Confessions

[Anonymous]

SAHM here again, I also forgot to mention that I would love to go back to work and now it is virtually impossible for me to find a job that will actually childcare. Which sux. I don't regret my choice but it sure made for a big sacrifice. And I definitely wasn't/am not always happy with being a SAHM at all.

I'll probably never make a 6 figure salary at all. But I made a conscious choice and I'll live.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side, and if you haven't realized this by following all the horrendous threads about SAHM vs WM then I suggest you go back and read again.

[Anonymous]

I confess that I don't understand why so many vegetarians who are women are overweight. Maybe they are eating too much junk food or pasta?

P.S. - I confess that this isn't really a confession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spend a huge amount of time at work doing personal stuff. Paying bills, planning vacations, ordering groceries, ordering kids clothes, you name it. I think if anyone found out I would be fired right away.

But do you get your work done?

Everyone does this. They did a study that says in an average 9 hour work day people take the 1 hour lunch and surf the net for personal stuff 2 hours. That's the average. And that's just net-surfing. Not to mention all the time people spend chatting about non-work related issues, a couple of short calls to talk with DH, etc.

It's normal. Most companies don't have the resources to track everyone unless there is a productivity concern. In fact, my IT department just called me and said they have no record of me going online since 2007, which is obviously not the case! They saw when they were looking to upgrade me on something.

Not so much for time keepers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confess that I don't understand why so many vegetarians who are women are overweight. Maybe they are eating too much junk food or pasta?

P.S. - I confess that this isn't really a confession.

it's easy to be a potato chips and french fries vegetarian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confess that I don't understand why so many vegetarians who are women are overweight. Maybe they are eating too much junk food or pasta?

P.S. - I confess that this isn't really a confession.

I have wondered about that as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[quote

.I can and do "do it all". Work as a successful professional, keep a nice house, cook meals, have a happy family, have well behaved children. If I can do it, I expect others to be able to do it.

Why?

I bet Enjoli is your fragrance of choice

No. I like Jessica McClintock and Clique's Happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spend a huge amount of time at work doing personal stuff. Paying bills, planning vacations, ordering groceries, ordering kids clothes, you name it. I think if anyone found out I would be fired right away.

What she said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to be a SAHM and I feel like I am wasting away my baby's childhood by going to work each day. I grew up in poverty though and can't fathom walking away from my 6 figure salary, or denying my child our current lifestyle- it isn't opulent by any stretch, but we are very comfortable. I want him to have all the experiences I missed.

Wow. I'd love to get together with you, even if on email -- I am a new mom going through the exact same thing!

PP here. I'd love to chat too. I feel like I am the only one struggling with this guilt trip. Email me at [e-mail].

as a SAHM I honestly don't get this. You clearly choose to work and have the money over your true desire to be around your child. Can you go for more balance? Less work, less money a little more time with your child?

I confess I find it disturbing how many moms will get super defensive when talking about their choices. There are women who HAVE to work to support their families and then there are those who could probably make both work with some sacrifices. I don't get the guilt trip thing at all.

I am not sure why you don't get it because the poster explained exactly where the guilt/conflict comes from and perhaps because you have not walked in her shoes you can't.

I can actually identify with her dilemma. I am in a constant conflict about whether or not to keep working and never really worrying about money, keep the kids in private schools, take them on fun vacations, saving enough so that they never have to worry about money either or quitting to spend more time with them and constantly watching the pennies and not leaving a sufficient nest egg for them to have a decent start in life (not having to worry about paying off student loans or a buying their first house etc). My husband's and my parents did this for us and it makes a very big difference in our lives today for which we are very grateful (no mortgages or student loans). I know financial security is not every thing but, particularly in times such as this, it takes away a lot of stress. The thing is once you have it you value it and it is hard to completely disregard its importance. I did stay home with for the first three years of the kids' lives and I don't really work long hours (8-4.30) but sometimes I feel I would like to just quit and devote my time completely to the kids. I admire people who can make that difficult decision. I don't mean those who would not earn enough to cover child care or those whose spouses earn enough so they are still financially secure but those who are in the middle like us where the two salaries together make life so much more comfortable than one would. Not saying I have got it right just that I understand the poster's dilemma because I am right there with her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to be a SAHM and I feel like I am wasting away my baby's childhood by going to work each day. I grew up in poverty though and can't fathom walking away from my 6 figure salary, or denying my child our current lifestyle- it isn't opulent by any stretch, but we are very comfortable. I want him to have all the experiences I missed.

Wow. I'd love to get together with you, even if on email -- I am a new mom going through the exact same thing!

