Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I announced I was pregnant at Thanksgiving. While washing dishes, my mother leaned close to me and whispered "Steer clear from anal sex during pregnancy. It jolts the baby."

OMG. LOLOL. I don't think my mother has ever said the words "anal sex."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is a truly fantastic voice impressionist. Like, as a white woman, her voice could pass as MLK's. She sometimes calls for fun as other people, or celebrities, when she talks to me. Last year my dad died (they were divorced.) Last week, my mom called and pretended to be my dad. It took me about ten seconds to realize what was wrong, and I yelled at her for about ten minutes after that.

This is so wrong, it's funny. Sorry, for your loss, PP.

Oh my GOD! This is funny wrong crazy!! I am laughing so hard that tears are running down my cheeks. And I am really sorry for your loss too. OMG, your mom is a HOOT!

YUP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My mom is also an old-fashioned not-a-racist. She thinks that hiring a person of color, having a polite conversation, or admitting that people of color can be hardworking and pleasant, all make her not-a-racist. Of course, she's the one who, as you heard about on a previous thread like this, said "It's so nice to see a black man taking care of his children!" Loudly. In a public enclosed space. As I dragged her away in mortification, she protested "What? I said it was NICE!"

Confession: I have very little exposure to black people and thus, most of what I "know" comes from tv, and that one black girl who was my college roommate for 2 months back in '94. So I could see myself thinking/saying something like that. The majority of black people I see are 1. security guards standing outside Marshalls or Ross or outside the bank, 2, black guys unloading boxes of food in the supermarket, who, if I ask if they know where Wheat Thins or something are, won't make eye contact and mumble,or 3 the clump of black kids on the trains talking loudly to each other and cursing a ton.

So I'd be thrilled to be exposed to and have the opportunity to become friends with black people who are ... different from those people.

This is my mom too. Latinos who don't sound like her are "authentic." Gay people are "artistic and good cooks."

Where do you live that there are no middle class black people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a PhD college professor. We had a dog and two cats at the time we adopted my dc as a ten month old. My mom VERY SERIOUSLY told me that dogs were OK around babies, but that cats might get in the crib and kill the baby. She also could not figure out how adoptive moms learned how to be moms. Apparently without the hormonal trip of pregnancy, it is impossible to wipe poopy bottoms and deal with temper tantrums.

She was a pioneer in womens'studies, but often addresses letters to me using my husband's last name even though I don't use it.

I could go on!

All mail sent by my grandmother is addressed to my husband (his full name; not my name at all). She refuses to use my name on any box or card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My mom is also an old-fashioned not-a-racist. She thinks that hiring a person of color, having a polite conversation, or admitting that people of color can be hardworking and pleasant, all make her not-a-racist. Of course, she's the one who, as you heard about on a previous thread like this, said "It's so nice to see a black man taking care of his children!" Loudly. In a public enclosed space. As I dragged her away in mortification, she protested "What? I said it was NICE!"

Confession: I have very little exposure to black people and thus, most of what I "know" comes from tv, and that one black girl who was my college roommate for 2 months back in '94. So I could see myself thinking/saying something like that. The majority of black people I see are 1. security guards standing outside Marshalls or Ross or outside the bank, 2, black guys unloading boxes of food in the supermarket, who, if I ask if they know where Wheat Thins or something are, won't make eye contact and mumble,or 3 the clump of black kids on the trains talking loudly to each other and cursing a ton.

So I'd be thrilled to be exposed to and have the opportunity to become friends with black people who are ... different from those people.

This is my mom too. Latinos who don't sound like her are "authentic." Gay people are "artistic and good cooks."

Where do you live that there are no middle class black people?

[Anonymous]

"You know what kind of girls wear black panties and bras? The WRONG kind. I'm talking about ladies of the night."

"If you keep using tampons, you'll be all loosey-goosey in your special area and never get a husband!"

"It never fails. Every time I take the metro I am seated next to one of those curry people." (All brown people = Muslims to her, which = curry people. And yes, we've explained the difference between Muslims and Indians many times. They're the same to her).

My grandmother called Italian food "eye-tal-yun" and my brother and I still say it that way sometimes to this day as a joke of sorts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

Had she just watched the Kingsman movie with its assault umbrella?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Where do you live that there are no middle class black people?

NP, but I now live in a small southern town, and have not run into any middle class black people. Lots of towns like this.

[Anonymous]

Bump.

This was a fun read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bump.

This was a fun read.

A lot of it was pretty funny but the more I read the more I realized it is really just a "Tell us how stupid your mom is" thread.

[Anonymous]

My mom looks at my friend in HS and tells her she is fat fat fat.. cringe.. she still sucks at monitoring opinions since "it's what i think- what is wrong with saying this?" zero empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom looks at my friend in HS and tells her she is fat fat fat.. cringe.. she still sucks at monitoring opinions since "it's what i think- what is wrong with saying this?" zero empathy.

Forgot to add that if anyone makes a mere reference to her- she goes ballistic. Yea- zero empathy. Though a complete actress in public.

[Anonymous]

My god, your mothers all suck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I announced I was pregnant at Thanksgiving. While washing dishes, my mother leaned close to me and whispered "Steer clear from anal sex during pregnancy. It jolts the baby."

OMG. LOLOL. I don't think my mother has ever said the words "anal sex."

I die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom makes every store a plural.

Lord and Taylors

Burger Kings

Pizza Huts

And, my favorite, Panero's. Not Panera, Panero's

She should pair up with the mom who calls jeans, "jean."

"We're heading to Panero's and I'll wear my cropped jean."

OMG I can’t stop laughing