How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Well that statement applies to tons of students applying from this area. So I suppose they should all admit they benefited from their parents education and wealth.

Which statement? You mean that high SES makes getting into college easier? I think kids overwhelmingly know and accept that. It makes sense to give FGLI kids a boost given their disadvantaged context. Giving legacies is a boost is giving extra to the already privileged.

Really? I don’t think parents here know that because they’re always whining about being donut hole families. Not to mention this entire thread is whining about how hard their kids have it because someone else has an advantage they don’t.

[Anonymous]

When legacy kids don't get in, as most don't, is it ok for the mean kids to say oh Marlo you must be a loser because both your parents went to x and you didn't get in.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

We all know the legacy edge was this kid’s greatest selling point because OP didn’t announce his cross admits. She would have if there was anything validating to announce.

Well maybe their kid didn’t apply anywhere else because they got in early so we don’t actually know that do we.

And your statement was not aimed at the OP it was aimed at me, remember?

“Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.” So you were making a general statement about all students which again is where your argument falls apart.

Exactly. These people might have an argument about legacies getting a benefit. But when they make dumb comments about all legacies being underqualified they are making fools of themselves. Low class.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

This thread has proven to me that legacies have a lot of success in having to put up with so many ignorant haters, as demonstrated by all of the pathetic posters on this thread. Sorry you didn't go to a good school and couldn't help your kids. Your bad. Tell your kids not to further embarrass you by making rude, low class, ignorant comments. It just advertises their lack of a proper upbringing. Wise of the school to see through this and not admit them. They don't want these types. They want kids with class who won't embarrass the school with dumb comments.

Of course I went to good schools, as a FGLI. And my kids know enough out their parents’ background to not be blindsided by the revelation that they’re luckier to grow up the way they have than the way I did, in admissions and beyond.

Clearly you benefited from relaxed admissions standards because you were FGLI. It shows.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

Holy extremes. Yes, there are plenty of these. But there are many "FGLIs" who benefit from it when they are only FG or LI, not both. Kind of like how many black children of Goldman MDs and Big Law partners benefitted from checking that box despite overcoming no hardships and having life handed to them on a silver spoon at Dalton, Trinity, NCS, or Exeter.

Of course privilege is on a spectrum, but it’s hard to imagine being low-income is ever actively helpful in K-12 education.

But more to the point, legacy advantage is adding privileges to existing privileges. A FGLI boost is compensating for disadvantage. So the two “hooks” do not function similarly at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

Holy extremes. Yes, there are plenty of these. But there are many "FGLIs" who benefit from it when they are only FG or LI, not both. Kind of like how many black children of Goldman MDs and Big Law partners benefitted from checking that box despite overcoming no hardships and having life handed to them on a silver spoon at Dalton, Trinity, NCS, or Exeter.

Of course privilege is on a spectrum, but it’s hard to imagine being low-income is ever actively helpful in K-12 education.

But more to the point, legacy advantage is adding privileges to existing privileges. A FGLI boost is compensating for disadvantage. So the two “hooks” do not function similarly at all.

My kid went to a great NYC public elementary school that happened to have projects located in its zone. This is actually quite common. So there were FGLI kids mixed in with children of white collar professionals who raise hundreds of thousands of dollars for the school (because they are saving by not spending $70k a year for private). These kids had much better educational opportunities than 95% of the rest of kids in NYC. So in this case, it was very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Wtf cares.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

Holy extremes. Yes, there are plenty of these. But there are many "FGLIs" who benefit from it when they are only FG or LI, not both. Kind of like how many black children of Goldman MDs and Big Law partners benefitted from checking that box despite overcoming no hardships and having life handed to them on a silver spoon at Dalton, Trinity, NCS, or Exeter.

Of course privilege is on a spectrum, but it’s hard to imagine being low-income is ever actively helpful in K-12 education.

But more to the point, legacy advantage is adding privileges to existing privileges. A FGLI boost is compensating for disadvantage. So the two “hooks” do not function similarly at all.

But we aren’t comparing them to each other. In this universe a hook is a hook right? So everyone who benefits from the hook should be subjected to the same comment - “you only got in because”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

Holy extremes. Yes, there are plenty of these. But there are many "FGLIs" who benefit from it when they are only FG or LI, not both. Kind of like how many black children of Goldman MDs and Big Law partners benefitted from checking that box despite overcoming no hardships and having life handed to them on a silver spoon at Dalton, Trinity, NCS, or Exeter.

Of course privilege is on a spectrum, but it’s hard to imagine being low-income is ever actively helpful in K-12 education.

But more to the point, legacy advantage is adding privileges to existing privileges. A FGLI boost is compensating for disadvantage. So the two “hooks” do not function similarly at all.

My kid went to a great NYC public elementary school that happened to have projects located in its zone. This is actually quite common. So there were FGLI kids mixed in with children of white collar professionals who raise hundreds of thousands of dollars for the school (because they are saving by not spending $70k a year for private). These kids had much better educational opportunities than 95% of the rest of kids in NYC. So in this case, it was very helpful.

Going to an integrated school is great! It still doesn’t come close to compensating for growing up poor/in poverty.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

So at any school without legacy admissions it’s an advantage to the FGLI. Also legacy helps at one or two schools. FGLI helps at all of them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

So at any school without legacy admissions it’s an advantage to the FGLI. Also legacy helps at one or two schools. FGLI helps at all of them.

