What does my DH want from me?? A hall pass? Blessing?

[Anonymous]

She said she posted previously and was upset... Jeesh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/413041.page#5742851

OP, you just posted two weeks ago with a thread entitled "I Don't Know Whether to Give Up on This Marriage." The overwhelming response was yes, move on. You posted that you were ill at work because of the stress of this marriage, yet here you are 2 weeks later posting about some business trip. You got 6 pages of responses about steps to take to leave him, yet here you are posting about some stupid texts he sent.

ENOUGH ALREADY. Get off DCUM and get a grip. Make your plan to leave this jackass. Otherwise, you two deserve each other.

NP here: let the woman vent. 1. That's one of the purposes of this forum. 2. You're not the boss of her, to paraphrase my niece and nephew's favorite saying. 3. She really hasn't been doing anything to prompt this level of angry.

She's in a bad marriage. She's beginning to coming to terms with that. Have some compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crisis. My DH went absolutely ridiculous when he turned 40. He got all secretive, blamed me for everything and had an affair with a waitress. Standard issue midlife crisis except he didn't buy a sports car.

They seem to think that the grass is greener out there and that their loyal wife will sit around waiting for them while they sow their midlife oats. I am getting a divorce now that I have realised the grass may be greener for me without him and his nonsense.

Yup. I always thought it was a stupid stereotype, but it seriously happens and they go completely fucking insane. I'm watching my brother do it now, so I have no intimate dog in this fight. But I'm watching him destroy every aspect of his life over some woman. He's 45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/413041.page#5742851

OP, you just posted two weeks ago with a thread entitled "I Don't Know Whether to Give Up on This Marriage." The overwhelming response was yes, move on. You posted that you were ill at work because of the stress of this marriage, yet here you are 2 weeks later posting about some business trip. You got 6 pages of responses about steps to take to leave him, yet here you are posting about some stupid texts he sent.

ENOUGH ALREADY. Get off DCUM and get a grip. Make your plan to leave this jackass. Otherwise, you two deserve each other.

Wow. You are really rude. How does it feel to be perfect and have all the answers?

OP, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I understand how it feels to have major problems in a marriage, but not wanting to end it. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he wants the best of both worlds.

He wants to behave like an unmarried man, meaning have his freedom to drink after work w/his secretary, etc. plus have his loyal wifey at home for him as well.

What he needs to understand is that we all must live in reality unfortunately + reality dictates that we cannot have our cake and eat it too all the time.

Sure, he is a grown man and can do what he wants...within reason, of course.

But as a married man, he must live a respectful lifestyle since he is now your husband and it is highly improper for him to be going to bars drinking w/his secretary and/or lying to you about it.

Both are pretty much crummy things to do to your wife whom you are expected to show the utmost respect to.

So if he wants to continue on his path by doing what he wants to do, w/whomever he chooses to do it w/, then by all means he can. We live in a free country and no one has the right to dictate to anyone else how to live one's life.

And that same rule applies to you as well. You do not have to put up w/his disrespectful behavior toward you as a husband + you can leave anytime you desire.

[Anonymous]

^^^ + 100 ^^^

[Anonymous]

When you tell him that he is free to do as he chooses, do you mean that? Because it doesn't sound like you want to divorce him. What consequence will there be for him?

[Anonymous]

If this is what he wants to do there is absolutely no way I can stop him. He will lie or not, I will never trust him again.
Problem is right now, I have a child finishing senior year in HS. If I leave now it will put his life into upheaval. My goal is to continue with the status quo.
Living my life as I want to. I have no desire to go out and relive my younger days. I am happy with who I am. DH can leave when ever he wants to, but for now I want to get bills paid, maintenance on the house taken care of etc.
when my son leaves for college hopefully the debt we have will be substantially less, and I can move on..

[Anonymous]

So prepare yourself for that. Start planning your exit and disentangling yourself from him, financially & emotionally.

[Anonymous]

That's why I am so ticked off that I got upset that he is harping on the Happy Hour thing! I want him to go! Get out! Find someone else that wants to have an instant child

[Anonymous]

Yes make your plan. How I said it once to my husband when explanations were sketchy. If you are out having an affair while I am home washing your shit underwear head on out the door and take your shit underwear with you - I am sure your little sweet thing would love to wash it for you. Maybe you should send dear secretary a care package?? OP, Don't make the choice for him. He seems to feel guilty and deserves to wallow in it all by himself. Get your things in order then move on your way when you are ready.

[Anonymous]

I was married to a similar jackass.
-rearrange your life to make getting to the gym an absolute. -Step it up at work if you work and need the money.
-start siphoning a little $$ off for the exit
-if you can afford it, get lipo/tummy tuck or whatever cosmetic thing you want on the joint tab while you can (don't underestimate the importance of looking decent when trying to date later in life)

I'm very happily remarried to a loyal responsible man who is amazing in so many ways. Good luck & best wishes!!

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't have to leave. Tell that cheating immature idiot to get the hell out.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't going to divorce him, focus on what makes you happy and ignore him. Take a class, go to the spa, exercise, ignore his laundry and food. Just ignore the fool and become the best, most fulfilled and attractive person for yourself. He no doubt enjoys ruffling your feathers. Don't give him that pleasure.

[Anonymous]

OP,
He is a jerk, but I kind of understand his point. He wants to go to happy hour. You are saying the only issue is he lied (big issue) but of course the other issue is whether you want him to go or not. He is basically asking you if it's okay and you are kind of avoiding the question.

Just for perspective, my DH goes to happy hour or has some kind of event like that about once a month and I am HAPPY to let him have some fun on such an infrequent basis.

It sounds like you have posted before and that perhaps daily happy hours and lying about it is a small piece of your discontent. I would say counseling first and make some decisions about leaving later if that does not resolve things,
good luck