Husband makes work plans during our week at the beach. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who would rather work than go on vacation? WTf?

Lots of people. We are in DC! Those who work longer live longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the work plans? Do they involve leaving the beach mid-vacation and returning to DC (so at least one day where he is totally absent) or is it possible for him to participate remotely (so missing a trip to the water but around for dinner later that night)?

For me, this is what made the difference. At this point, even when we're on vacation, I assume that DH will need to be dialed in to things at the office once a day at minimum. As long as his work does not mean that he leaves the place we're not vacation or is so caught up that he is completely unavailable for entire days, I'm cool with it. The tradeoff is that when he's done, he gets to do be in charge and I get to take a nap or a hot bath or whatever.

I sure hope your DH makes at least 500K a year for you and him to put up with that.

My DH makes 500k+ and he would never miss our vacations. Simple. Reschedule and say you will be away that week.

DH does often cancel our long weekend driving trips that requires one day off from work. It is low priority for him, he doesn't want to go that much and the weekend trip to Lancaster, Great Wolf, etc. is not more important the work thing that comes up.

[Anonymous]

This is fishy. I often work on vacation - but only 1-2 hours a day. We go skiing our west every year and I schedule my calls for the east coast morning so I can get them done while everyone is eating breakfast - or I review/approve documents after dinner when it's just adults sitting around with a glass of wine. If you can work from the basement, you can work from the beach. In I was at the beach with my family, I would schedule any work for nap time in the afternoon and limit it to 2 hours max a day - and then make sure I did bed time stories or breakfast cooking or whatever would make it up to my spouse that I abandoned him during the witching/meltdown hour.

[Anonymous]

If you have small children, a beach vacation can be more work and less fun than staying home (ALONE! kid free!) to "work". Just putting it out there.

[Anonymous]

he sounds like a guy i know. most people think he is wonderful such the good guy but he never tels work he is on vacaiton. He will work from the vacation as if he is in his basement.

but he is runnning around on his wife, online all day flirting etc, and does exactly what others say on here. says work won;t let him get away...unless he is making a zillion dollars he is lying to you

[Anonymous]

If you have small children, a beach vacation can be more work and less fun than staying home (ALONE! kid free!) to "work". Just putting it out there.

Yeah, and even more work for the parent who is now solo-parenting. which is why I'd be even more furious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who would rather work than go on vacation? WTf?

I pull this every year, but then there is extended family involved so its not like anybody is stuck there on their own.


1. I hate the beach and all of the BS that comes with it

2. I normally pay for the whole week for everyone

3. I don't want to go

4. We take other vacations together on our own

5. I can always find legit work to do and would be on the phone or the computer half of the day anyway


I am not having an affair, and I don't feel guilty about not going.

Is there a reason you just don't tell your spouse you hate the beach?

She is well aware that I don't like the beach. She would rather enjoy the beach and not have me there, than have me there, working and wasting time away from the office on something I don't like - as I said, we aren't starved for vacation time outside of the beach.

[Anonymous]

I know it's passive aggressive and wrong to do, but I can't help wondering what OP's DH would say if she just says, "The kids and I are going on vacation. Have fun going to work!" and leave him for a week. (Not pissed off, but genuinely glad to be rid of him for a week.) I wonder if he'd think SHE was cheating on him.

I agree with other posters, if he's always doing this last minute thing, then he's having an affair. Even DOCTORS go on vacation. Heck, POTUS goes on vacation. I don't know of anyone who HAS to be at work 365. No one.

OP, ask him where he would like to go on vacation and when he can schedule time off. If he "can't", then tell him you are seriously considering a divorce. If you're doing it solo anyway, you may as well drop the dead weight of your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like many people, we go to the beach every summer for a week or two. But every summer, my DH comes up with the long face and tells me that "he has work commitments" Just always happens to be in the middle of the long planned beach vacation. Invite another family member instead?

how do you handle your job on vacation??

[Anonymous]

Is he having an affair?

[Anonymous]

This thread is amazing. Guy has to work, so of COURSE he's having an affair.

Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the work plans? Do they involve leaving the beach mid-vacation and returning to DC (so at least one day where he is totally absent) or is it possible for him to participate remotely (so missing a trip to the water but around for dinner later that night)?

For me, this is what made the difference. At this point, even when we're on vacation, I assume that DH will need to be dialed in to things at the office once a day at minimum. As long as his work does not mean that he leaves the place we're not vacation or is so caught up that he is completely unavailable for entire days, I'm cool with it. The tradeoff is that when he's done, he gets to do be in charge and I get to take a nap or a hot bath or whatever.