Only on DCUM can you really argue with a straight face that being disadvantaged is a privilege actually.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the whole thread, I suspect I would not be surprised.

The only polite things to say when someone tells you where they got in are

Congratulations!
They will be very lucky to have you!
What a wonderful choice (insert some random thing you know about the school)
What do you plan to study there?

Things that are not OK:

Eww who wants to go there

You only got in because you are (rich, poor, race, religion, legacy, non-academic talent,
Adding also full-pay status, applying ED)

Oh your kid got in for English? My kid was deferred for Engineering there, which js clearly much harder.

I’ve heard they love a sob story there. You probably got in because (insert someone’s trauma)

Their admissions are so hard to predict.

I am sure if my kid went to (private or public, whichever the kid didn’t go to) they would have gotten in

This. It’s not about if legacy is an advantage or not, it’s about not being gracious when someone shares good news.

DP. We have no info about how OP’s son “shared the good news.” Maybe he was low key about it, maybe not. Maybe the other kid was justified pointing out the son’s double legacy privilege. We don’t know those circumstances. The fact that the other kid knew where OP and her DH went suggests that the son (or OP and her DH) don’t try to keep this info private. And for OP to come on here and act like legacy isn’t an advantage—and how on earth do I get others to understand that it was all merit— is what turned the focus to that issue.

I thought about that too. Parents proudly wear their sweatshirts with their Alma mater, it comes up in where they met if they met at college, rooting for a school team in sports and specifically if they want their kid to visit the school or go back with their kids for various events at the school. Plus people have magnets all over their car and personalized plates for various schools. My kids knows where some of their friends parents went to college and those are usually the ways it comes out organically.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posters in here want students to do the Native American land acknowledgement spiel with their legacy status. Sorry. Not going to happen. Kids worked hard and got in. Shame about those that didn’t, but there’s a college for everyone.

No, we just want people to stop pretending there isn’t a benefit to it when we all know there is.

More generally, we want people in positions of privilege to stop pretending that they earned everything by themselves and have the perspective to understand the privilege they were born into.

No what you want is students to apologize for getting in - where does it stop? Should they wear little badges around? An FGLI here? An athlete? Rich public school kid?

You overlook your own privilege and love pointing out everyone else’s

Nobody is asking for apologies. They are only asking for honesty. And generally, other groups are honest. Athletes and athlete parents typically are very straightforward about lower standards needed for admission. Same with FGLI. It’s only legacies and their parents that insist everyone pretend that legacies don’t have a significant advantage in admissions.

This entire thread was started because a legacy parent is freaking out because her child (who is nearly a legal adult) heard someone say that his parents went to the same school. That shows a level of fragility and entitlement that you just don’t see out of the other groups.

You don’t have to apologize. But don’t demand everyone pretend reality doesn’t exist, either.

No one is demanding anyone pretend anything. You’re the one demanding everyone ritually say “I got in and it’s because legacy admits have an easier time”.

Defensive much? No one thinks that, they just think it’s weird to act to another kid like it’s completely irrelevant and there’s no chance that being a double legacy broke the tie between two kids. If you or your kid can’t be gracious and honest in your good fortune I don’t know what to tell you.

Well what you do think the kid should say to such a rude comment?

“You’re right, I’m very lucky.” As a FGLI person myself I would never introduce myself as “FGLI, luckily!” so whoever said that upchain is a moron.

Well then what would you have said if someone said you got in only because you’re FGLI?

And why should they say “you’re right?” Just because legacies have a higher admit rate does not mean that legacies get in ONLY because they are legacies.

You are the first person ever to say anything as dumb as “you only got in because you had to swim very hard upstream against generational poverty going to an underperforming high school, how lucky!” so I never had to come up with a snappy retort for that. Most people understand FGLI requires much more grit and talent than being double legacy on top of being decidedly NOT lucky.

Defensive much? Questbridge kids have a lot of admissions advantage - and they’re FGLI. Would you be ok with people saying to them that they only got into school because of QB?

You wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. And you know why? Because it’s completely rude and off base.

I don’t find it rude, just dumb. FGLI get in because their success is more impressive due to their background. Legacy get in even though their success is less impressive. Which you should have explained to your kid a long time ago.

How do you know what success either particular kid has had? That’s where your argument falls apart.

As a general matter, when you're a legacy, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college easier for you. When you're FGLI, your family's educational and socioeconomic background makes getting into college harder for you.

Nope. Easier to get in as a FGLI than as a normal middle class kid. My very working class friend went to a no name school that doesn't even exist anymore but has a college degree. Her child was disadvantaged compared to FGLI's when applying to top schools, she might as well have been one. But as a white girl with a parent with a college degree, she had no chance. Even though in every measurable way she was far ahead of most FGLIs who got in.

Yeah it's definitely harder to have college-educated parents than be the child of undocumented chicken farmers in rural Delaware who don't even speak English and are afraid to go anywhere but church.

We aren’t talking about life. This is college admissions. Two very different things.

We’re talking about two sets of circumstances and which sets you up better for success in college admissions.

So at any school without legacy admissions it’s an advantage to the FGLI. Also legacy helps at one or two schools. FGLI helps at all of them.

Here’s how it works. Legacies start out at +1 by virtue of their family SES. At all schools, they have that +1. At their legacy schools, they have a +2. FGLI kids start at -1. The FGLI boost gets them to 0 at all schools.