I'm so tired of mom cliques

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t always invite everyone to every event I host, but I don’t post about them on social media, so those who didn’t attend are none the wiser and don’t feel left out. I also tend to have an inner circle and outer circle of friends, if I want to do something small, I’m not inviting all of the moms from the neighborhood. If I’m hosting something bigger, than it’s more open. I’ve noticed that the people I know who post more pictures about “their crew” or “momsnightout” tend to be insecure and drama seeking. It’s not cute to be almost 40 and hashtagging about how your crew is the coolest.

100% agree--and even worse when they refer to them as their "tribe."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t always invite everyone to every event I host, but I don’t post about them on social media, so those who didn’t attend are none the wiser and don’t feel left out. I also tend to have an inner circle and outer circle of friends, if I want to do something small, I’m not inviting all of the moms from the neighborhood. If I’m hosting something bigger, than it’s more open. I’ve noticed that the people I know who post more pictures about “their crew” or “momsnightout” tend to be insecure and drama seeking. It’s not cute to be almost 40 and hashtagging about how your crew is the coolest.

+1, this is pretty much me. I am in my 40s and always a bit surprised when I see someone my age posting like this. I am not a very social person by nature and Covid has made me even less so, so I can't remember the last time I saw a photos and was sad I hadn't been invited to whatever it was. But when I see the frequent posts it makes me feel a bit bad for them, that they still feel a need to perform for others in this way. Maybe there are other reasons for it but from the outside it really comes off as hungry for attention and validation and I feel sympathy for anyone who hits their 40s and still feels like popularity (either offline or on social media) is going to fill them up. Maybe I'm misreading and these folks are just extroverts in a way that I am not, but it feels performative to me.

I think the last time I felt kind of needy in that way was when I was a still a newish mom and was going through a bit of a friend upheaval (looking for mom friends, feeling distant from some of my old friends who seemed to have lost interest in me when my life shifted into another gear) and also struggling with career trajectory. That's the last time I posted a lot and it was definitely because I wanted validation and to feel like what I was doing was okay. I went to therapy and worked on myself and found a path I'm happy with where I don't require any validation from acquaintances online because I feel validated of myself. But I feel bad for anyone still in that place and looking for that kind of feedback. I remember it feeling lonely and uncomfortable, kind of like adolescence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t always invite everyone to every event I host, but I don’t post about them on social media, so those who didn’t attend are none the wiser and don’t feel left out. I also tend to have an inner circle and outer circle of friends, if I want to do something small, I’m not inviting all of the moms from the neighborhood. If I’m hosting something bigger, than it’s more open. I’ve noticed that the people I know who post more pictures about “their crew” or “momsnightout” tend to be insecure and drama seeking. It’s not cute to be almost 40 and hashtagging about how your crew is the coolest.

This is the right thing to do. Thank you for being a mature adult.

[Anonymous]

If you are good enough friends with the type of women that are always posting the obnoxious friends girls night pictures on Fb that you are hurt by this, then that says something about you. Pick better friends. Its as if you actually want to fit in to that "group" and are sour you don't. But then sure, come here and make fun of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are good enough friends with the type of women that are always posting the obnoxious friends girls night pictures on Fb that you are hurt by this, then that says something about you. Pick better friends. Its as if you actually want to fit in to that "group" and are sour you don't. But then sure, come here and make fun of them.

What is this nonsense? What is the level of friendship at which you are somehow allowed to feel left out when they don’t include you, but also are lame for wanting to fit in and also need to “pick better friends”? Like what does this even mean?

This thread is making me laugh because people are freaking out about being called out on the constant social media posting. Y’all know you do this specifically because you are I secure and you want people to be like “oh wow, she has sooo many friends and does such cool stuff.” You want people to feel jealous, it’s the main reason you post. But when those jealous feelings cause people to suggest that maybe you should post less or be more discrete, you mad. You’re mad at people for having the desired emotional response to your posts. It’s hilarious.

It’s almost like bragging about you life on social media is not the best way to find inner peace and self confidence! But you are determined not to figure that out. Amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are good enough friends with the type of women that are always posting the obnoxious friends girls night pictures on Fb that you are hurt by this, then that says something about you. Pick better friends. Its as if you actually want to fit in to that "group" and are sour you don't. But then sure, come here and make fun of them.

What is this nonsense? What is the level of friendship at which you are somehow allowed to feel left out when they don’t include you, but also are lame for wanting to fit in and also need to “pick better friends”? Like what does this even mean?

This thread is making me laugh because people are freaking out about being called out on the constant social media posting. Y’all know you do this specifically because you are I secure and you want people to be like “oh wow, she has sooo many friends and does such cool stuff.” You want people to feel jealous, it’s the main reason you post. But when those jealous feelings cause people to suggest that maybe you should post less or be more discrete, you mad. You’re mad at people for having the desired emotional response to your posts. It’s hilarious.

It’s almost like bragging about you life on social media is not the best way to find inner peace and self confidence! But you are determined not to figure that out. Amazing.

It isn't nonsense. People are making fun of the same women they are pining to be friends with and included in their activities. If you think they are so lame and attention seeking, then why do you care to be friends with them and included?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never run into a mom clique and I have been a mom for 10.5 years.