I sure hope your DH makes at least 500K a year for you and him to put up with that.

My DH makes 500k+ and he would never miss our vacations. Simple. Reschedule and say you will be away that week.

DH does often cancel our long weekend driving trips that requires one day off from work. It is low priority for him, he doesn't want to go that much and the weekend trip to Lancaster, Great Wolf, etc. is not more important the work thing that comes up.

Jeez, both of you.I'm the original PP whose husband sometimes works while we're on vacation. You all really are not okay with your husbands occasionally having to take a phone meeting or spend 2-3 hours writing something?

DH makes about 100k a year doing something that he absolutely loves. He comes on vacation with us and brings his laptop with him in case something comes up that can't wait until we get back to town. If he did not do that, the options would be a) he leaves vacation to come back to DC to deal with the work thing or b) he ignores the things that come up and comes back to DC to find that he doesn't HAVE a job. It's not like he's "in the office" working the whole time we're at the beach. Sometimes we do things separately, even when we're away together. It's really not that big a deal.

OP's husband sounds like an ass though and I agree that she should ask what's going on. A mature person does not wait until the car is packed and everyone is leaving to say they are not coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is amazing. Guy has to work, so of COURSE he's having an affair.

Sheesh.

1. People actually have to work

2. He might not be that interested in the beach so he doesn't feel like he is missing anything


To say he is having an affair is insulting - why would anybody go there as a natural first assumption?


I know that there are plenty of people here who don't have a real job with real responsibility, but trust me, it happens.


Now, if it keeps happening at the last minute, my guess is that he has some work he could be doing but it is an easy excuse because he isn't that interested in the trip. Try going someplace else next year instead of the beach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who would rather work than go on vacation? WTf?

I pull this every year, but then there is extended family involved so its not like anybody is stuck there on their own.


1. I hate the beach and all of the BS that comes with it

2. I normally pay for the whole week for everyone

3. I don't want to go

4. We take other vacations together on our own

5. I can always find legit work to do and would be on the phone or the computer half of the day anyway


I am not having an affair, and I don't feel guilty about not going.

Is there a reason you just don't tell your spouse you hate the beach?

She is well aware that I don't like the beach. She would rather enjoy the beach and not have me there, than have me there, working and wasting time away from the office on something I don't like - as I said, we aren't starved for vacation time outside of the beach.

so you level with her and tell her you won't be going to the beach, in advance of departure day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the work plans? Do they involve leaving the beach mid-vacation and returning to DC (so at least one day where he is totally absent) or is it possible for him to participate remotely (so missing a trip to the water but around for dinner later that night)?

For me, this is what made the difference. At this point, even when we're on vacation, I assume that DH will need to be dialed in to things at the office once a day at minimum. As long as his work does not mean that he leaves the place we're not vacation or is so caught up that he is completely unavailable for entire days, I'm cool with it. The tradeoff is that when he's done, he gets to do be in charge and I get to take a nap or a hot bath or whatever.

I sure hope your DH makes at least 500K a year for you and him to put up with that.

My DH makes 500k+ and he would never miss our vacations. Simple. Reschedule and say you will be away that week.

DH does often cancel our long weekend driving trips that requires one day off from work. It is low priority for him, he doesn't want to go that much and the weekend trip to Lancaster, Great Wolf, etc. is not more important the work thing that comes up.

Jeez, both of you.I'm the original PP whose husband sometimes works while we're on vacation. You all really are not okay with your husbands occasionally having to take a phone meeting or spend 2-3 hours writing something?

DH makes about 100k a year doing something that he absolutely loves. He comes on vacation with us and brings his laptop with him in case something comes up that can't wait until we get back to town. If he did not do that, the options would be a) he leaves vacation to come back to DC to deal with the work thing or b) he ignores the things that come up and comes back to DC to find that he doesn't HAVE a job. It's not like he's "in the office" working the whole time we're at the beach. Sometimes we do things separately, even when we're away together. It's really not that big a deal.

OP's husband sounds like an ass though and I agree that she should ask what's going on. A mature person does not wait until the car is packed and everyone is leaving to say they are not coming.

No, I'm not okay with it. I make more than 100K and very rarely need to work on vacation. If I was to regularly work on vacation, the job would need to pay 400 or 500 K.