Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

[Anonymous]

Some things that worked for convincing my DH to act like an adult (but it is a work in progress helped by the fact that our child is getting older and parenting is less intense):
1. Naming abuse accurately as abuse
2. Physically putting my body between me and child when he loses control and telling him "get away from her, do not ever do that again"
3. Telling DH he needs to take a parenting class and it is not up to me to find a class or sign him up, I am not minder and he needs to take full responsibility for it

[Anonymous]

Op does not need to breastfeed a two year old. She should have taken one or both kids to the er or urgent care. How is this even an issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op does not need to breastfeed a two year old. She should have taken one or both kids to the er or urgent care. How is this even an issue?

Because her DH was yelling about it instead of problem solving.

[Anonymous]

A breastfed toddler would have been fine with dad while mom took the older kid to get medical attention. I say this as someone whose toddler has failure to thrive and night nursed until 2 and 1/2.

[Anonymous]

If OP's husband thought it made more sense for him to stay home with the toddler while OP took the older child to urgent care, he should be able to convey that verbally and calmly and work with his spouse to come to an agreement, quickly, on what they should do.

The point is not who goes to the doctor and who stays home. The point is that an adult and father should be able to work that out with his partner. Throwing a fit, yelling, banging things, making their sick child feel guilty for needing to go to the doctor -- these are not the actions of a responsible adult. OP was at least staying calm, soothing their kid, and trying to figure out a solution. That's what a parent should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

Nothing preventing her from divorce.

Divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op does not need to breastfeed a two year old. She should have taken one or both kids to the er or urgent care. How is this even an issue?

OMG, is this the same poster over and over again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

Nothing preventing her from divorce.

Divorce.

Divorce would not change his behavior by itself. It would change their living situation, but not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A breastfed toddler would have been fine with dad while mom took the older kid to get medical attention. I say this as someone whose toddler has failure to thrive and night nursed until 2 and 1/2.

Dad would not have been able to handle a toddler that won't go to sleep as OP clearly stated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A breastfed toddler would have been fine with dad while mom took the older kid to get medical attention. I say this as someone whose toddler has failure to thrive and night nursed until 2 and 1/2.

And why couldn’t dad just have … taken the older kid and let mom stay with the toddler? Did he need to die on that hill? if so, why? Did he need to start a pissing match about it?

That’s what people focusing on the breast feeding are missing. The DH would have found a reason to act out no matter what the issue - he gets triggered at anything going wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A breastfed toddler would have been fine with dad while mom took the older kid to get medical attention. I say this as someone whose toddler has failure to thrive and night nursed until 2 and 1/2.

And why couldn’t dad just have … taken the older kid and let mom stay with the toddler? Did he need to die on that hill? if so, why? Did he need to start a pissing match about it?

That’s what people focusing on the breast feeding are missing. The DH would have found a reason to act out no matter what the issue - he gets triggered at anything going wrong.

+1 and OP knew he would not be able to handle the toddler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP's husband thought it made more sense for him to stay home with the toddler while OP took the older child to urgent care, he should be able to convey that verbally and calmly and work with his spouse to come to an agreement, quickly, on what they should do.

The point is not who goes to the doctor and who stays home. The point is that an adult and father should be able to work that out with his partner. Throwing a fit, yelling, banging things, making their sick child feel guilty for needing to go to the doctor -- these are not the actions of a responsible adult. OP was at least staying calm, soothing their kid, and trying to figure out a solution. That's what a parent should do.

Thank you for your common sense reply.

[Anonymous]

Your shouldn’t have subjected your husband to having all these kids. Men like that are one and done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

Nothing preventing her from divorce.

Divorce.

This.