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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption.  No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth.  Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.  [/quote]

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!" [/quote]

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted.  For some people it was a very easy process.  For others its not.  Sometimes it  is this simple.[/quote]

This is why so many of us are commenting to be sure that OP considers all perspectives in the adoption circle, NOT just adoptive parents who benefit from getting what they want so easily.  Their ease and satisfaction is most often at the expense of a vulnerable young mother who has been coerced into thinking that her possibly temporary challenges mean she is forever unable or unworthy of parenting.  Thus sentencing her to a lifetime of regret and trauma, for someone else’s benefit. [/quote]

People keep talking about vulnerable young mothers who don't understand temporary challenges vs a lifetime of parenting when placing their child for adopting. The reality is that in the VA-DC-MD area, most birth mothers who place their children for adoption are already parenting children of their own. I understand thinking that most birth mothers placing their baby for adoption are teenagers or college students, but that is an outdated stereotype. [/quote]

In my DH's adoption situation,  his birth mother already had kids with multiple uninvolved men.  She struggled with drug addiction.   Her family highly encouraged her to put her next child up for adoption. (My DH) She then went on to have additional children with the same man in a more stable stint, but that eventually fell apart as well as she still struggles with drugs.

My DH eventually was found by his siblings as an adult and has had some frank conversations with them about the way they grew up.  They consider him the lucky one, and he agrees.  They do have a close sibling bond through supporting each other through trauma and I think initially they expected to fold him into that.   DH was raised as an only and doesn't have that, but he feels like his childhood was happy and full.  He feels very close to his parents who raised him.  He's glad to have met his siblings and is fine with a cordial relationship with them.

Adoption is complex and every situation is different.   I do think my husband's adoption story drives him to be the phenomenal father that he is.  [/quote]

Your DH info is exactly why this is complex.  I'd say "don't throw the baby out with the bath water" but somehow that's the wrong metaphor here...lol.

But here's the thing. I am adopted, close with my family, happy  and probably lucky, like your DH.  However,  that doesn't negate the larger systemic issues with the adoption industry, so I'm happy to address that when discussing adoption. I am, and your husband, aren't the examples of why we all need to reexamine adoption and start looking at it as not a supplier of babies to wealthier families, but a reason to start looking into the support and rights of women,  the help they need, the help they need to keep their children if they want to, keeping the adoption industry out of these choices, and the mother's choice if she wants to terminate a pregnancy.  It's a bigger issue that our personal situation. 
 This reminds me of the BLM movement.  The problems are generational, rooted in systemic issues, racial and elitist, legal, etc. But then someone says.."What about the protests, shootings  or drugs in ....( insert city or situation) ..We need to understand the layers that brought us here.

There's just a poor understanding of these societal issues.  They aren't binary. [/quote]

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