Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

[Anonymous]

I'm just really over my husband's inability to control his temper during any kind of stressful parenting situation. Case in point, a couple days ago my 6 yo daughter came home from camp where she had a basketball hit her on the side of the head. Initially she seemed ok but around dinnertime started complaining of severe ear pain and a headache. Called her pediatrician who advised us to go to urgent care to get her checked out. As I'm still breastfeeding a young toddler, my husband was to take her and spent the entire time they were getting ready to go huffing around the house, slamming dresser drawers or whatever, because he was pissed that he had to go, because he didn't think her pain was "that bad" and "nobody gets a concussion from a basketball." Meanwhile this is while I'm comforting my daughter who is in a lot of pain. On the way out he slammed the front door. Cute. Turns out she had a pretty severe injury and ended up vomiting and dizzy and needed to be admitted to the hospital.. she's doing a lot better now but I'm just still so angry when I think about his temper tantrum about taking his injured kid to urgent care.

Oh and a few weeks ago our toddler had a nosebleed in the middle of the night and my husband and I were with him to help, and my husband was just so angry at having been woken up that he was cussing out the toddler,"WTF (toddler name!)! It's the middle of the night! ARRRGHHHH", and stomping around, meanwhile the poor kid can't help that he had a nosebleed and is scared and stressed out already and I'm trying to get both of them to calm down.

These are both medical examples but he loses it during any kind of mundane stress, kid won't get ready for school on time, kid isn't hungry and won't eat at dinner, kid isn't listening, whatever. Just normal everyday parental interactions he manages to get so worked up and makes every situation worse and way more stressful than it needs to be. We use an easy 1,2,3 then time-out strategy at our house when our kids our misbehaving, which works well for them, and he never remembers to use it, just lets himself get super annoyed and angry instead and then blows up. We talk about it and he admits he loses his patience too easily and feels bad but we never get beyond that.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised the doctor said go to urgent care. They don't deal with potential head injuries, typically. My husband doesn't do those things, but is terrible in an emergency. I would have taken her and he could drive the other kid separately if they ended up needing to nurse, which you could go do in the parking lot if you don't want them exposed to things.

Encourage him to get counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised the doctor said go to urgent care. They don't deal with potential head injuries, typically. My husband doesn't do those things, but is terrible in an emergency. I would have taken her and he could drive the other kid separately if they ended up needing to nurse, which you could go do in the parking lot if you don't want them exposed to things.

Encourage him to get counseling.

Dragging your toddler to wait in the car for hours is such enabling of bad behavior

[Anonymous]

Your is not normal. Figure out his SN and learn to live with it.

[Anonymous]

I could not stay married to someone like that and you should be calling out the tantrums and demanding that he go to a therapist to deal with his rage or you are divorcing his ass. And then do it. I would lose all respect and attraction for a man who shows so little care and compassion to his own children. Ick.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP.

Your husband brought children into this world but seems to have not taken into account the simple fact that once he became a parent….his children and their needs now take full precedence over him for the next 18+ years.
That is life.

He sounds very immature, highly selfish as well as just plain cruel.
How dare he act in this way around young, impressionable children??! 😠

You need to discuss all of this w/him and tell him that you can no longer subject the kids to his bad behavior.
It will harm their self-esteem to the core OP I promise you this.

If he elects to continue to put his needs first then you should leave him.
Make sure to document his behavior and keep any ➕ all physical evidence of it if you can because I would not think it would be in your children’s best interest for him to have visitation privileges if you two end up divorcing.

Please protect your children from their father’s harmful actions.

[Anonymous]

It’s anxiety, but still not ok. Tell him it’s unacceptable and he needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised the doctor said go to urgent care. They don't deal with potential head injuries, typically. My husband doesn't do those things, but is terrible in an emergency. I would have taken her and he could drive the other kid separately if they ended up needing to nurse, which you could go do in the parking lot if you don't want them exposed to things.

Encourage him to get counseling.

Dragging your toddler to wait in the car for hours is such enabling of bad behavior

I couldn’t agree any more.

OP definitely needs to do the right thing as a Mother and protect her children from the cruel ways of their Father.

[Anonymous]

Well, you've now discovered that your husband is a lousy father who is willing to emotionally abuse them and neglect their physical needs. What are YOU going to do about that in order to protect your children?

[Anonymous]

Why were you both getting up in the middle of the might to deal with an nose bleed? It sounds like he needs sleep. If you don't work, you can certainly deal with a nosebleed by yourself -- and any other issues that come up in the middle of the night. His behavior is HORRIBLE but I would rule out lack of sleep first.

Can you take turns, week on week off, getting up in the night? No one is at their best when they don't sleep.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds worthless. Have you considered looking into divorce? I could not imagine having to wake up next to such a miserable person every day for the rest of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could not stay married to someone like that and you should be calling out the tantrums and demanding that he go to a therapist to deal with his rage or you are divorcing his ass. And then do it. I would lose all respect and attraction for a man who shows so little care and compassion to his own children. Ick.

Then the kids would be with him without their mother for some part of each week. How would that be better for them?

[Anonymous]

Why does every DH have to be the main parent. You're the main parent, OP. Just do the parenting and let him do the 1billion other things that also have to get done to run a family.

[Anonymous]

This is not normal. Your husband needs help - consider therapy or medication for his anger. Could you convince him to do marriage therapy?

[Anonymous]

My DH is like this and that’s why we have one child. I’m really shocked that you had three. Why? He’s overwhelmed. He should do better, sure, but he doesn’t have the capacity. It’s not going to change.