Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, you've now discovered that your husband is a lousy father who is willing to emotionally abuse them and neglect their physical needs. What are YOU going to do about that in order to protect your children?

All of this. Ick!

[Anonymous]

Agree. If hes a toddler that would be the first change Id make to wear him off. The less stress in this family the better.

[Anonymous]

A few things.

1. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
2. A six year old showing up with a concussion and a visibly angry/inappropriately behaving parent could easily have triggered a mandatory report. CPS could give a crap about the inconvenience your DH experienced. When you discuss this, I would point that out to him.
3. I’d be recording this. Swearing at a toddler who had a middle of the night need? That’s got “something he’s going to deny later” all over it.
4. Sorry but you have to be the medical-matters parent because your husband is literally neglecting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised the doctor said go to urgent care. They don't deal with potential head injuries, typically. My husband doesn't do those things, but is terrible in an emergency. I would have taken her and he could drive the other kid separately if they ended up needing to nurse, which you could go do in the parking lot if you don't want them exposed to things.

Encourage him to get counseling.

Dragging your toddler to wait in the car for hours is such enabling of bad behavior

I couldn’t agree any more.

OP definitely needs to do the right thing as a Mother and protect her children from the cruel ways of their Father.

But taking the toddler in the car would have protected the older child from his behavior. Plus if he was downplaying the injury and didn't want to take a child in after the doctor said she needed to be seen, he doesn't seem like the right person to handle the job in the moment.

I see mom using the breastfeeding as an excuse to be able to blame her husband rather than just solving the problem in the moment herself.

[Anonymous]

OP is not responding so yea, she must be a SAHM. If he’s a sole provider my first step would be taking over all functions with children to protect them from abuse and neglect; stop breastfeeding the toddler as at this point it just exacerbates the stress on the family; and lastly ask husband to seek mental help, possibly medication for anger and anxiety

Then reconsider divorce

[Anonymous]

Why did you have a 2nd child with this man?

[Anonymous]

OP has a lifestyle where he works out of the house and she works in the house doing all the child care tasks. So, give the toddler a sippy of milk and take the daughter to urgent care since they have chosen to specialize this way. She doesn’t get to clock out when her husband comes home.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this is happening. As a father, I can say that I've felt this type of anger before and I'm embarrassed that I've even cursed at my young child for waking me up in the middle of the night. I was really stressed out, etc. Not an excuse, but I didn't have any tools to deal with the massive shifts in my life that two young children brought.

I was always stressed about money (because I wanted my wife to have long maternity leave or work PT). As I climbed the ladder at work, I couldn't maintain a balance between the hours I had to be elsewhere and when my wife needed me home. I was running from one stressful situation to another...never feeling like I was giving enough.

I can say that it got easier as my kids got older and could better articulate their needs. But I also found that I needed a more intense level of therapy and parenting support. I recommend looking in to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It gave me more concrete skills to improve my parenting and engage better with my kids/wife in stressful moments.

Good luck and remember these are some of the harder times in parenting (aside from the teen years which are a real bit*@ if you don't get this type of anger under control).

[Anonymous]

OP your husband is abusive.

Respond after your first session with a professional.

[Anonymous]

What a wonderful work of fiction!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a wonderful work of fiction!

? This strikes me as entirely plausible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has a lifestyle where he works out of the house and she works in the house doing all the child care tasks. So, give the toddler a sippy of milk and take the daughter to urgent care since they have chosen to specialize this way. She doesn’t get to clock out when her husband comes home.

WTF?! No. Each parent needs to be involved, especially when there is an injury.

Your husband is an a$$. I wouldn’t divorce him because I wouldn’t want to subject my kids to that BS without being there. But I certainly would not be a couple. I would get through until the youngest is 18 and leave that ahole.

[Anonymous]

Been there done that. Husband was too inconvenienced to be bothered to go to ER with me when kid had severe lung pain and trouble breathing. Turned out it was a collapsed lung, she spent a week in the hospital and required surgery. But the basketball game…. I was literally scrambling to get her out the door and he said “do I have to go?” My answer was “why wouldn’t you want to?” And left.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry, because this sounds a lot like my DH, down to the angry outbursts when his sleep was disturbed and frustration with illness and injury.

In my case I did convince him at one point to talk to his doctor and his doctor diagnosed him with depression and anxiety and prescribed medication and referred him to therapy. For a while, DH took his medication daily and was going to therapy consistently. Then therapy fell away. And then he became angry again and I got worried. I asked him if he was still taking his meds and he confessed that he frequently forgot. Then it became diatribes about how medicine and doctors weren’t real. And then he just stopped taking it altogether while lying to me and his doctor about it.

We are now in the process of divorce because of his abuse of me and the kids, and he is blindsided and insists he is a good dad and DH. No, he was relentlessly angry and unpredictable for years and like yours he put his comfort first and I became basically the sole parent for the protection of my children. I would have left earlier but felt I had to wait until they were old enough to communicate and use phones/report, since absent blatant physical abuse there will be share custody. I go back and forth about if waiting was the right decision.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s anxiety, but still not ok. Tell him it’s unacceptable and he needs help.

+1

It’s not OK at all. Have you calmly addressed the situation with him after the fact? If so, what does he say and is he aware of how he’s acting?