Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

[Anonymous]

He sounds overwhelmed by the job of taking care of young children. Suggest he see a mental health professional for suggestions about how to cope better. It will be much easier for your needs and the kids’ needs to be met if your husband, who is clearly hurting, has his needs addressed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

Where did I berate OP? What are you even talking about?

You said OP can't force her husband to change his behavior and she can't divorce him. Ok, so then what is your solution for her? Or are you more interested in blaming someone for doing something they didn't do than trying to help OP?

You keep asking the same questions and ignoring my answers so I am going to keep on copying and pasting them.

Some things that worked for convincing my DH to act like an adult (but it is a work in progress helped by the fact that our child is getting older and parenting is less intense):
1. Naming abuse accurately as abuse
2. Physically putting my body between me and child when he loses control and telling him "get away from her, do not ever do that again"
3. Telling DH he needs to take a parenting class and it is not up to me to find a class or sign him up, I am not minder and he needs to take full responsibility for it

If you have to keep doing this doesn’t sound like it’s working. You don’t seem qualified to give advice for a problem you haven’t solved in your own house. You told him to take a parenting class? Did he even do it? If so why are you teling him to get away from everyone?

+ 1 Just divorce him already. This is not a healthy marriage on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

Where did I berate OP? What are you even talking about?

You said OP can't force her husband to change his behavior and she can't divorce him. Ok, so then what is your solution for her? Or are you more interested in blaming someone for doing something they didn't do than trying to help OP?

You keep asking the same questions and ignoring my answers so I am going to keep on copying and pasting them.

Some things that worked for convincing my DH to act like an adult (but it is a work in progress helped by the fact that our child is getting older and parenting is less intense):
1. Naming abuse accurately as abuse
2. Physically putting my body between me and child when he loses control and telling him "get away from her, do not ever do that again"
3. Telling DH he needs to take a parenting class and it is not up to me to find a class or sign him up, I am not minder and he needs to take full responsibility for it

You haven't identified yourself or your answers prior to this. You just keep yelling at anyone who says something you don't like and accusing them of being awful people.

DP. I did these things and kid getting older helps, but the most effective thing I did was to tell xDH repeatedly I would call the police if he touched me or our kid. He knew I meant it. I do think these things helped keep him in check. But he was still an abusive a** so we divorced before I could see how long this tactic would work.

Sorry, just to clarify, when I told my DH to get away from my child, he wasn't hitting her. He was trying to dress her and she was resisting. He was angry and being too rough. He has never hit me. I absolutely endorse calling the police for domestic violence.

I didn't see OP mention direct physical abuse. Certainly verbal abuse. There are different levels of abuse and one or two instances of a man cursing at a child should be taken seriously, but very few people would actually immediately get divorced because of this.

Not immediately but one or two incidents of verbal/subtle physical abuse were definitely the catalyst to me losing all respect and care for him, then on to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds overwhelmed by the job of taking care of young children. Suggest he see a mental health professional for suggestions about how to cope better. It will be much easier for your needs and the kids’ needs to be met if your husband, who is clearly hurting, has his needs addressed too.

If he agrees to it and sees it that way, there could be hope. In my experience these types of men truly believe their reaction is NBD and wholly justified, and get further triggered if you “nag” about their need to get parenting or mental health support b

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

Where did I berate OP? What are you even talking about?

You said OP can't force her husband to change his behavior and she can't divorce him. Ok, so then what is your solution for her? Or are you more interested in blaming someone for doing something they didn't do than trying to help OP?

You keep asking the same questions and ignoring my answers so I am going to keep on copying and pasting them.

Some things that worked for convincing my DH to act like an adult (but it is a work in progress helped by the fact that our child is getting older and parenting is less intense):
1. Naming abuse accurately as abuse
2. Physically putting my body between me and child when he loses control and telling him "get away from her, do not ever do that again"
3. Telling DH he needs to take a parenting class and it is not up to me to find a class or sign him up, I am not minder and he needs to take full responsibility for it

You haven't identified yourself or your answers prior to this. You just keep yelling at anyone who says something you don't like and accusing them of being awful people.

DP. I did these things and kid getting older helps, but the most effective thing I did was to tell xDH repeatedly I would call the police if he touched me or our kid. He knew I meant it. I do think these things helped keep him in check. But he was still an abusive a** so we divorced before I could see how long this tactic would work.

Sorry, just to clarify, when I told my DH to get away from my child, he wasn't hitting her. He was trying to dress her and she was resisting. He was angry and being too rough. He has never hit me. I absolutely endorse calling the police for domestic violence.

I didn't see OP mention direct physical abuse. Certainly verbal abuse. There are different levels of abuse and one or two instances of a man cursing at a child should be taken seriously, but very few people would actually immediately get divorced because of this.

