this cracked me up.

Is she from Texas?

Nah. Texas women know their guns. In fact, most older Texas women that I know have a conceal carry permit.

Note that the pp is indicating only that Texas women “know their guns”. Not that they AREN’T racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watching Wheel of Fortune together. One contestant is actually a couple -a black man and an asian woman. Grandma says -"well you don't see that pairing everyday". I look up and say what. She replies " a colored man and a Chinese woman. You know its all because of Obama. He made it OK for black people to be on TV. "

LMAO


- a black person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom's sex talk:

"keep your dress down."

That was my entire sex talk.

Mine: “Keep your books open and your legs closed.”

[Anonymous]

Bump! Can we revive this fun thread? We need to have some laughs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

She definitely has eyesight issues, too.

Maybe dementia?

She has a HOST of issues. Denial is the biggest hurdle though. Because if she came right out and said, "Yeah I think all black people are thugs and are walking around with guns and can't be trusted not to kill us," then we could just dismiss her as a racist. But despite many, many examples of blatant racism she will insist she is not racist. Of course ask if she has any friends who are not white, and she will say "I had a long conversation with the man who came to do landscaping," and then she will reveal that she could barely communicate with him due to his thick Spanish accent. And she wonders why I talk to her less than once a month.

My mom is also an old-fashioned not-a-racist. She thinks that hiring a person of color, having a polite conversation, or admitting that people of color can be hardworking and pleasant, all make her not-a-racist. Of course, she's the one who, as you heard about on a previous thread like this, said "It's so nice to see a black man taking care of his children!" Loudly. In a public enclosed space. As I dragged her away in mortification, she protested "What? I said it was NICE!"

Your mothers and my father should get together. Every conversation, that is with someone that isn't white goes something like "I was talking to Joe, the black guy who used to own the grocery store." Or "I saw Sue, the Mexican that lived next door."

And when when he thinks he is trying..."

there were a group of boys skating down the street last night. They were *awkward pause while he tries to be "politically correct" * they were minorities."

[Anonymous]

« You know the nice thing about when people die is that you can finally say what you really thought about them »

Um no mom, it is actually the exact opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I didn't like a picture of myself she's say "but that's what you look like." I wasn't saying it was a poor likeness - it was a photograph after all - I was just saying I didn't like the way I came across in it! Also - my mom had eating issues - we once drove past a sign that said "local strawberries" and she got all excited thinking they were lo-cal, as in low calorie.

I'm dying!! Lo-cal strawberries....

[Anonymous]

Whenever I got sassy as a child/teen, my mom would say "stop showin' your butt."

It was so normal to me, that I said it to my DS (then age 5) when he got sassy. He looked so bewildered and started checking behind him to be sure his bottom wasn't showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I got sassy as a child/teen, my mom would say "stop showin' your butt."

It was so normal to me, that I said it to my DS (then age 5) when he got sassy. He looked so bewildered and started checking behind him to be sure his bottom wasn't showing.

That’s a common expression, except it’s usually ass instead of butt.

[Anonymous]

That Italians are actually not white as it is so close to Africa

[Anonymous]

Mom, on the day my twin daughters were born “oh they’re going to be beautiful, they look just like (husbands name)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom's sex talk:

"keep your dress down."

That was my entire sex talk.

Mine: “Keep your books open and your legs closed.”

"Never sleep with a married man"
I have no idea if that comes from personal experience. I did not ask any questions.

[Anonymous]

My mom’s anti-teen pregnancy PSA, offered at random times;

“I will not be raising grandchildren.”

Or, worse, I got “stranded” at my then BF (now DH) apartment when a blizzard hit my mom said, “I hope you won’t have a Blizzard Baby.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a PhD college professor. We had a dog and two cats at the time we adopted my dc as a ten month old. My mom VERY SERIOUSLY told me that dogs were OK around babies, but that cats might get in the crib and kill the baby. She also could not figure out how adoptive moms learned how to be moms. Apparently without the hormonal trip of pregnancy, it is impossible to wipe poopy bottoms and deal with temper tantrums.

She was a pioneer in womens'studies, but often addresses letters to me using my husband's last name even though I don't use it.

I could go on!

I'm reading this entire thread. My mom believes that about babies as well. Some people say the cat will lie on the baby's face and suffocate them, but she believed the cat would attach the soft spot on the head.

But mom did not care for cats. She was a dog person, dad was a cat person. My dad would say the cats on the farm were helping him in his shot. My mom thought they were baby killers.

I detested her pronunciations. Specifically:
"goom" for gum, as in what your teeth grow out of. I'm not sure why she so often referred to her gooms though.
and dash-hound for dachshund. She loved her dash hounds and had a long series of them and they adored her.

I do remember when they were moving and my mom came out of her bedroom with this long hunk of dark brown hair. It was my grandma's, when she traded her old fashioned hairstyle (braids on the top of her head, she was a farm woman) for shorter hair in her 40s. By then grandma had been dead for 15 years. That hair was 60+ years old. Mom said "do you think I've held onto Mom's hair long enough?".

[Anonymous]

My Mom's sex-talk was to ask me "Is there anything you want to know?" when I was thirty-two.

Once, when very depressed, I told her that the only thing stopping me from suicide was not wanting to ruin her and my Dad's life. Her response: "We'd get over it".