Confessions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come to DCUM because I have no friends. How does one get to one's late 40's and have no friends. I am pathetic. (I have lots of acquaintances and certainly feel that many people respect me. But I don't think anybody really likes me. Even my own family, except for my husband and son, who for some odd reason do like me.)

Are you likable, and just not appreciated? Or are you not really likable, and hence your predicament?

[Anonymous]

Different poster but in same predicament. My problem is that I expend effort with people I would like to be better friends with, not on the people who really want to be better friends with me.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I don't have friends either. I am very likable and a lot of people are always saying how great I am. I know a lot of people and they all seem to like me, but I don't like people... Not that I don't like them personally and I judge them or think something is wrong with them, but I cam read people extremelly well and though this sounds like an advantage, it's not. I see all the hesitations, the fake smiles, the nervousness and the arrogance (even if not directed at me) and it's almost too much for me. Like an overwhelming information overload, specially when I'm interacting with a group of people. I can't shake it and I just keep people at a safe, superficial distance. I would love to have a close-knit group of friends, but I was never able to stand it. So I do pay the price...

[Anonymous]

I wish I were more like you. I have trouble reading people and assume everyone is nice and then get stabbed in the back. I am forever the "polly-anna".

Fortunately, I do have a couple of really good friends (to include my husband). One way I have made new friends is by lending a hand. for instance, a couple of neighbors and I trade off on driving the boys to soccer games as a result we've become close. we get together periodically and drink wine and eat cheese and crackers while the boys play the wii downstairs. it is nice to have people to laugh with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I don't have friends either. I am very likable and a lot of people are always saying how great I am. I know a lot of people and they all seem to like me, but I don't like people... Not that I don't like them personally and I judge them or think something is wrong with them, but I cam read people extremelly well and though this sounds like an advantage, it's not. I see all the hesitations, the fake smiles, the nervousness and the arrogance (even if not directed at me) and it's almost too much for me. Like an overwhelming information overload, specially when I'm interacting with a group of people. I can't shake it and I just keep people at a safe, superficial distance. I would love to have a close-knit group of friends, but I was never able to stand it. So I do pay the price...

I relate to this except I don't have people telling me how great I am all the time and I do have "close" friends, but I only let them get so close. My closest friend is my husband. Everything else you wrote I thought I could have written the same thing. I may seem to be a people person, but deep down I'm not. I need social stuff in my life, but I can find it exhausting trying to pretent I don't notice someone trying to get competitive or arrogant or lying or..