Not immediately but one or two incidents of verbal/subtle physical abuse were definitely the catalyst to me losing all respect and care for him, then on to divorce.

And that is your experience, which is valid. My experience has been different, and my experience is valid too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

Where did I berate OP? What are you even talking about?

You said OP can't force her husband to change his behavior and she can't divorce him. Ok, so then what is your solution for her? Or are you more interested in blaming someone for doing something they didn't do than trying to help OP?

You keep asking the same questions and ignoring my answers so I am going to keep on copying and pasting them.

Some things that worked for convincing my DH to act like an adult (but it is a work in progress helped by the fact that our child is getting older and parenting is less intense):
1. Naming abuse accurately as abuse
2. Physically putting my body between me and child when he loses control and telling him "get away from her, do not ever do that again"
3. Telling DH he needs to take a parenting class and it is not up to me to find a class or sign him up, I am not minder and he needs to take full responsibility for it

If you have to keep doing this doesn’t sound like it’s working. You don’t seem qualified to give advice for a problem you haven’t solved in your own house. You told him to take a parenting class? Did he even do it? If so why are you teling him to get away from everyone?

+ 1 Just divorce him already. This is not a healthy marriage on both sides.

Okay if you say so I will blow up my marriage since it's not good enough for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

Where did I berate OP? What are you even talking about?

You said OP can't force her husband to change his behavior and she can't divorce him. Ok, so then what is your solution for her? Or are you more interested in blaming someone for doing something they didn't do than trying to help OP?

You keep asking the same questions and ignoring my answers so I am going to keep on copying and pasting them.

Some things that worked for convincing my DH to act like an adult (but it is a work in progress helped by the fact that our child is getting older and parenting is less intense):
1. Naming abuse accurately as abuse
2. Physically putting my body between me and child when he loses control and telling him "get away from her, do not ever do that again"
3. Telling DH he needs to take a parenting class and it is not up to me to find a class or sign him up, I am not minder and he needs to take full responsibility for it

If you have to keep doing this doesn’t sound like it’s working. You don’t seem qualified to give advice for a problem you haven’t solved in your own house. You told him to take a parenting class? Did he even do it? If so why are you teling him to get away from everyone?

He did do the class and has gotten better, so sorry to disappoint you!

You already said your child is older and easier now. Your success story isn’t much to brag about.

You sound really triggered

Sure. I’m not the one raging and copying the same lame response in bold again and again when it didn’t even work.

You are weirdly invested in other women getting divorced. Why is that?

Telling someone to become a human shield because your husband is such a monster is strange. Maybe call the police instead.

Mr officer my DH was being a little rough and yelling at my child

Hopefully your kid has other people in their life who can intervene when the parents are excuse making doormats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, despite what many of you are implying, OP cannot force her DH to change his behavior. She has tried (read her OP again, for those of you insisting she has done nothing) and can continue to try more forcefully, but the only person who can change the DH's behavior is the DH. Even divorce would only change their living situation and not necessarily in a way that benefits the children or protects them.

So what’s your solution?

What is your solution besides berating her?

OP is doing the best she can and folks have given tons of advice for trying to convince him to change his behavior (in between the ridiculous attacks on OP). But ultimately, that is up to him. She can only change what she has control over.

Where did I berate OP? What are you even talking about?

You said OP can't force her husband to change his behavior and she can't divorce him. Ok, so then what is your solution for her? Or are you more interested in blaming someone for doing something they didn't do than trying to help OP?

You keep asking the same questions and ignoring my answers so I am going to keep on copying and pasting them.

Some things that worked for convincing my DH to act like an adult (but it is a work in progress helped by the fact that our child is getting older and parenting is less intense):
1. Naming abuse accurately as abuse
2. Physically putting my body between me and child when he loses control and telling him "get away from her, do not ever do that again"
3. Telling DH he needs to take a parenting class and it is not up to me to find a class or sign him up, I am not minder and he needs to take full responsibility for it

If you have to keep doing this doesn’t sound like it’s working. You don’t seem qualified to give advice for a problem you haven’t solved in your own house. You told him to take a parenting class? Did he even do it? If so why are you teling him to get away from everyone?

He did do the class and has gotten better, so sorry to disappoint you!

You already said your child is older and easier now. Your success story isn’t much to brag about.

You sound really triggered

Sure. I’m not the one raging and copying the same lame response in bold again and again when it didn’t even work.

You are weirdly invested in other women getting divorced. Why is that?

Telling someone to become a human shield because your husband is such a monster is strange. Maybe call the police instead.

Mr officer my DH was being a little rough and yelling at my child

Hopefully your kid has other people in their life who can intervene when the parents are excuse making doormats.

Nobody who actually knows me would dream of describing me as a "doormat" but if that's what you need to believe, have at it.

[Anonymous]

The DH has SN, but which one?