I just don't have the time to notice, I guess.

Good job, you are the best mom I guess.

I think I know why you aren't invited PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are good enough friends with the type of women that are always posting the obnoxious friends girls night pictures on Fb that you are hurt by this, then that says something about you. Pick better friends. Its as if you actually want to fit in to that "group" and are sour you don't. But then sure, come here and make fun of them.

+1

I mean, I too enjoy feeling smug about my life choices, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are good enough friends with the type of women that are always posting the obnoxious friends girls night pictures on Fb that you are hurt by this, then that says something about you. Pick better friends. Its as if you actually want to fit in to that "group" and are sour you don't. But then sure, come here and make fun of them.

What is this nonsense? What is the level of friendship at which you are somehow allowed to feel left out when they don’t include you, but also are lame for wanting to fit in and also need to “pick better friends”? Like what does this even mean?

This thread is making me laugh because people are freaking out about being called out on the constant social media posting. Y’all know you do this specifically because you are I secure and you want people to be like “oh wow, she has sooo many friends and does such cool stuff.” You want people to feel jealous, it’s the main reason you post. But when those jealous feelings cause people to suggest that maybe you should post less or be more discrete, you mad. You’re mad at people for having the desired emotional response to your posts. It’s hilarious.

It’s almost like bragging about you life on social media is not the best way to find inner peace and self confidence! But you are determined not to figure that out. Amazing.

did you know people are different from you, have different motivations, and different internal lives? the things that you suggest are other people's needs and motivations really say more about yourself and your internal life.

[Anonymous]

Nearly 30 pages and the best explanation for why people feel the need to post photos of private gatherings to Facebook is “I use it to store and organize my photos.”

Hmmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nearly 30 pages and the best explanation for why people feel the need to post photos of private gatherings to Facebook is “I use it to store and organize my photos.”

Hmmm.

I would like to hear a better explanation for why people post anything at all.

[Anonymous]

I stay far far away from anyone posting about their daily/weekly social life on FB. I use it to keep up with out of town family, birthday/holiday/first day of school pics, etc. I also learn when someone’s parent passed away, etc so I can send a card or attend the funeral if possible. I do not post my social schedule nor do I enjoy others. If you post daily I probably unfollowed you (though I’ve missed a few parent deaths this way, sadly.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nearly 30 pages and the best explanation for why people feel the need to post photos of private gatherings to Facebook is “I use it to store and organize my photos.”

Hmmm.

I would like to hear a better explanation for why people post anything at all.

Because you want others to see it. Period. You can organize your photos on your own phone/camera roll. People are being disingenuous when they say “I only post to update family!” or “I use Facebook to organize my photos!” Nah because y’all don’t share everything. You share what you want others to see. Therefore, if you post a date, party, gathering, event- you wanted people to see it. And if you choose to let that be seen by people you didn’t include, you wanted them to see that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stay far far away from anyone posting about their daily/weekly social life on FB. I use it to keep up with out of town family, birthday/holiday/first day of school pics, etc. I also learn when someone’s parent passed away, etc so I can send a card or attend the funeral if possible. I do not post my social schedule nor do I enjoy others. If you post daily I probably unfollowed you (though I’ve missed a few parent deaths this way, sadly.)

If the only way you were going to know their parent died was if you saw it on Facebook, your relationship wasn’t that genuine or deep. I don’t use Facebook but I guarantee you I know if my closest friends or relatives lose a parent, because I speak to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nearly 30 pages and the best explanation for why people feel the need to post photos of private gatherings to Facebook is “I use it to store and organize my photos.”

Hmmm.

I would like to hear a better explanation for why people post anything at all.

Because you want others to see it. Period. You can organize your photos on your own phone/camera roll. People are being disingenuous when they say “I only post to update family!” or “I use Facebook to organize my photos!” Nah because y’all don’t share everything. You share what you want others to see. Therefore, if you post a date, party, gathering, event- you wanted people to see it. And if you choose to let that be seen by people you didn’t include, you wanted them to see that too.

This.

Some people post with the obvious intention of making others jealous or envious. Like it’s transparent. “Look at my new car, look at my new house, here I am with my friends dressed in cute clothes at at a concert, here’s all the people who came to my birthday party.” The reason to post like this if is you want people to see it and think “oh wow, her life is so great.”

The problem is that in your mind, people are thinking “oh wow, I’m so jealous, but she’s so great— she deserves it.” And maybe your mom or you closest friends are thinking that. But plenty of people will just roll their eyes and call you self-absorbed behind your back, and even though they are saying it out of jealousy, they aren’t wrong. Others will just be hurt you didn’t include them. The vast majority of people will not be happy for you, even if they have the social skills to pretend they are. People aren’t really focused on your happiness enough to want to see lots of evidence of it on Facebook. Plus there’s that nagging problem of how happy you could possibly be if you are taking the time to post all the evidence on social media. Wouldn’t a truly happy person just not bother because they are too content to need to tell everyone else how happy they are?

This fantasy of sharing all your best moments on Facebook and having everyone, or even a majority of your contacts, be just thrilled for you is childish. That’s not how people are.