What does my DH want from me?? A hall pass? Blessing?

[Anonymous]

This is not my first post on this but I am ready to lose it.. Sorry.
DH going to happy hour for over a year with out my knowledge...I didn't know to ask so he didn't tell. He would leave work early to go so that he would arrive home at regular time.

He refused to call it happy hour until yesterday when he brought it up. He was just grabbing a beer or 2 or 3. I said going to 7-11 is grabbing a beer. Whatever.

He went to other places- clubs , restaurants with his secretary. When I found out all of this on my own,when going through credit card statements, first he denied, then he was alone, then He was with his secretary. He admitted none of it was work related.
I have been taking care of things, making repairs around the house etc. he is very remorseful and we are in counseling. I have been civil but disengaged during this time.

Fast forward 4 months? He is on a business trip out of state. He has been enjoying the nightlife, he texts me that anyway. He is literally harrassing me to give him my blessing for him to begin going to happy hour again! I NEVER stopped him. He says" you have to forgive me and move on so I can enjoy my life by going to happy hour." Seriously? I told him that I never said he couldn't go and he has to do what he wants to do to be happy. He said I don't want him to go, and (get this) "this is exactly why I lied to you about it in the first place!"
How do I even respond to that? I said you do what you want to do. You can either continue to go and lie about it- I will never know, or tell me when you go.. Choice is his not mine. He says I have to be happy about it. He absolutely can not understand that he sounds like a 5 year old in a toy store.

[Anonymous]

Are you having this conversation over text?


I'm sorry, OP. He sucks.

[Anonymous]

He's not going to get better. Ready yourself for divorce.

[Anonymous]

First we were texting, then phone, back to texting. I'm finished he is still texting me! He is out in the hotel where he is.

[Anonymous]

He is cheating on you. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First we were texting, then phone, back to texting. I'm finished he is still texting me! He is out in the hotel where he is.

He also sounds drunk.

Texting is for cowards; he needs to discuss this with you face to face.

[Anonymous]

This sounds horrible OP. I'm so sorry. Do you have children?

[Anonymous]

I told him he sounded drunk. He said he was just tired.
3 kids, 2 in college, youngest getting ready to go in fall.

[Anonymous]

The thing is- I don't want to get divorced! I don't know why this all started the day he turned 49 and became utterly ridiculous when he turned 50.
When he speaks it sounds like a different language. This is NOT the man I married.

[Anonymous]

Therapy as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

Midlife crisis. My DH went absolutely ridiculous when he turned 40. He got all secretive, blamed me for everything and had an affair with a waitress. Standard issue midlife crisis except he didn't buy a sports car.

They seem to think that the grass is greener out there and that their loyal wife will sit around waiting for them while they sow their midlife oats. I am getting a divorce now that I have realised the grass may be greener for me without him and his nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Yes, he wants a hall pass to cheat on you in front of your face. He doesn't want to pay for a divorce or risk ending up 50 and alone when his affair ends. Leave him. The disrespect is mind-boggling. I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Clubs and restaurants with his secretary?? Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/413041.page#5742851

OP, you just posted two weeks ago with a thread entitled "I Don't Know Whether to Give Up on This Marriage." The overwhelming response was yes, move on. You posted that you were ill at work because of the stress of this marriage, yet here you are 2 weeks later posting about some business trip. You got 6 pages of responses about steps to take to leave him, yet here you are posting about some stupid texts he sent.

ENOUGH ALREADY. Get off DCUM and get a grip. Make your plan to leave this jackass. Otherwise, you two deserve each other.