Reply to I'm so tired of mom cliques

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t always invite everyone to every event I host, but I don’t post about them on social media, so those who didn’t attend are none the wiser and don’t feel left out. I also tend to have an inner circle and outer circle of friends, if I want to do something small, I’m not inviting all of the moms from the neighborhood. If I’m hosting something bigger, than it’s more open. I’ve noticed that the people I know who post more pictures about “their crew” or “momsnightout” tend to be insecure and drama seeking. It’s not cute to be almost 40 and hashtagging about how your crew is the coolest.[/quote]

+1, this is pretty much me. I am in my 40s and always a bit surprised when I see someone my age posting like this. I am not a very social person by nature and Covid has made me even less so, so I can't remember the last time I saw a photos and was sad I hadn't been invited to whatever it was. But when I see the frequent posts it makes me feel a bit bad for them, that they still feel a need to perform for others in this way. Maybe there are other reasons for it but from the outside it really comes off as hungry for attention and validation and I feel sympathy for anyone who hits their 40s and still feels like popularity (either offline or on social media) is going to fill them up. Maybe I'm misreading and these folks are just extroverts in a way that I am not, but it feels performative to me.

I think the last time I felt kind of needy in that way was when I was a still a newish mom and was going through a bit of a friend upheaval (looking for mom friends, feeling distant from some of my old friends who seemed to have lost interest in me when my life shifted into another gear) and also struggling with career trajectory. That's the last time I posted a lot and it was definitely because I wanted validation and to feel like what I was doing was okay. I went to therapy and worked on myself and found a path I'm happy with where I don't require any validation from acquaintances online because I feel validated of myself.  But I feel bad for anyone still in that place and looking for that kind of feedback. I remember it feeling lonely and uncomfortable, kind of like adolescence.[/quote]

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