PP here. I'd love to chat too. I feel like I am the only one struggling with this guilt trip. Email me at [e-mail].

as a SAHM I honestly don't get this. You clearly choose to work and have the money over your true desire to be around your child. Can you go for more balance? Less work, less money a little more time with your child?

I confess I find it disturbing how many moms will get super defensive when talking about their choices. There are women who HAVE to work to support their families and then there are those who could probably make both work with some sacrifices. I don't get the guilt trip thing at all.

She says it all in her original post - they're not rolling in it, but they live very comfortably. I'm going to guess that means they don't sweat their bills, have money in the bank, probably go on a nice vacation (or two?) a year. For someone who, as she says, grew up in poverty, that can be very, very appealing and hard to walk away from. Just that room to breathe, to go to the grocery store and not have to stress whether you can buy this cut of meat or that brand of cereal, can feel like... an embarrassment of riches to someone who grew up without.

[Anonymous]

I confess that when I go to the playground with my toddler I dread the forced conversation that takes place between myself and other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I want to be a SAHM and I feel like I am wasting away my baby's childhood by going to work each day. I grew up in poverty though and can't fathom walking away from my 6 figure salary, or denying my child our current lifestyle- it isn't opulent by any stretch, but we are very comfortable. I want him to have all the experiences I missed.

Wow. I'd love to get together with you, even if on email -- I am a new mom going through the exact same thing!

PP here. I'd love to chat too. I feel like I am the only one struggling with this guilt trip. Email me at [e-mail].

as a SAHM I honestly don't get this. You clearly choose to work and have the money over your true desire to be around your child. Can you go for more balance? Less work, less money a little more time with your child?

I confess I find it disturbing how many moms will get super defensive when talking about their choices. There are women who HAVE to work to support their families and then there are those who could probably make both work with some sacrifices. I don't get the guilt trip thing at all.

I am not sure why you don't get it because the poster explained exactly where the guilt/conflict comes from and perhaps because you have not walked in her shoes you can't.

I can actually identify with her dilemma. I am in a constant conflict about whether or not to keep working and never really worrying about money, keep the kids in private schools, take them on fun vacations, saving enough so that they never have to worry about money either or quitting to spend more time with them and constantly watching the pennies and not leaving a sufficient nest egg for them to have a decent start in life (not having to worry about paying off student loans or a buying their first house etc). My husband's and my parents did this for us and it makes a very big difference in our lives today for which we are very grateful (no mortgages or student loans). I know financial security is not every thing but, particularly in times such as this, it takes away a lot of stress. The thing is once you have it you value it and it is hard to completely disregard its importance. I did stay home with for the first three years of the kids' lives and I don't really work long hours (8-4.30) but sometimes I feel I would like to just quit and devote my time completely to the kids. I admire people who can make that difficult decision. I don't mean those who would not earn enough to cover child care or those whose spouses earn enough so they are still financially secure but those who are in the middle like us where the two salaries together make life so much more comfortable than one would. Not saying I have got it right just that I understand the poster's dilemma because I am right there with her

PP you quoted here. So it's only a difficult decision for those who make decent money to be a SAHM?

You clearly don't have it right. The reason I am not making this salary is the fact that I left my career at a crucial point. It was a big sacrifice and in these times right now it is definitely hurting me. I will have to pursue a completely new path now.

You stayed at home for 3 years so I don't think you and the OP are in the same boat.

And obviously OP hasn't walked in my shoes either so we probably just don't get each other.

I do see what the other poster says though, it would be nice if we could comfortably affort things that are of better quality. We too are not struggling severely, but if I had stayed in my job, we would certainly be able to afford more things.

The part I just don't get is the guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confess that when I go to the playground with my toddler I dread the forced conversation that takes place between myself and other parents.

what a nice example you are to your child. Forced conversation or small talk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confess that when I go to the playground with my toddler I dread the forced conversation that takes place between myself and other parents.

what a nice example you are to your child. Forced conversation or small talk?

At least she is making an attempt! I cannot tell you how many times I have been flat out ignored after saying hello or giving a friendly smile! Is that a better example for a child...flat out rudeness?

[Anonymous]

Oh trust me, I know that feeling. But with PP's confession I wonder even more if I should even try to be friendly to people on the playground when they perceive it as "forced conversation" . You are right though, being ignored is even worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confess that when I go to the playground with my toddler I dread the forced conversation that takes place between myself and other parents.

My child isn't old enough for playgrounds yet, but this will be me, for sure. I always felt that way at the dog park.