Husband makes work plans during our week at the beach. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Like many people, we go to the beach every summer for a week or two. But every summer, my DH comes up with the long face and tells me that "he has work commitments" Just always happens to be in the middle of the long planned beach vacation. Invite another family member instead?

[Anonymous]

A couple of possibilities here:
1 - he genuinely has no control over his schedule and there would be consequences for missing work.
2 - he should have control over his schedule, but he doesn't have the balls to push back and say he's on vacation that week.
3 - he doesn't want to go on vacation.

I'd invite someone else - your sister, a friend, whoever would make it a fun week for you. Maybe you plan it as a girls-n-kids week from now on?

[Anonymous]

Does he like the beach?

Is he a workaholic?

Do you have a solid marriage?

[Anonymous]

Who else is at the beach with you? Your parents? Other extended family?

[Anonymous]

i have no clue why people put up with people who act like that.

i am sure he just doesn;t have the balls to say sorry change the meeting etc i am going to be with my family.

do you get an extra man card if you miss a fmaily vacation?

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like he OD's on the family vaca after a few days and skips out early to get back to some me-time while the rest of you are away at the beach. Possible?

[Anonymous]

Back in my mom's day, moms took the kids and spent the entire summer at the beach. Dads came down on weekends.

I'd go that route if possible. Tell husband it would be great if he could come down for a long portion of the planned stay, and drive back the night before for his work obligations. It's an easy trip on weekday nights.

[Anonymous]

What are the work plans? Do they involve leaving the beach mid-vacation and returning to DC (so at least one day where he is totally absent) or is it possible for him to participate remotely (so missing a trip to the water but around for dinner later that night)?

For me, this is what made the difference. At this point, even when we're on vacation, I assume that DH will need to be dialed in to things at the office once a day at minimum. As long as his work does not mean that he leaves the place we're not vacation or is so caught up that he is completely unavailable for entire days, I'm cool with it. The tradeoff is that when he's done, he gets to do be in charge and I get to take a nap or a hot bath or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple of possibilities here:
1 - he genuinely has no control over his schedule and there would be consequences for missing work.
2 - he should have control over his schedule, but he doesn't have the balls to push back and say he's on vacation that week.
3 - he doesn't want to go on vacation.
I'd invite someone else - your sister, a friend, whoever would make it a fun week for you. Maybe you plan it as a girls-n-kids week from now on?

OP here 2 and 3. But he waits until the last minute and won't get into the car, so by that point it is too late to invite someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple of possibilities here:
1 - he genuinely has no control over his schedule and there would be consequences for missing work.
2 - he should have control over his schedule, but he doesn't have the balls to push back and say he's on vacation that week.
3 - he doesn't want to go on vacation.
I'd invite someone else - your sister, a friend, whoever would make it a fun week for you. Maybe you plan it as a girls-n-kids week from now on?

OP here 2 and 3. But he waits until the last minute and won't get into the car, so by that point it is too late to invite someone else.

Jesus, that's super aggravating. But, you say he does it every year, so you should just plan for it. Invite someone else now (if you're not scheduled to leave today!). Let him that you're inviting someone else b/c he always ends up with work commitments and you'd like some adult company. Sounds like he might actually be happy with this if it's partly that he doesn't really want to go on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Oh, i would NOT tolerate that. We PLAN our vacation months in advance and DH clears it. If something comes up, he brings his computer. He usually does a few things here and there on vacation (as do I).

I'm not sure what you want to do about it, however. But since it does not appear that he's in a new job or has an unstable work situation which requires sucking it up for a while and since you're asking WWYD, I would tell him that if his job is more important than his family, then he is free to leave the family and spend all his time working. Of course, he will be responsible for the children half the time, so he will need to plan his work life accordingly then, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple of possibilities here:
1 - he genuinely has no control over his schedule and there would be consequences for missing work.
2 - he should have control over his schedule, but he doesn't have the balls to push back and say he's on vacation that week.
3 - he doesn't want to go on vacation.
I'd invite someone else - your sister, a friend, whoever would make it a fun week for you. Maybe you plan it as a girls-n-kids week from now on?

OP here 2 and 3. But he waits until the last minute and won't get into the car, so by that point it is too late to invite someone else.

Jesus, that's super aggravating. But, you say he does it every year, so you should just plan for it. Invite someone else now (if you're not scheduled to leave today!). Let him that you're inviting someone else b/c he always ends up with work commitments and you'd like some adult company. Sounds like he might actually be happy with this if it's partly that he doesn't really want to go on vacation.

#2 they tried to do with me at my company and I said no. They can always find a reason for you to come in.

[Anonymous]

What, so you and the kids are all packed in the car and he springs this on you and stays home? OMG.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible he's cheating?

[Anonymous]

Does he plan it with you? As in he wants an annual vacation at the beach and participates in the planning, then at the last minute bails?